It worked!

Guess who got somewhat motivated and out of the house yesterday? ME!! YIPEE! Sure, it took some effort, but I did it. I even got some housework done too. I just need to change my focus a bit. In stead of being sad and upset that things aren't going my way, I should take advantage of having so much time on my hands. Pretty soon, I won't have any free time (hopefully).

Today I got out of the house and walked my son to school. It felt so good. It was only a 7 minute walk and it made me wonder, "Why don't we do this every day?" I think I'm going to change that. We both need more exercise in our lives.

Fortunately, I get to get out of the house today too!!! One of my best friends and I are meeting for lunch. I'm super excited and looking forward to getting out and doing something other than stalking the employment website. It's the small things that make me happy.

I hope we're all experiencing the best Friday possible!

Peek-a-boo

Oh look! I'm finally checking in!

I wish I could tell you that there are some amazing (and good) reasons that I have not been present in "blog land", but I'd be lying! Sure, I've had some activities and impromptu trips, but there really is no excuse for not keeping myself accountable. And I think that's exactly it! I believe I am going through a bit of a "slump" or a period of time when I just don't know what's going on. I want to be motivated to exercise, but I'm not. I want to eat better, but I continue to make poor choices. I want to have a job, but things are just not going that way right now. What is frustrating to me is that there is NO reason to be in a slump! But I am. And it's icky!

I have actually not been feeling well. I fear that there is something wrong with my digestive system and that takes it's toll on me. Food isn't sitting well. Coffee isn't sitting well. Starving isn't fun. So, I have to figure out what it is. Instead of sit here and feel sorry for myself and continually making myself feel worse by trying to use food as a "cure", I am going back to the basics to see if that helps. Yesterday I was telling myself that I would only consume liquids today. That seemed like a good thing to do to get back to feeling better and then introducing things slowly to find the problem. Yep, great idea. Until this morning! So, I have decided to no go that far back to the basics. I am going to be eating small portions (like I should be anyway), and mild or bland foods. So far, so good. I'm also NOT going to eat because I'm bored or frustrated or sick. I will only eat (a small portion) when I am feeling ACTUAL hunger. This should help with the feeling of illness AND the weight I've gained!

Yep, I said it. I've gained weight. I'm at a scary point and I don't like it. I thought I would never let myself get over the 170 mark. Then when I hovered at 175 I was thinking, "Maybe this is where my body is comfortable?" Then I got to the 180's and I said (to myself, of course), "THIS IS ENOUGH!" Time to get control of my life, my eating, and my exercise. This is what I shall do! Sometimes it takes us admitting to ourselves that there is a problem. This is what I am doing! So, now that it's out there - it needs to be fixed!

So, today is the day! It's HUMP DAY! It's also time to take my life back day - and feel good about it! It's serious now!!! Thanks for letting me fess up. I hope you're all off to a great day!

Another one bites the dust . . .

Happy Tuesday!

I'm back from the Family Reunion Adventure. We had so many catastrophes (most of them minor, thankfully) that I couldn't wait to get home, just to make sure I was safe. There were 45-50 of our crazy family members together and in 3 days we had 8 accidents/injuries/etc. NO JOKE! Maybe the whole reunion thing wasn't a good thing? Fortunately, all survived and all are improving (if they hadn't improved over the weekend). I can say, we had a blast, but we also had moments that we could've (and should've) lived without. From the forehead gash/infection, to the heat exhaustion, to the collision of boats, to the choking, to the tripping, to the falling onto the boat dock and the heart attack scare, we have created some serious stories - I bet there are more, I just don't care to remember them all. This was a weekend that showed us how much we love and appreciate our family. Believe it or not, we can't wait to be together again. Of course this will have to wait until everyone heals! I LOVE my family!!

In other news . . . I received a call yesterday stating that I was not selected for the job - again. This one didn't surprise me, based on the experience I had at the interview. I was told that the person that was selected had a lot of experience with this grade level. Again, back to the drawing board! Sure, I'm still trying to remain positive. Unfortunately, it's difficult. But, this too shall pass! I know that greatness is out there and that is what I will wait for. It will be worth it!

I've also decided that I need to get my rear in gear! I'm going to get back to my exercise & healthy eating. I figure that if I'm feeling great about myself, then good things can happen. When I'm feeling bloated, lethargic, and not-so great, people can see that. I want to be the best I can be because I want to get the best possible for me!! So, I'm making changes! I need more water, more exercise/movement, and less food. Can't be that difficult, right? Once I have a full plan, I'm sure I'll be sharing it!

I hope all are well and having a fantastic week! I look forward to hearing/reading what happened in your lives this past weekend! :-)

Back in the saddle again . . .

