Monday, June 28, 2010
So, what does Monday mean to me? THIS MONDAY (today) means it's time to get back to the important things in life. No more excuses about stress. No more excuses about not having time. I have all the time in world (right now) to get back on track. It's time for me to be closely watching what I shovel into my mouth. It's time for me to be aware of how much (or how little) my body is moving and make it happen! No more excuses! I can't say I'm too stressed out - I'm not working. I can't say I don't have time - I have all the time in the world right now. I can't say that I can't do it - I've got to try! The excuses are just that. An excuse to be lazy and to slip back into what I know (being overweight). I can't do that. It's just not an option. So, to everyone that is changing there focus today - I'm with you!!!
Not only is it Monday, it's going to be a scorcher today (supposed to get to 108 degrees today - ouch)! So, if I am to get back on to my "band wagon" I had better get it is started NOW! My son has already asked if we can go on a bike ride. It's 8am. What did I say? In a minute. Well, in a minute means it will then be too hot. So, hot or not - we will be going on a bike ride. I said we would and I'm sticking to my word! There's nothing like having a seven year old be your inspiration to keep moving. I think he's good for me! :-)
So, back to the last post, I did make it to Six Flags and I fit - with more than enough room. The only problem is that I didn't have the padding so the rides kind of hurt this time. I'll take the hurt and the less padding as a fair exchange! Had a blast, but didn't get any pictures. I'll have to take care of that soon! :-)
It's strange, now that I think of it. I still have the "I don't like pictures" mentality. This doesn't make much sense because when I see a recent picture I think "Wow, that's a pretty good photo". You would think I'd want to be in all of the pictures. I guess these things take time. I will focus on getting in more. I guess it goes to show that old habits die hard.
I'm inspired. I'm positive. Today is a new day, starting a new week. It's going to be a good one, because I am going to make it a good one! I hope we are all able to find inspiration today. It's a beautiful day - no matter where we are - because we're in it!
Friday, June 25, 2010
So on to the BIG day! Today I will be joining my cousin, her daughters and a bunch of friends (in honor of a birthday) for an adventure at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Let's talk about what is so exciting about this. I haven't been to Six Flags in years. So, we all know what this means, right? Previously, when I went to the theme park, I would anxiously stand in line wondering if I was going to fit in the seat belt. On one occasion, the park/ride attendant had to PUSH the restraint/harness down to get it to snap in. I played it off like it wasn't a big deal but in reality I was mortified. Today I will go to this theme park and I am pretty sure that I will fit in EVERY ride I want to go on. I'm not going to say that I'm not going to remember those previous moments or even think (for a moment) that I may not fit. But to be completely real, I WILL fit! I may even have extra room. I cannot tell you how that will feel. But I'm sure that I'll be able to report this when I return.
So, today, I am off for a new adventure. I'm looking to explore happiness (as opposed to anxiety) of a theme park and I am looking forward to having a smile on my face the whole day! Let's hope I get some pictures out of it too! :-)
I hope you're all in for a Happy Friday!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that when a "door" closes, another will open. So, I am taking this disappointment as a minor set back and I have to have faith that this didn't work out because I am supposed to be somewhere else. I must admit, this one hurt. But I need to realize that it wasn't because I wasn't the best I could be. I just wasn't the right fit this time.
The principal did tell me that there were 250 applicants for this one position. He narrowed it down to 12 for the first round of interviews and I got selected as one of the top three. He mentioned that this was an incredibly difficult decision because the top three were really, really good. He said that he was going to forward my information to every school in his district and if a position came open at his school, it would be mine. So, that has to be a good thing, right?
I'm not going to lie, I've been on an emotional roller coaster over this one. There's a huge part of me that wants to know what that "it" factor was. Was there anything I could've or should've said differently? But at the same time, I left the interview yesterday being scared to death that I would get the position. I know that sounds strange, but lets be honest . . . this will be my first year as a teacher. Could I live up to the high standards and expectations that the principal and the school have? Would I be the best, absolute best, for these students? I don't know - because I've never done it before. There's a good chance that the person that was selected has proof that they know exactly what they are doing and can produce outstanding results. I plan to have those one day, but this principal would've had to take a chance on me for that. I can do it, I know I can, but I'm intimidated and even a little scared. That's normal, right?
