Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The last weigh in of 2008!

And it was a success! So, I know that I didn't say much about it, but November was a very slow weight loss month. The good thing is that December was just the opposite! I'm down a total of 86.5 as of today! I am officially at the lowest weight I've ever been in my adult life. The last time I was 185 was 8 years ago and I had worked very hard to get there by losing 40 pounds. This time, I worked very hard to get there but it took me double the loss!

I actually had a thought on my way to work yesterday that brought me to tears. I started thinking about how far I've come in the last 7 months, not just with the weight loss but with the emotional changes, physical changes, energy changes and more and I couldn't help but look back. I sort of relived what I felt that 7 + months ago and it hurt. But what hurt even more was the fact that I had let it get there. I was unhappy, unmotivated, overly emotional and acting like I wasn't bothered by it. But the truth of the matter is that I WAS (and still am) bothered by the these issues and that I thought it was ok to hide behind all of that. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to act like I don't have problems. I do (and so do you, I'm sure)! And now I want to face those problems and obstacles with the same confidence that I am finding that I'm able to face my weight issues with. I am onto something here and it took me the pain of hitting "rock bottom" to find it.

I am excited (for the first time in years) about the new year and about all of the things that this new year could potentially offer. I'm ready to set out and find all of the things I've been missing because I couldn't see them past my own insecurities. I am confident that this will be the first of many "good" years!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's a crazy December!

My December has been far from the mellow months I typically have (or so I think). This month has been crazy. Between the trips out of town, the Christmas parties to plan, the friends to see and hug on, and Christmas itself! This has been pretty wild, but so well worth it!

Today is weigh in day. I haven't been weighing at all between Tuesdays and this leads to great surprise when I actually get on the scale. I was down another 4 lbs today. Sure, I'm pretty certain that this has something to do with my crazy weekend. I ran around like mad and (for the first time in my life) forgot to eat or forgot that I should be hungry because there were so many other things to do.

I have so much to say right now, but I just don't have the time or the thought process to jot it down. I'm finding myself quite scattered these days. I certainly hope this slows down (quickly)!

I hope everyone is in for a fabulous Christmas celebration. I look forward to hearing all of the stories and seeing pictures!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sleepless nights and weigh ins!

I wish I could start this out with a happy, "Good morning" message, but unfortunately, that's not going my way today. I am trying to be positive, I promise, but there are a bunch of things that are getting me down today.

First of all, I woke up (AGAIN) at 2:39am with my lovely new friend I like to call insomnia! It's strange that it's almost always that exact time - 2:39am. Not 2:38, not 2:45, but 2:39am. I don't really get it. This morning I thought I was going to go right back to sleep because I have been so exhausted. Boy, was I wrong. It was a tough night - but I made it. I should sleep REALLY well tonight!

Next, I got into work and other people that are in foul/grumpy moods have decided to take it out on me. I'm not ready for their foul mood, I'm getting into one of my own right now. Now, I'm frustrated, grumpy, AND sleepy! Am I in for a good day or what?

Ok, enough griping and complaining. I need to turn this day around. So, let's get on with some good news. I am in the 180's - sure, it's 189, but that's progress, right???? Happy weigh in day for me. And to think I almost didn't weigh because I was so tired! But, I did, and it went well. AND, I'm officially down 80 pounds! WHAT?? 80? It doesn't even feel like 80 lbs gone, but it is! What in the world is 109 lbs down going to feel like? Look like? Will I change my goal when I get there? It will be interesting to see what happens. I'm sure I'll be sharing! Honestly, from today, I'm only 29 lbs away from my goal. Could it really happen before I hit my Surgiversary?? Maybe even by my birthday (April)? That can be exciting!

I'm getting excited about my trip for this weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing friends and getting to catch up a bit. The good thing is that even though this day and week have started out rough, I've got good things to look forward too. Sure, I'm a little anxious and possibly insecure, but I can't wait until it all plays out!

Monday, December 15, 2008

What a weekend!

I had anticipated this past weekend for a while and boy was it worth it.
So, my company had our Christmas party this past weekend and it was a huge success. I was incredibly busy with all of the preparations, shopping, wrapping, etc. that I wasn't able to blog much in the last week or two, but now that's all over and it was a hit. I had a blast and I felt great!