Oh yes! I'm back! And it's MONDAY!! Happy Monday to you!

So, what does Monday mean to me? THIS MONDAY (today) means it's time to get back to the important things in life. No more excuses about stress. No more excuses about not having time. I have all the time in world (right now) to get back on track. It's time for me to be closely watching what I shovel into my mouth. It's time for me to be aware of how much (or how little) my body is moving and make it happen! No more excuses! I can't say I'm too stressed out - I'm not working. I can't say I don't have time - I have all the time in the world right now. I can't say that I can't do it - I've got to try! The excuses are just that. An excuse to be lazy and to slip back into what I know (being overweight). I can't do that. It's just not an option. So, to everyone that is changing there focus today - I'm with you!!!

Not only is it Monday, it's going to be a scorcher today (supposed to get to 108 degrees today - ouch)! So, if I am to get back on to my "band wagon" I had better get it is started NOW! My son has already asked if we can go on a bike ride. It's 8am. What did I say? In a minute. Well, in a minute means it will then be too hot. So, hot or not - we will be going on a bike ride. I said we would and I'm sticking to my word! There's nothing like having a seven year old be your inspiration to keep moving. I think he's good for me! :-)

So, back to the last post, I did make it to Six Flags and I fit - with more than enough room. The only problem is that I didn't have the padding so the rides kind of hurt this time. I'll take the hurt and the less padding as a fair exchange! Had a blast, but didn't get any pictures. I'll have to take care of that soon! :-)

It's strange, now that I think of it. I still have the "I don't like pictures" mentality. This doesn't make much sense because when I see a recent picture I think "Wow, that's a pretty good photo". You would think I'd want to be in all of the pictures. I guess these things take time. I will focus on getting in more. I guess it goes to show that old habits die hard.

I'm inspired. I'm positive. Today is a new day, starting a new week. It's going to be a good one, because I am going to make it a good one! I hope we are all able to find inspiration today. It's a beautiful day - no matter where we are - because we're in it!

Maybe I was wrong?

Who knew that a 10' (diameter) pool CAN be a form of exercise. Of course, the seven year old that wouldn't let me sit down certainly helped. Together we made that pool an exercise pit! We were throwing balls, chasing each other around, running to make whirlpools, and doing what he calls "yoga poses" in the pool. We were out there for 2 and a half hours and I loved every minute of it! I think you're all right. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's all about the attitude! And boy, is mine changing fast! Thank goodness!!!

I have to thank Kristin for the comment yesterday. Two years ago I wouldn't have gotten in the pool. In fact, I would sit out in the back yard (fully clothed) and watch the poor, little guy play in the water all by himself. What fun is that? I don't even think I owned a bathing suit then. This time, I was in it! I was playing! I was running! I was having a blast and he loved every minute of it too! I cannot even explain the feeling that came over me yesterday when I realized that. Thank you Kristin for bringing me back to reality, and "bringing the pretty back". My son is going to benefit, even more than I am, from my physical changes. How in the world can you be negative about that??

More good things happening . . . I received a call yesterday in reference to one of the many job applications that I have submitted and they want to interview me! The job is for one of the schools that I was placed for student teaching and I loved it! I was so excited on that I had received the call that I did a little excited gushing (hopefully it wasn't too much). Apparently, this principal has talked to a lot of people and heard nothing but good things about me. I can't tell you how good it felt to hear that. So, I'm doing lots of praying, finger crossing, and whatever things I can to send out good vibes. I am super excited about this opportunity. The interview is next week. Let's hope I can calm down a bit between now and then so I don't appear TOO eager (i.e. - desperate).

Now on to today. We have more fun to conquer, houses to clean, pools to swim in, things to do, and more adventures (without excuses) to embark upon. Who knew that my own son would be some of the best motivation ever? I sure love that little man!

That chick is trying to kill me!

So, I was off to such a great start yesterday. I was positive, motivated, and ready to rock. I had committed to exercise for at least 30 minutes and so I wanted to be creative about what I was going to do. I decided to scroll through the "On Demand" feature with our new cable company (thank you Comcast). There were some very interesting options. One claimed to be as good as a tummy tuck (may try that someday) another was called "Cardioke", sounds crazy but it was intriguing, but I decided to settle on Jillian Michaels "Quick trouble zones". Maybe it would be better called, "A quick way to kill me"? I can't imagine what this "shred" that people are talking about would do!

Ok, Ok, lets be honest, I did the work out and I felt good - once it was over. Sure, it HURT, and I had to stop a time or two because I couldn't go any further (surrender pose? Let's be real)! But it felt good and productive, until today. Can we say "OUCH"? Yep. In fact, I can't tell if my stomach hurts because I have a flu bug, or if it's just that my belly has been worked. Guess this means I need to do more of this, huh? Do we think this could've sparked the dreaded insomnia of last night??