So, back to the drawing board for me. I will keep praying that the right position, school, district, etc. comes along. And we'll hope and pray that happens before I pull all my hair out. I don't have much to begin with. :-)
Now, on to something positive . . . I slept last night! Yes sir! I didn't wake up at my usual 3:30am. I even forgot to set my alarm and woke up 10 minutes later than I normally do. Whopee! I do hate having insomnia, but I sure do love the days after - when I sleep like a rock!
Today is a new day. No, huge, obligations and a possible play date for the little one. I'm ready to turn this day around. Just because it started with bad news, doesn't mean it has to end that way, right? Thank you for allowing me the vent session. I look forward to having a some more positive things to report tomorrow!
Wishing you all a very happy day!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
It's going to be a busy day today. Thanks to the insomnia - again - it will be a long one too! Today is the "exit" interview for the teacher credential program I'm in. If they don't like what I've done/put together, they can choose to not send a recommendation. No, I don't really think that will happen, but I guess you never know.
Then after that, I have the 2nd interview with the school that I really want. Can anyone tell me how to land that one? I am just being me, and the good thing about that is that "me" means that I'm really excited to be a teacher and it's obvious. I hope that's a good thing. The principal says that the decision will be made tonight. Boy, tonight seems like ages away.
So, the goal for today is to stay positive! I need to KNOW that I'm successful and I need to let the world know that I was put on the earth to do this and I will be the best I can be! Not only do I need to stay positive, I need to stay awake! With all of this excitement this should be easy, right?
Please keep the good vibes coming and I'll make sure to keep you posted!
Monday, June 21, 2010
- I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology. So it's true, crazy people can get enjoyment out of learning about other crazy people. This should come in handy with my new career choice.
- I get insomnia every Sunday night. I don't know why, it makes no sense, but it happens. This is all since WLS. I know that I'm not the only one who experiences this side effect, but I know that I don't like it. I need my sleep!
- I have a fear of missing out. I get sad when people get together and have fun when I can't be around. I don't think I'm jealous, I just really like hanging out with people and wish I could do it more often.
- I am a single women who hates to date. I wish the "right" guy - that's a ton of fun to be with - would just drop in my lap (so to speak) so I don't have to date. I hate the awkward meetings/conversations and I really don't like having to disappoint someone when I don't want to continue with the meeting.
- I (we) haven't seen or heard from my son's father (aka - the biological) since before the little muffin turned one. Sometimes this makes me sad because he doesn't have a "Dad" like the other kids do, but I know it's the best thing for him, I just don't know how to explain it all to him so that he'll understand it. He's the light of my life and I can't imagine him thinking that he wasn't wanted. It just kills me. Someday it'll all make sense.
- I cannot eat fruit (or much of it) since WLS. I didn't think it would bother me that much, but it kind of does. Sometimes I just want a nice ripe peach, or a few strawberries. Sure, I can do it, but it's not going to feel good for a while.
- I LOVE that I don't drink or crave sodas anymore. I thought it would be difficult, but it's really not that bad. I don't even think twice about tasting them anymore. Now that's a good thing!
I thought this would be difficult, but surprisingly, this came quite easy today. I'm sure I could've listed more. That's not always the case.
So, on to the hard part. Now I get to "tag" 5 of my favorite bloggers to receive the award. Since Laurie listed a couple/few of my favs already, I get to list a couple of new ones - YIPEE!
And the award goes to . . .
Janine at Journey to a Mini Me
Jil at Shut Your Piehole
I said so at For Real, This Time
Kim at Faith, Grace & Giggles
Sheila at Stranger Than Fiction and More Fun too
Honestly, this part was more difficult than coming up with facts. I'm not sure who reads this blog. So, if you're out there and I don't know it, please drop a line and say "Hi". I'd love to hear from you!
