Thursday, July 23, 2009

Where do I go to get motivation?

Everyday I attempt to start the day out fresh and new with energy and motivation. Sadly, somewhere between 9am and 12:00pm that energy and motivation are gone! Now, where in the world am I supposed to go to get that back?

It's no surprise (to the people around me) that my place of work has taken a turn from what it has been. That turn has not been on a positive note. We, fortunately, aren't being hit with the threat of laying people off (just yet), but the attitudes and the people are just getting to be unbearable. What in the world do you do when you have a stable job, but you just can't stand to be there? This is what I'm dealing with right now. It's tough.

The problem with these issues is that it's making the rest of my world crumble. I'm stressed out, unhappy, and struggling to be here every day. These feelings/emotions are taking a toll on me physically, mentally and nutritionally. I'm going back to old habits because that's what I know (or think I know) will ease the pain. Not only does it NOT ease the stress/pain/etc., it's making things worse because now I feel like another part of my life is out of control.

I need to gain control. I need to situate things in my world. I need to get back to a state of happiness. I've always said (in my career) that when it's not fun anymore, it's time to look for something else. I think it's time to look for something else.

I have put in an application at a local children's hospital, but I don't really have medical experience. I do know someone that is close to the position and that may help, but you just never know.

I've actually been, seriously, considering biting the bullet and going back to school. I am one year away from a teaching credential and teaching is something that I feel I have a great passion for and I, personally, think I'd be pretty good at it. I've already completed one semester of part time student teaching and it was a great experience. The problem with that option is that it will be very tough to make it financially with school, not having a stable income, and supporting my family. But, I can't stop thinking about that being the best option.

No matter what goes on, I need to regain control. I need to know that I can make it through this. I need to feel like I will succeed and I will not let the stress and emotions get the best of me. I need focus!

I will say, the early morning walks with my sister are a great help. It gets me moving early in the morning and actually gets me better equipped for the day. I need to kick it up a bit, but I have do admit, it's a great place to start!

Aren't you glad it's pre-Friday???

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Why Tuesday?

That's a good question. Why is it that I chose Tuesday to do weekly weigh ins? At first, I thought Tuesday would be a great day because it's in the middle(ish) of the week, and it's not Monday. But now, I'm questioning that decision. I guess it doesn't really matter what day you actually weigh in, but it's a matter of accountability. So, I'm forcing myself to be accountable once again, even though I really don't want to today.

I was back up to that ugly 171 this morning. Sure, I know that I didn't drink much water this weekend and I did eat more than I should've, but that doesn't make it easier to see the number. I knew it was going to be up. I knew where I went wrong. But it still isn't easy to see it. So, the "honeymoon" phase is over for me. I think that's official. Now, it's dedication and effort. That's all that will get me where I want to be and keep me there!

So the adventure continues . . .

Monday, July 20, 2009

How is it that Mondays get here so quickly?

Another dreaded Monday to go down in my history book! This one is a tough one! I'm tired. I don't want to be working today. And I'm certainly not excited about having another 4 days ahead of me! But, I am grateful to have a job and a paycheck - for now.

I've been excruciatingly busy lately and that makes me sad. I don't get to write/blog as much as I'd like to. I don't get to catch up on my friend's blogs, like I'd like to. And I'm starting to feel a bit of a disconnect between what I need to keep me happy, healthy, and sane. The problem is that there seems to be so much I need to vent/talk about that it's a little bit overwhelming. I keep thinking I need to jot things down, but if it's going to be a three page story/entry, I just give up on it. So, I will do a little of the filling in now and maybe allow myself 20 minutes a day to write a little bit so I at least have a reference. I've got a lot to catch you up on, if you're interested. The good thing is, when it's all better, I'll be able to look back and say, "See, it does all work out for a reason"! :-) I can't wait to be able to do that!

So, I will first talk about my exercise. I keep complaining that I'm not doing enough. I do this to my family as well as to/at the blog. So, my sister suggested that she will get up with me every morning at 4:45am (when she doesn't work until 10am) so that we can go for an early morning walk every day. She is fabulous! And, we did it EVERY day last week and this morning too. I still don't think it's all I need (in terms of exercise) but it's certainly a starting point and I don't have to feel completely sedentary. So, yeah! We're making progress!!!

Since I've successfully completed one week of early morning walking, I think this week I'm going to add an evening walk/workout with the Wii session so that I will feel like I'm progressing. That's got do do something positive for me! Think I can do it? OF COURSE I CAN!!!

I will say, as I'm sure you all know, encouragement and support make all of the difference! Thanks Michele! What's the next challenge??? :-)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Scale reports and bald spots

Fortunately, I have some good news to report on the weigh in front. I was FINALLY back down to 169 this morning! YIPEE!!!! It feels like I saw the 160's for a moment and then my body just didn't want me to have the. I still have goals, I still want to see what it's like to be 165 and maybe even 155. But the way that my body has shut down on the weight loss front, I may just have to be satisfied with what I've got. And honestly, where I am is great! It's so much better than where I was a year ago - and a WHOLE lot better than I was two years ago.

Now, on to the bad news . . . I have a bald spot. OH YES, I do. On my head. I don't really know what to do about it. I try to cover it up with the way I style my hair, but sometimes, I feel self-conscious about it. I can't figure out if this is something that just recently happened or if I just didn't notice it until I got this shorter hair cut. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I thought everything was supposed to go back to normal after 9 - 12 months. But, I guess notsomuch.

I guess it goes back to having to take some bad with the good. Even with the bald spots, the loose skin, and the flabby arms/legs, I'm still grateful for what WLS has given me.

Now, if I could just get back to exercising! I miss it dearly! I need a plan!!!! I need to figure out how to put a couple of extra hours into my day. Suggestions?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Where have I been?

Oh boy, do I wish I had an answer for that question! I knew it had been a while since I had posted an update/blog, but had it really been THAT long? Yes siree! It has been a LONG time!

So, a lot has been happening in my world. Things at work have been incredibly stressful. I believe we may be on the mend, but I have been searching for employment. I don't know where that will lead, but I'm keeping my options open.

The commute is nearly killing me. It's definitely killing my exercise routine! I have not actually completed a full work out since I've moved to Fresno. If it's not killing my mood (which it is), it's definitely killing my health and new healthy goals. This is not acceptable. I need to find a balance. I'm actually considering changing my work hours to allow me to get in a good work out before I get in the car for my morning commute. I could still get to work at a decent time, but I wouldn't have to wake up at 4 to get it in. Fortunately, I work where the schedules can be flexible from time to time. Unfortunately, I won't get home until later. But, with the extra exercise and that breeding extra energy, it may just work out for the best. We'll have to see. I've got to start it first!!! :-)

The scale. Oh yes, the lovely scale. The last report I posted had taken me up quite a bit. Fortunately, the scale has come down a bit and I expect it to be back to normal and UNDER 170 by next Tuesday. I think it's a good thing to have a weigh in day and to know that it's what I'm accountable to. It's not good to not post about it, but at least I know that I'll have to spill it eventually and that makes me take extra measures to bring it all back down.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but I needed to get this out. Thanks for keeping me accountable!