Since I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive, I'll list some good things that happened. I'm on chapter 5 in my new book (Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth). She's saying some things that I know are true, I just haven't figured out how to fix them. This book is not geared toward the C & P types, but she is talking about all of (or a whole lot of) the things I deal with from a psychological perspective. I can't wait to get to the point where I'm introduced to ways to deal with this. I sure hope it comes. I'll keep you posted.

I did eat much, much healthier yesterday. I had yummy veggies, chicken, and salads all day. I also drank lots of water! It was great, and it felt good. And no kettle corn yesterday - that was a real feat! Woo Hoo!

All in all, things are well. I'm excited about it being Friday. I'll be much more excited if I get a nap in!

I hope all is well and I hope you're all experiencing the BEST Friday ever! Happy weekend!

I'll get by with a little help from my friends . . .

Thank you Laurie & Jil for your encouragement! We CAN do this! It's really fun to know that I've got the support even if you are hundreds of miles away. Are there any teaching jobs in Texas?? ;-)

So, I must say that I felt successful yesterday. As soon as I posted, I knew I had to do what I could to make it! Let's be honest, the goals weren't difficult, just something that needed to be done. Had I not posted, I may have just let them slip by. I'm SO glad I didn't let that happen!

So, my accomplishments yesterday included:

• 2.5 mile walk, in the sun, beautiful day - if felt great
• yummy salad for lunch, chicken breast for dinner (all low carbs)
• positive attitude (the walk did help)
• read 1/2 a chapter in the book - once the family was around it was hard to stay focused
• Water, Water, Water!
• Reporting my success (ok, that's happening today, but I was ready yesterday)

So, today, I'm focused and ready to keep this up. Here are the goals for today:

• complete a 30 minute (at least) workout - no matter if it's a video, jog, bike ride, etc. Just 30 minutes of activity.
• Finish the chapter in the book.
• Stay positive and focused (Laurie's Thursday 13 started that off on the right note) :-)
• Healthy eating and plenty of protein
• WATER & MORE WATER

Sure, these are like mini-goals, but it's funny how important they can be. So, as I get these goals mastered, I'll start to focus on bigger and better things. For right now, it's about getting back to the basics.

There are so many other things that I feel like I would like to get off my chest, but I'm just not sure where or how to start. I figure if I can get myself back into the swing of things, I'll be able to sort out my feelings, questions, frustrations, etc., and get to the bottom of the craziness that I know and face.

Looking forward to reading many successes!

The truth will set you free!

If it's true that the "truth" will set you free, I imagine I'm in the need of a few confessions! Sure, it's not fun to admit, but it's something I must come to terms with. We'll call it therapy! So, get ready, the unloading begins now!

My first confession . . . I'm not exercising. I would like to say that I'm not exercising like I should be, but that would imply that I'm doing some sort of exercising at all. Sure, I could count doing dishes or folding laundry, but lets be honest, is that really exercise? No. It's necessity. I don't even walk my son to school anymore. Yes, for many months I've been way too busy (in my head) to exercise and that was a great excuse for a while. Not anymore. I'm on summer vacation. There is NO excuse for me (even though I still tend to create them).

Let's be honest, I love exercise - when it's a regular part of my life. When I've allowed my laziness to set in and become sedentary, it's really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I KNOW I feel better when I exercise, I know that things are easier to manage (like eating and sleeping) when I'm in the habit, it's just getting back into the habit that's creating a challenge.

Confession #2 - I'm not eating as well as I should be. I've been home and I love to play in the kitchen. This makes for a little bit of a struggle because I will eat the things I create. Sure, I'm still controlled in my portions, but I haven't been controlling my intake. I need to focus my energy to getting back to the program! I eat crap and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don't like that. I need to get back to the basics of my personal plan and get back to the feeling of greatness.

Confession # 3 - I've gained about 13 pounds in this last semester and this is NOT acceptable! My clothes are getting tight, my body is starting to protrude, my self esteem is starting to falter a bit. Sure, if I had kept to my end of the bargain and been exercising, eating better, and focusing on me, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, in an effort to set myself free - I'm sharing.

Confession # 4 - Finally, a positive confession - I am taking my vitamins, getting my protein in, drinking my water, and keeping myself real. I have weaknesses and I'm trying to work on them, but recognizing that I'm still doing what I need to in order to be healthier than I was two years ago is a big plus in my book.