So, I have an interview today! Let's be honest, I have an interview in less than 3 hours. That's a good thing. What is not a good thing is that I have one hour to get a portfolio together, my (very cute) outfit ironed and smart looking, and my head together enough to convince this principal that I am the BEST person for this position. I'm not doubting that things will happen, I'm doubting the greatness that they could've been had I given myself more time. I guess I can't really think much about that, especially considering that I should be doing things and I'm blogging! What a piece of work am I?
Yes, you may think I'm crazy for blogging instead of doing the other things I have, but this is an attempt at me "getting my head together". I had to clear some thoughts and put some positive energy in the air and hopefully get some good thoughts going my way today. Thank you for being my sound board.
Let's talk about why this job should be given to me:
- I have a true passion and a calling to redemptive service (teaching)
- I feel that I have the skills and the motivation to create captivating and encouraging lessons for students
- I teach in a way that inspires and provides the best styles for all students
- I work really well in collaborative groups and I am always looking for encouragement and criticism
- I have fun when I'm in the classroom
- I have high expectations for students and that tends to create a greater drive for them to succeed
- I will give it my all!
I am excited about this opportunity! I am excited to speak with this principal and even be considered. I hope that my excitement and confidence shows and the "desperation" stays home. I do believe that if this isn't where I'm supposed to be, I won't get the job. I just hope I get to have a peace about it today!
Wish me luck!
I hope you're all in for a very happy Monday! I'll check back and let you know how it goes!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
So, here's where the questions come in. Am I hesitating because there's a part of me that is not ready for everything to be over? Do I hesitate because I'm scared to death to be responsible for the education of 35 little minds? Do I hesitate because I'm afraid I'm not good enough? Do I hesitate because I fear once the work is over, all I have is me? You betcha!!!
I am confident in my dream of being a teacher. I'm confident that I am creative, inspiring, and driven to educate young people. I am not confident in others seeing that in me. I am confident that I can complete my tasks/work & portfolio in time and sufficiently. I am not confident in it being the best that I can produce. I am confident that I will be an excellent fit at the school & with the staff where I'm interviewing on Monday. I am not confident that I can relay that in a one hour meeting. I am afraid of being rejected and having to wonder why.
So, I am writing this in an effort to eliminate the negative thoughts in this post and in my process. If I am honest about what scares me, I can concentrate on conquering the fear - right? I want to be confident. I want to be the best I can be. I want to succeed. I am capable. I just have to get that "doubting delinquent" out of my head! So, this is what I'm focusing on today! I know I can do this.
Today, I plan to make a list of all of the reasons I should be proud of who I am and the goals I have (and will accomplish). Every time I think of something positive that I have accomplished, I am going to write it down. I'm hoping to come up with a list of at least 10 (but trying for 20) things that prove to me that I am right where I should be. I may even have to post them to just prove I did it and am worthy of recognizing myself! It may be tough, but I think it's a good hurdle to knock out of my way.
Now off to make a list and have a fabulous Thursday!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I have to thank Kristin for the comment yesterday. Two years ago I wouldn't have gotten in the pool. In fact, I would sit out in the back yard (fully clothed) and watch the poor, little guy play in the water all by himself. What fun is that? I don't even think I owned a bathing suit then. This time, I was in it! I was playing! I was running! I was having a blast and he loved every minute of it too! I cannot even explain the feeling that came over me yesterday when I realized that. Thank you Kristin for bringing me back to reality, and "bringing the pretty back". My son is going to benefit, even more than I am, from my physical changes. How in the world can you be negative about that??
More good things happening . . . I received a call yesterday in reference to one of the many job applications that I have submitted and they want to interview me! The job is for one of the schools that I was placed for student teaching and I loved it! I was so excited on that I had received the call that I did a little excited gushing (hopefully it wasn't too much). Apparently, this principal has talked to a lot of people and heard nothing but good things about me. I can't tell you how good it felt to hear that. So, I'm doing lots of praying, finger crossing, and whatever things I can to send out good vibes. I am super excited about this opportunity. The interview is next week. Let's hope I can calm down a bit between now and then so I don't appear TOO eager (i.e. - desperate).
Now on to today. We have more fun to conquer, houses to clean, pools to swim in, things to do, and more adventures (without excuses) to embark upon. Who knew that my own son would be some of the best motivation ever? I sure love that little man!