I was able to go in and get a new hair cut/color in preparation for the event. I had a new dress. I felt good and I, personally, think I looked pretty good also. Not to mention that my friend from Orange County came all the way up here to be my date! He was a fabulous date! In fact, spending all of the time with him this weekend made me really miss him and miss having him around. We've known each other for 10 years! I need to spend more time with Dan! Spending time with Dan also helped me to realize what I'm looking for in a dating relationship. If I don't find dates with similar personalities as these friends that I cherish, the dating is not going to go very far.

So, one of the funniest instances of the weekend was the "realization" that people had that something was different about me. The funniest thing was that they all thought I looked different because of the new hair do! Not everyone around me has been privy to the "WLS" details. Some have noticed that I'm losing weight, some haven't noticed anything at all. If I had a dollar for every person that said, "There's something different about you - Oh, you changed your hair" - I would be a much wealthier person (ok, maybe by like $25, but that's something, right?)! It was great!

I've got some more excitement happening. I get to spend time in Orange County this weekend catching up with friends and I'm super, duper excited about it! My friend Craig, from Florida, (whom I haven't seen in over 6 years) will be in town. I've already warned him that I have huge expectations. I can't wait to get a big, giant hug from him.

I will say, with the exception of some financial turmoil, things are going pretty well for me right now. I'm excited about the holidays. I'm exciting about seeing and visiting with friends and family. And I'm most especially excited about the new me. I feel better, I look better, I have more energy, and I can't wait to experience what's ahead! Things are going well and I'm excited to live the life I should be living! Now, if I could just get back onto the "exercise band wagon" I'd be set!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It's weigh in day!

Boy! How time flies when we're busy, busy, busy. Tis the season, huh? Well, it's true. The madness began after Thanksgiving when I realized that I have to get ready for our company's Christmas party and I haven't gotten nearly enough done. Fortunately, I'm taking care of this a little at a time, but it's still taking more time than I really have. But, we'll pull it all together and it's going to be great! I'm super excited. We've got great things planned and great things to give away. People are going to love coming to my parties!!! Yipee!

So, today was weigh in day. I can honestly say that I hadn't even thought about a scale ALL week long. In fact, I almost forgot that I was supposed to weigh today. I was at 190.5 - I'm almost out of the 190s. AMAZING!!!! Still feeling good. Hopefully looking good. And now I'm just working toward better! :-)

I did have a "Wow" moment last night. Of course, I have to find a great dress for this weekend's Christmas party. If you've been keeping up with me, you know that I dread shopping and have turned it into an almost phobia. Well, my sister had offered me some dresses, I took them. My roommate had offered me some dresses too. So, last night there was a little fashion show at my house. I was floored! The 16s were too big and the 14s fit! Sure, it's exposing a little more than I want to, but it looks great! A 14 looks great? What in the world? I can only imagine what the 10 will look like (not this year - but maybe next?)! I'll have to post pictures after the event.

Things are going pretty well. I've got a very busy December planned with this week's Christmas party and traveling next week to visit friends in So. Cal., but I'm really looking forward to them all. I can't wait to see so many great people and really get to catch up. That's what Christmas/holiday time is all about - right?

I look forward to having some exciting stories to share!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

On the third day of Christmas . . .

Oh wait! It's just the third day of December! :-)

Well, if I were singing the song, today's verse would say that my true love gave me nothing but heartache. Am I being dramatic or what?

Today has been an interesting day. I guess that's to top off my interesting week? Maybe I'm back to secreting all of those ridiculous hormones into my system from all of this weight loss? Maybe I'm being a little bit dramatic again, but I've got to have something to explain it all away, right?

So, I went to my very first WLS support group meeting last night. The meeting itself was good/bad and fortunately not so ugly! It started off with the "founding" surgeon of this practice giving us a medical look at what goes on long term regarding weight loss/gain, appetite, and what happens when you try to eat too much (creating a second stomach and all). It was great to talk in such an open forum and get the real "meat" of what happens. I loved that. I also liked sharing ideas and getting to boast about my experience with the Wii Fit. I swear I should work for Nintendo! Anyway, that was great. I must admit, it was absolutely crazy to hear that someone (one of the 3 year post ops) thought I was at goal. She had no idea that I was only 6 months out of surgery. WHAT? Are you serious? I am barely out of the 200s and I still have 35 + pounds to lose. What was she thinking? She has to see that I'm still packing extra weight. Especially since she's so much smaller than I am. Sure, it made me kind of smile, but I just don't see it. Am I kidding myself? Is this really happening?