I am not confessing in an attempt to get attention or to get people to realize that I've screwed up or even to brutalize myself, but I'm stating these things as a point of accountability. I know that I'm not doing everything I should be and I need to get this out in the open so that I can make changes and get the results I want. I want the motivation! I want the success! I want to know that I've got it!!! So, this is my therapy! I figure, if I post it and think that people will ask me about my progress and encourage me to do the right thing, than I will be stupid if I don't hold up my end of the bargain. So, whether it gets read or not, I am holding myself accountable!

So, to start myself off into positive changes, I've made goals for myself! These goals are as follows:

Today I will . . .

• Go for a walk. It may be warm outside, but it'll be great to get out!
• Make healthier meal choices by cutting out carbs (chips & Kettle corn) and putting in great lean proteins and veggies
• Stop snacking and start asking questions like, "Do I really need to eat or am I just bored?"
• Be positive! Know that I am 100% better physically, emotionally and mentally than I was two years ago
• Read at least one more chapter in the book recommended by the psychologist at my surgeons office. (The book is called "Women, Food, and God" - anyone read it?)
• Get ready to report my successes tomorrow!

The honeymoon is officially over and the rest is up to me!!!

Where do I go to get motivation?

Everyday I attempt to start the day out fresh and new with energy and motivation. Sadly, somewhere between 9am and 12:00pm that energy and motivation are gone! Now, where in the world am I supposed to go to get that back?

It's no surprise (to the people around me) that my place of work has taken a turn from what it has been. That turn has not been on a positive note. We, fortunately, aren't being hit with the threat of laying people off (just yet), but the attitudes and the people are just getting to be unbearable. What in the world do you do when you have a stable job, but you just can't stand to be there? This is what I'm dealing with right now. It's tough.

The problem with these issues is that it's making the rest of my world crumble. I'm stressed out, unhappy, and struggling to be here every day. These feelings/emotions are taking a toll on me physically, mentally and nutritionally. I'm going back to old habits because that's what I know (or think I know) will ease the pain. Not only does it NOT ease the stress/pain/etc., it's making things worse because now I feel like another part of my life is out of control.

I need to gain control. I need to situate things in my world. I need to get back to a state of happiness. I've always said (in my career) that when it's not fun anymore, it's time to look for something else. I think it's time to look for something else.

I have put in an application at a local children's hospital, but I don't really have medical experience. I do know someone that is close to the position and that may help, but you just never know.

I've actually been, seriously, considering biting the bullet and going back to school. I am one year away from a teaching credential and teaching is something that I feel I have a great passion for and I, personally, think I'd be pretty good at it. I've already completed one semester of part time student teaching and it was a great experience. The problem with that option is that it will be very tough to make it financially with school, not having a stable income, and supporting my family. But, I can't stop thinking about that being the best option.

No matter what goes on, I need to regain control. I need to know that I can make it through this. I need to feel like I will succeed and I will not let the stress and emotions get the best of me. I need focus!

I will say, the early morning walks with my sister are a great help. It gets me moving early in the morning and actually gets me better equipped for the day. I need to kick it up a bit, but I have do admit, it's a great place to start!

Aren't you glad it's pre-Friday???

Scale reports and bald spots

Fortunately, I have some good news to report on the weigh in front. I was FINALLY back down to 169 this morning! YIPEE!!!! It feels like I saw the 160's for a moment and then my body just didn't want me to have the. I still have goals, I still want to see what it's like to be 165 and maybe even 155. But the way that my body has shut down on the weight loss front, I may just have to be satisfied with what I've got. And honestly, where I am is great! It's so much better than where I was a year ago - and a WHOLE lot better than I was two years ago.

Now, on to the bad news . . . I have a bald spot. OH YES, I do. On my head. I don't really know what to do about it. I try to cover it up with the way I style my hair, but sometimes, I feel self-conscious about it. I can't figure out if this is something that just recently happened or if I just didn't notice it until I got this shorter hair cut. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I thought everything was supposed to go back to normal after 9 - 12 months. But, I guess notsomuch.

I guess it goes back to having to take some bad with the good. Even with the bald spots, the loose skin, and the flabby arms/legs, I'm still grateful for what WLS has given me.

Now, if I could just get back to exercising! I miss it dearly! I need a plan!!!! I need to figure out how to put a couple of extra hours into my day. Suggestions?

Where have I been?

Oh boy, do I wish I had an answer for that question! I knew it had been a while since I had posted an update/blog, but had it really been THAT long? Yes siree! It has been a LONG time!

So, a lot has been happening in my world. Things at work have been incredibly stressful. I believe we may be on the mend, but I have been searching for employment. I don't know where that will lead, but I'm keeping my options open.