Monday, June 14, 2010
I've got to admit, I've been in a much better mood lately. I think that the book (Women, Food & God) is really addressing some things that I've been dealing with. The author states that if we're not happy with who we are, we will never be happy once we lose the weight, get the tummy tuck, get the bat wings removed, etc. This is something that I was JUST talking about at the last support group meeting I went to. I keep thinking that things would be better if I wasn't so self conscious about my flabby belly, my no longer present chest, or my flabby arms that continue to wave long after the arm stopped. But lets be honest, if I get a tummy tuck then I'll focus on the imperfect arms, if I get those fixed, I'll focus on the flabby thighs, then the chest, and so on, and so on. It will NEVER end, unless I stop it now. No one is perfect. Not even the seemingly flawless super models and actresses. But some people are great when dealing with it. Others are confident, why do I struggle so much? Do we think it's really possible to let it all go? Can I (we) come to terms with the great things about us and let the other imperfections go? I want to, I really, really want to. I will continue with this book and see how much closer I can get.
That's the update for today. I know that some of you are in for an excellent day (Jil's hubby is coming home today - she HAS to be stoked) and I am just as excited to hear about them. Thank you all for stopping by and providing support. I really do think there's something positive in being involved with some community - even if it's in cyberspace. Thank you!
Now off to the pool! Yippee!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Ok, Ok, lets be honest, I did the work out and I felt good - once it was over. Sure, it HURT, and I had to stop a time or two because I couldn't go any further (surrender pose? Let's be real)! But it felt good and productive, until today. Can we say "OUCH"? Yep. In fact, I can't tell if my stomach hurts because I have a flu bug, or if it's just that my belly has been worked. Guess this means I need to do more of this, huh? Do we think this could've sparked the dreaded insomnia of last night??
Since I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive, I'll list some good things that happened. I'm on chapter 5 in my new book (Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth). She's saying some things that I know are true, I just haven't figured out how to fix them. This book is not geared toward the C & P types, but she is talking about all of (or a whole lot of) the things I deal with from a psychological perspective. I can't wait to get to the point where I'm introduced to ways to deal with this. I sure hope it comes. I'll keep you posted.
I did eat much, much healthier yesterday. I had yummy veggies, chicken, and salads all day. I also drank lots of water! It was great, and it felt good. And no kettle corn yesterday - that was a real feat! Woo Hoo!
All in all, things are well. I'm excited about it being Friday. I'll be much more excited if I get a nap in!
I hope all is well and I hope you're all experiencing the BEST Friday ever! Happy weekend!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
So, I must say that I felt successful yesterday. As soon as I posted, I knew I had to do what I could to make it! Let's be honest, the goals weren't difficult, just something that needed to be done. Had I not posted, I may have just let them slip by. I'm SO glad I didn't let that happen!
So, my accomplishments yesterday included:
- 2.5 mile walk, in the sun, beautiful day - if felt great
- yummy salad for lunch, chicken breast for dinner (all low carbs)
- positive attitude (the walk did help)
- read 1/2 a chapter in the book - once the family was around it was hard to stay focused
- Water, Water, Water!
- Reporting my success (ok, that's happening today, but I was ready yesterday)
So, today, I'm focused and ready to keep this up. Here are the goals for today:
- complete a 30 minute (at least) workout - no matter if it's a video, jog, bike ride, etc. Just 30 minutes of activity.
- Finish the chapter in the book.
- Stay positive and focused (Laurie's Thursday 13 started that off on the right note) :-)
- Healthy eating and plenty of protein
- WATER & MORE WATER
Sure, these are like mini-goals, but it's funny how important they can be. So, as I get these goals mastered, I'll start to focus on bigger and better things. For right now, it's about getting back to the basics.
There are so many other things that I feel like I would like to get off my chest, but I'm just not sure where or how to start. I figure if I can get myself back into the swing of things, I'll be able to sort out my feelings, questions, frustrations, etc., and get to the bottom of the craziness that I know and face.
