Thursday, October 23, 2008

Emotions and boxing

The two do go together, right? We get emotional and then we want to box, right? Or do we want to curl up into a box? I haven't quite figured it out yet, but when I do, I'll let you know!

I had a rough day yesterday. I don't think I was "grouchy" ALL day, but it sure hit like a ton of bricks when I got home. The night before (Tuesday night) I had worked out on the Wii Fit again for over 30 minutes. I unlocked the advanced Boxing, the 10 minute free-step aerobics, and another strength exercise. Of course, I had to do them all to make sure that I didn't have any "new" games I hadn't tried. It was great. I was actually SWEATING - yes, like a pig! But it was fun. My son even commented - "you sweat a lot!" Well, it felt good, but I was so tired when I was done. Body tired, not so much sleepy tired. In fact, I had trouble sleeping because I was all amped up from the exercise! But we survived!

I also had a counseling session on Tuesday - which could've lead to the grouchy. The session didn't go as well as I had wanted. I wanted to solve problems, sort things out, understand why I'm afraid to let the fat person go and not have the barrier that I'm used to. But those things didn't get solved (it's only an hour) and it lead to so many more questions. Do we think the unanswered questions could've lead to grouchy? Probably so (along with the exhaustion). I, also, ate very poorly yesterday. If I eat better today, will it all go away?

Well, last night I had to go to my "second" job of cleaning the office. I was so not excited about that - which made me really grouchy and I kind of took it out on my poor little "muffin". The thing that was good about that is that I take someone with me and we get to talk and be friends. That's a good thing. All was well, until we were driving home and she brought up something that she's been struggling with. As it turns out, she was talking about something that I was struggling with too! SERIOUSLY! The reason it was so hard is because I didn't want to have to really talk about it because I didn't want her to know that I was struggling too. But then she made comments like, "I don't see how you deal with this," and it really made me wonder why I'm putting up with it. And I don't know why!!!!!

I think this all goes back to my putting other people's feelings before my own. Why do I care so much. All I know is that I think about this AT LEAST once a month. I don't know if it's because it coincides with my "cycle" or if it's just that's when I can't take it anymore? But I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do.

I guess I needed a little venting this morning. I know I've been vague, I don't want to put it all out there for my own protection. I just need to decide what's best for me and how to go about getting it. I guess I just have to factor it all in and weigh my options. Let's just hope I can sort it all out before I take drastic measures.

Guess I'll be doing some serious boxing tonight!


Michele Elaine said...

You need to communicate your feelings instead of burying them. You can't decide how someone will react to you and then not talk to that person. You have to trust that they will be more understanding than you "think" they will be. This is what I have been told, so I am regurgitating it for you.

Heather said...

Thank you for your regurgitation. I appreciate it. I have the problem of always thinking the worst things possible. Maybe because I'll feel better when it's not so bad?

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