The commute is nearly killing me. It's definitely killing my exercise routine! I have not actually completed a full work out since I've moved to Fresno. If it's not killing my mood (which it is), it's definitely killing my health and new healthy goals. This is not acceptable. I need to find a balance. I'm actually considering changing my work hours to allow me to get in a good work out before I get in the car for my morning commute. I could still get to work at a decent time, but I wouldn't have to wake up at 4 to get it in. Fortunately, I work where the schedules can be flexible from time to time. Unfortunately, I won't get home until later. But, with the extra exercise and that breeding extra energy, it may just work out for the best. We'll have to see. I've got to start it first!!! :-)

The scale. Oh yes, the lovely scale. The last report I posted had taken me up quite a bit. Fortunately, the scale has come down a bit and I expect it to be back to normal and UNDER 170 by next Tuesday. I think it's a good thing to have a weigh in day and to know that it's what I'm accountable to. It's not good to not post about it, but at least I know that I'll have to spill it eventually and that makes me take extra measures to bring it all back down.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but I needed to get this out. Thanks for keeping me accountable!

It's all about accountability, right?

In an effort to be honest to myself, about myself, and for myself, I am posting today - even though I really don't want to.

My last post (last week) was positive! I was certain that I was heading in the right direction. I was pretty confident that I had things figured out. But, this week, I got on the scale and was nearly slapped in the face! WHOA! Yep. My scale was up 4 lbs from last week. REALLY? Who gains 4 lbs in a week? Apparently, I do.

I really didn't want to share. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted it to go away. But, let's be honest, I started this blog for accountability. I want to record the Highs & Lows. It's about recording the success and the set-backs that make this journey a TRUE journey. It's not easy people! Most of us know this. But instead of hiding and running away from the reality, I have to figure out what has gotten me here! So, this is what I intend to do!

I definitely think that the lack of the gym membership and the constant, intentional exercise has played a big part in this. So, back to moving! Intentional moving! Building up the metabolism. I have the new Wii Active game/program and I really want to make that work for me. So, I plan to start the 30 day challenge on July 1! Should be an adventure, right?

I also know that I need to watch what I've been eating. The snacks are slowly, but surely creeping in. I've heard it, from so many others, that the snacks just creep back into our lives before we know it. It certainly has found me. So, I will be conscious of what's going on around me and weed out the unhealthy snacks/choices. Who needs them anyway?

I know, I know, it's only a week. But if I don't take action now and realize what I'm doing, It's possible that it will get the best of me! And I'm SO not ready to let that happen! I've been in a "funk" and I can't let that "funk" drive me to do things that I know aren't good for me. But I know better.

So . . . this roller coaster journey continues!

Where has the time gone . . . .

Oh, I wish I could answer that question!!!

It has been so long since I've been able to even get online, let alone try to provide an update. So, here is my first attempt! It may be sketchy, but I'll get back, I promise!

A LOT has happened since my last entry in "blogland". So, let's catch you up!

1) I have officially moved!! Yes, it's true! It's taken nearly a MONTH to get everything done. I can happily say that I turned in the keys to my former residence on Saturday and felt the weight lifted as I drove away. I'm still having to drive to Visalia for my son's school, but tomorrow is my last day of that! YIPEE!!!

2) I skipped over my "surgiversary"! Again, it's true!!! My 1 year anniversary of my surgery was May 22, 2009! The sad thing is, I've been so busy, I didn't even get to celebrate. Not that I had any money to do anything, but I'm sure I'll make up for the celebration soon! I'm always up for suggestions!

So, naturally, with an anniversary, comes an appointment with the surgeon! And, I'm happy to say that it went well. I SO wanted to have lost 100 lbs by the time I saw him. Unfortunately, the day I saw him, I was 3 lbs shy of that goal. He was still excited for me. He told me that if I didn't lose another pound he was considering me a big success. That - of course - made me feel good. Though he did say, "I want you to try to go another 10 - 15 lbs just because I think you'll love it". He's funny. But, I agreed with him. I still have a good 10 - 15 to lose, just to see what It feels like!

The other good news is that all of my blood work came back great. All of the levels were good. Except for the protein. He told me that I need to get more protein because either I'm not getting enough or I'm not absorbing as much as I should be. So, protein supplements are back in my world! Let's see how that pans out.

There was one bad/ify report. I had explained some of the discomfort I've been having in the past month. I explained it as a feeling of "gall bladder" pain, but I had that removed almost 20 years ago (yes, I was young). And I've also been feeling like there's a ball rolling around in my abdomen/stomach. Unfortunately, Dr. Swartz thinks that there's a possibility that I have an intestinal hernia. The only way to diagnose and solve the problem is through a laproscopic/exploratory surgery. He asked if I wanted to go through with it and I said, "What would you do in my case?" He, of course, said, "If I were you, I'd have it done. It's better to be safe and fix it early than to let it go on and create damage." So, I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday.