The part I wasn't so excited about was the organization. It didn't seem like there was a plan. We didn't have specific topics to talk about. We did go over exercises and techniques (which were great and very helpful) but other than that, it was just a bit of chatting. Maybe the next one will be better? It was a pretty long drive for a week night to just get in a bit of chatting. But, I won't discount it until I try again (at least ONE more time). Plus, the next time, the psychologist is supposed to be there. THAT is exciting to me.

The other funk has to do with this whole dating thing. I really don't know where to stand on the dating issue. I'm an "old-fashioned" type of girl. I guess I expect the gentlemen to be gentlemen. I expect to be the one receiving phone calls, being asked out with plans being made and all of that mumbo jumbo. Does that even happen anymore? Maybe I'm just out-dated? Maybe the "good 'ol boys" don't exist anymore? And then when I thought I had the interest of one (and I was/am interested too) all communication stops. I was told I'd get a call on Monday, but didn't. Now it's Wednesday and I feel forgotten. Sure, I could pick up the phone and call too, but am I committed enough to "chase"??? Wow! Who knew I'd be struggling so much with the whole idea of dating? If I didn't like it before, I really don't like it now!

I hate that this whole post has been so negative. Not EVERYTHING in my world is negative. That's just what I've focused on today. I will be positive that things will get better. Sometimes, I just need to vent. Maybe it's all because I missed my current Favorite show? I'll watch my DVR'd Biggest Loser tonight and all will be better!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

My very first December weigh in day!

It's true, it's true, I haven't posted in a whole week!!! There's been a lot going on in the last week with Thanksgiving and all. So, I decided to catch everyone up (everyone that reads, that is).

First things first - I was down another 2 pounds this week. That's with a big, fat, holiday in there! Ok, Ok, I kind of cheated. My family and I went to Disneyland for the weekend. So, we were NOT sitting around eating turkey, watching football, and stuffing our faces until we passed out. No, No, we were walking and standing and playing at the D-Land and it was great! We had a wonderful time!!!! I think we took about 300 pictures (That was just my camera - Sheila, how many do you have?), it was great! I'll change my album at some point today!

Next thing to catch up on . . . dating. Yep, it's true. I've been dating. And my feelings still stand - I HATE DATING!!!! It's so awkward. It's uncomfortable and you have to be very careful. Not to mention the roller coasters that accompany dating. You know all the questions, right? "Do they like me?", "Do I like them?", "Does everyone have something I'll complain about?", "Why didn't they call when they said they would?", "Why do they all expect me to call them?". I'm beginning to think that there's no chance for me. One guy looks/acts too old, one guy is a grandfather (and I still haven't given up the thought of more kids), one guy is still not over his ex, one guy has a problem with the town I work in, one guy works in the "Adult Entertainment" field, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. What in the world? What happened to all of the old fashioned people and dates? Am I just looking for reasons not to like them? Maybe Craig is right. Maybe I should be in the Mid-West? Is it really worth "up-rooting"? Maybe. Where's the man of my dreams when I really need him? That boy better come quickly before I give up all together!

Now . . . for an update. I'm going to my very first WLS support group meeting tonight! I'm actually super excited about it. I'm not quite so super excited about the possibility of driving in the fog, but I'll get past that for what I'm planning to be and thinking will be a great time. Let's hope that it's all I want and more. If nothing else, it'll be fun hearing and sharing experiences. I'm really looking forward to it.

So, now it comes down to this. I have about a week and a half to lose 2 lbs (a goal to be 190 by my Company's Christmas party). I have to keep myself up and active. The 10 miles a day at the Disneyland really kicked my butt - I need to keep that up! I need to watch my eating and my portions. Yes, Yes, these things are the usual, but I have to keep reminding myself how important they really are! I am excited about the continuing changes and progress. I can't wait to see where this journey is taking me (hopefully away from the dating pool at some point).