Looking forward to reading many successes!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
My first confession . . . I'm not exercising. I would like to say that I'm not exercising like I should be, but that would imply that I'm doing some sort of exercising at all. Sure, I could count doing dishes or folding laundry, but lets be honest, is that really exercise? No. It's necessity. I don't even walk my son to school anymore. Yes, for many months I've been way too busy (in my head) to exercise and that was a great excuse for a while. Not anymore. I'm on summer vacation. There is NO excuse for me (even though I still tend to create them).
Let's be honest, I love exercise - when it's a regular part of my life. When I've allowed my laziness to set in and become sedentary, it's really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I KNOW I feel better when I exercise, I know that things are easier to manage (like eating and sleeping) when I'm in the habit, it's just getting back into the habit that's creating a challenge.
Confession #2 - I'm not eating as well as I should be. I've been home and I love to play in the kitchen. This makes for a little bit of a struggle because I will eat the things I create. Sure, I'm still controlled in my portions, but I haven't been controlling my intake. I need to focus my energy to getting back to the program! I eat crap and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don't like that. I need to get back to the basics of my personal plan and get back to the feeling of greatness.
Confession # 3 - I've gained about 13 pounds in this last semester and this is NOT acceptable! My clothes are getting tight, my body is starting to protrude, my self esteem is starting to falter a bit. Sure, if I had kept to my end of the bargain and been exercising, eating better, and focusing on me, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, in an effort to set myself free - I'm sharing.
Confession # 4 - Finally, a positive confession - I am taking my vitamins, getting my protein in, drinking my water, and keeping myself real. I have weaknesses and I'm trying to work on them, but recognizing that I'm still doing what I need to in order to be healthier than I was two years ago is a big plus in my book.
I am not confessing in an attempt to get attention or to get people to realize that I've screwed up or even to brutalize myself, but I'm stating these things as a point of accountability. I know that I'm not doing everything I should be and I need to get this out in the open so that I can make changes and get the results I want. I want the motivation! I want the success! I want to know that I've got it!!! So, this is my therapy! I figure, if I post it and think that people will ask me about my progress and encourage me to do the right thing, than I will be stupid if I don't hold up my end of the bargain. So, whether it gets read or not, I am holding myself accountable!
So, to start myself off into positive changes, I've made goals for myself! These goals are as follows:
Today I will . . .
- Go for a walk. It may be warm outside, but it'll be great to get out!
- Make healthier meal choices by cutting out carbs (chips & Kettle corn) and putting in great lean proteins and veggies
- Stop snacking and start asking questions like, "Do I really need to eat or am I just bored?"
- Be positive! Know that I am 100% better physically, emotionally and mentally than I was two years ago
- Read at least one more chapter in the book recommended by the psychologist at my surgeons office. (The book is called "Women, Food, and God" - anyone read it?)
- Get ready to report my successes tomorrow!
The honeymoon is officially over and the rest is up to me!!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I have been through a very exciting experience and I am looking forward to the great experiences my new found education will produce. And I can't wait to get my own classroom! Of course, that's the difficult part right now. This may not be the best time to get into education with all of the things going on. Fortunately, I am hopeful, optimistic, and excited about the adventure.
I am also excited about the free time I will have over the summer to jump into the lives and experiences of my bloggy friends. Oh, have I missed hearing things. I am so sad to have missed wedding celebrations, engagements, new babies, new pregnancies, new marathon trainers, and new pet additions. So CONGRATULATIONS to you ALL! I do feel so out of the loop. I know, I know, I said this in the last post too, but I wasn't quite finished at that point. Now, I'm ready! I'm ready to embrace the blog world and get the support and encouragement I desperately need from all of you. So, get ready, the comments will be flying! I hope you can keep up!! :-)
On another note, I have been so busy and overwhelmed with the completion of school and tests that I completely skipped over my 2 YEAR SURGIVERSARY! I never, ever, ever thought that I would skim over that day and not be able to reflect on all that WLS has given me, but in only two years - it happened. Fortunately, I get to reflect on the WLS results nearly every day and I will never forget what this has given to me.
So, now you're slightly updated. I will be creating another post soon to relay more of the happenings, but I just had to get back into the swing of things before I could overwhelm you (and myself) with the "good stuff".
So, happy Tuesday to you all! I'm wishing you a fantastic day!!