3) Work has been absolutely horrendous! In fact, I've threatened to walk out (to myself, of course) more than once in the last two weeks. It's tough. I'm not good about not being happy. I'm not good about having to work with people who are miserable and make it their job to make me miserable too. I'm happy to report, though, that today has been a good day. I'm thinking that "This too shall pass" and I will be all the more stronger for it!

4) Weigh ins! I have been weighing in, I just haven't updated you all! So sorry! I, today, am down 99 lbs!!! I know, I know, why won't that one little pound just disappear? I have a feeling that I may have a little set back due to the surgery, but I'm not going to give up yet! I'm in this to win it! Stress can't keep me down. Intestinal distress can't keep me down. Not even moving in with a bunch of crazies will keep me down! I'm in it!!! I'll get there. You watch me!!! :-)

5) I lost track of the 30 for 30 challenge. I was doing great! Then, I became a little overwhelmed with all of the moving and downsizing and work, etc. that I forgot to keep track of the actual activity I was doing. I kept myself moving most of the time, but I didn't do "intentional" exercise everyday. I feel awful that I failed the challenge. All in all, I probably missed about 3 days. But I did learn from the experience. I learned how easy it will be to not exercise if I let things get in the way. I will keep on keeping on and dedicate myself to intentional activity.

6) Blog reading! I'm so sadly behind! But . . .since I'll be laid up this week (thanks to the surgery), I'll get a chance to catch up! I feel so far behind! I want to know what's going on in blogland! All of my cyber friends are so inspiring, touching, and wonderful bloggers, I want to catch up! I'll get back in the groove! I promise!

I'm certain I haven't caught you up on everything, but I feel better getting this stuff off of my chest! I hope all is well! I hope to be commenting on your lives/blogs VERY SOON!!!!!

The "cop-out"

Yep! That's what I've said. I've found that I'm using the 30 for 30 challenge as a cop-out!

See, typically, I'll go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I'll work out for 45 minutes to an hour with some serious cardio and then light weight training. Well, I don't go everyday, so I was thinking that if I got a little exercise in every day, that would be great and a great challenge to see if any improvements could be made. Well, the problem is that I have now found that the 30 minute videos or a 30 minute walk are a great way to get the 30 minutes in for the challenge without having to spend the 2 hours it would take me to get to the gym, work out, and get back. The problem is, I've started substituting the videos for the gym because it's so easy. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. But the videos don't give me the work out I need or want. They get me by in terms of one goal. But this doesn't get me to where I want to be in terms of the "Big Picture"!

This is no one's fault but my own. And, I didn't realize it until last night when I did go to the gym because I had an appointment with Micah (personal trainer) and he worked me to the bone! I'm shocked I made it through the session. This all made me realize, that I need to do the 30 minutes in addition to my regularly scheduled work out days! Sometimes it just takes the sky falling and knocking me out to make me realize things that I should already know!

Don't get me wrong here. I'm still following through with the challenge and I'm feeling accomplished every time I get to log my exercise for the day and see that I've done 8 days in a row (soon to be more) without fail. But I need to realize that this challenge is exactly that. A challenge! On top of what you already know and do. So, this is how I will treat my big, bad 30 for 30 challenge. No more cop-outs. No more excuses to not make it to the gym because, "I can just do a video". No more short cuts! I'm in it to win it!!!! Plus, Laurie is kicking my butt because she's still jamming at the gym, at work and STILL completing the challenge on top of it all! What an inspiration!!!

When the world is unraveling before you . . .

You figure out how to tie it back up, right?

Well, it's true! I've been going through a great deal of unraveling. Now, I'm taking this bull by the horns and going to tackle it - the best I can!

First things first . . . Weigh in day. I jumped on the scale this morning, not really knowing what to expect, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. I was up again! Oh Yes! That ugly little scale said I was at 174! That's a whole 1.5 pounds more than last week (which was up). So, there is probably a great deal of truth in the idea that stress is a key contributor to obesity! I will not take that obesity back! I will not! But I will do what I can to conquer the stress demon in my world!

Next on the agenda . . . the 30 for 30 challenge! YES SIR! I'm still in it to win it! I have successfully completed AT LEAST 30 minutes of dedicated activity for 7 days in a row! Thank goodness for the ease of the workout videos. Between the Hip Hop Abs, the Tae Bo, and Kathy Smith's exercise videos, I've been quite successful. I've also included some mini-golf and I even had my sister get her booty moving with me!!! So, we're still on it and I'm still going forward.

So, last week (the same day I agreed to do the 30 for 30 challenge) things got tough for me. I'm under a great deal of stress at work. I've got a mess of co-workers that have turned into jerks because they are unhappy with their jobs and now it's being rolled down to me. It makes for a very difficult environment. So, while I was contemplating what to do with this situation, I was told (by my landlord) that I either kick out my friends/roommates or I will be asked to leave. Well, I certainly can't afford to live in the house on my own, so, I have now given my 30 days notice.

As if the work stress wasn't enough, then we add on the weight gain, then we add on financial troubles, and now moving? I think I'm in for a bit of a rough month! I need to figure out how to NOT let this get the best of me. I also need to figure out how to control my stress eating, emotional need to eat, and how to get back to the basics of what I KNOW to do!!!!!

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a little defeated right now. But, at the same time, I feel like I can take this. I need to get control and I know that this will provide me with a great deal of confidence, once the challenges subside.

Unfortunately, since I've been under so much stress and pressure at work, I have not been able to catch up with the blogs that I know and love and I can't wait to get back to them because - whether you know it or not - the blogs you all write are so inspiring and uplifting and so real! I cannot wait to see what's happening in blog land and find out that everyone else is doing swimmingly!

This one is for Liza and an update on the 30 for 30!

It's FRIDAY!!!! Finally!!!

So, Liza had asked a question about "what's C&P". Well, several months ago, when I had just started to explore the blog world and really get into this WONDERFUL blogging community, I had stumbled upon JustJil's Blog - which I LOVE! Anyway, she had shared a story about a co-worker and the co-worker said something incredibly questionable. Jil's post made me want to own up to the idea of being a C&P girl and really embrace it - even though it was meant to discount those who choose surgery. I am with Jil - it's tough, it's a difficult process, it's SO much more difficult than others think. Here's a link to the blog http://justjil.wordpress.com/2008/11/21/i-am-only-a-paper-girl-living-in-a-paper-world/- you should read it, if you get a chance. Jil is AMAZING! Just like so many of my other blog friends! So, Liza, in just a few short days, you'll be a C & P girl too!!!! We're definitely going to have to arrange a party!!!!! I would LOVE to actually meet you all!

Now, on to business! I've successfully completed 3 days of incorporating at least 30 minutes of exercise into my day! It's been a little tough, due to recent stress and emotion, but it feels good to be sticking to it in spite of the drama! I only made it to the gym once (day 1), but Wednesday I did a little Hip Hop abs (which was a riot), and last night I pulled out the old Tae Bo video! I had actually missed that! Now, I don't typically dedicate time to working out on the weekends but I will be doing that over this 30 day period. So, I'm certain some trips to the park, the roller rink, and the golf course are in order! :-) I'm going to complete this challenge if it kills me (which it won't because it's good for me! Thanks Laurie, for the inspiration! You're doing GREAT too!!!!

I'm looking forward to a good weekend. There is a lot that needs to be accomplished and I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective. My life is going to take on some serious changes that I'm not so sure that I'm ready for, but it will be good in the long run - so I hope. I'm sure I'll be venting about it soon enough! Until then, I hope all is well and I look forward to catching up with everyone soon (work has been crazy which really cuts into my blog reading)!

30 for 30 Challenge

I'm jumping on the bandwagon! Laurie is participating in a 30 for 30 (30 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days) Challenge and I'm challenging myself to go right along with her. See what you C & P girls do to me? I'm actually really excited about it and I'm excited about making it a whole 30 days. Yes, I typically get in a workout 3 - 4 days a week, but all 7 days for weeks? This will definitely be a bit of a challenge and I'm in it to win it!

So, the challenge began (for me) yesterday. It's a good thing that I met with Micah last night. We got this 30 day challenge thing started off with a bang! He worked me like no other. He even made the comment, "Heather, I don't think you've ever sweat this much with me." And he was right! IT WAS TOUGH, but it felt good. It felt good to be pushed and know that I wasn't giving up - even if I wanted to tell him that I couldn't do any more!

So, now, that I've devoted myself to 30 minutes every day, I have do decide what we're in for every day. I'm going to have to carefully plan it out. Tonight, it's either going to be a gym night or we're going to venture into the "Hip Hop Abs" territory. I haven't done that in so long, I'm almost giddy about the thought of "bustin a move" and working on my fitness at the same time.

Thanks for the challenge Laurie (and the support)! It's fun to have something to share and report! Anyone else want to join us? :-)

Now, I'll have to think of more rewards for myself when I succeed!!!! Maybe a trip to TEXAS (I've never been and always wanted to go) for some yummy, soft serve protein ice cream with some C & P peeps? hmmmmm? Maybe?!

Uh oh!

Yep! It's a bit of an "uh oh" day! Wait, Wait! I'm going to take Laurie's advice and "Fake it till you make it". It's a BEAUTIFUL day!!! Nothing could go wrong! I do want to fake it but I want all the ickys to go away while I'm faking it. What are the chance of that happening?

Back to business! Today was weigh in day! woo hoo! Well, I was up! Yes Sir! I was up a whole pound. Can you imagine?? Yeah, I was a little disappointed, but not at all surprised. In fact, I almost skipped my Wii session this morning because I knew it might be ugly. Don't get me wrong, it's only a pound. That can come off by next week anyway. But I was disappointed because I know EXACTLY what I did wrong: haven't been to the gym in a week, been under tons of stress at work, allowed myself to eat out of frustration/boredom, and ate way too much sugar! So, no question about it - the scale was exactly where it should've been!

On a better note, I'm back on track! Yesterday was a better day (than the weekend) and today has been even better. I'm scheduled for a session with Micah the personal trainer tonight, so there's no doubt I'll be kicked into shape (or at least a better attitude) by about 7:30 tonight!

I have decided that I am going to add more protein/shakes to my life. I've heard a lot of talk about how people stall in their weight loss or slow down dramatically and then kick up the protein and BAM, things start falling off. Well, I'm going to test that theory! I'm going to start tonight with a yummy chocolate/banana/PB2 shake after the work out! I'll keep you posted on my progress!

I have successfully ordered the book "Joining the Thin Club" and now, I just have to wait for it to arrive. Ok bloggy friends, have you read it? Do you like it so far??

I'm super excited about getting the book and reading it. I'm starting to enjoy reading again. The only frustration I have now is the lack of time. Can't people pay me to sit around and read instead of be at work all day long?? :-)

It's been a busy last week, busy weekend, and even busier week ahead. I need to take more time to write/blog and really get my feelings out there. Watch out! Things could get ugly! :-)

I hope you are all doing remarkably well. I look forward to catching up on blogs and chiming in on your successes!!!!

Tuesday? Already?

Yes, it is Tuesday and I don't have any clever reasons or antics to get out of weighing in today. So, the verdict is . . . I'm down 1.5 lbs! YIPEE!!! I'm now only 2.5 lbs away from my first MAJOR goal! That, of course, is to have lost 100 lbs before my Surgiversary on May 22! I don't know, but it's starting to look like I might make it! REALLY??? Now that will change my day around! Now, if I could only come up with a good "reward"!

I've been neglecting the blog somewhat consciously for a few days. I had a lot going on last week and I didn't really know how to sort it all out. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I look so different than what I'm used to. I'm also having to come to terms with that I still struggle with body image and body image issues. I am sure that I'm not the only one facing these issues, but they do force me to question what is going on in my head and how I really need to deal with these. Guess I'll be arranging for a therapy session soon!

On a more positive note, I'm feeling good about my exercise regime. I'm starting to feel like there's muscle - under the soft, squishy exterior, of course. But, I'm feeling it. I'm feeling muscles in my arms, legs, and quite possibly in my abs! It's a good feeling! And now, I just want more!!! Unfortunately, I'll have to skip the gym again tonight because I'm at home dealing with a poor, sick, little boy, but I'll get some sort of exercise in - even it's wrestling with the little man to get medicine down his throat! :-)

I'm trying to make this a good day! At least it started on the right foot!! Thank you Wii Fit! :-)

The secret is out!

Yep! It's my birthday! Happy birthday to me! (Thank you Laurie! What a bright and shiny day you have started!)

Isn't it strange how as we get older birthdays seem so much less significant? Is that because we no longer want to admit that we are getting older or are we just sick of celebrating them? Whatever it is, it's just not as fun as it used to be. But, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to have a great day!

So, in honor of my B-day, I decided to give myself a few things. 1) I didn't weigh today because I didn't want to be disappointed (just in case). I don't know that I would've been, but I'd rather not take the chance. 2) I'm sacrificing the gym tonight and rescheduling my appointment with Micah. Who wants to get beat up in the gym on their birthday? So, I over did it yesterday instead! Yeah me! 3) I'm giving myself a great attitude today, in spite of recent events (to be explained another time). I am entitled to a great day!

The plan for today? I'm taking off of work early today! Yes sir! And going to a movie (The Fast and the Furious - eye candy anyone?). A movie in the middle of the day? How cool is that? And then I'm having a free birthday burger at Red Robin with my son and some friends. Nothing too fancy, nothing over the top, just some good old fashioned fun.

I hope everyone is in for a fabulous day!