Thursday, June 17, 2010

So much to do . . .

Where is the motivation? Yep. I have a slew of things I need to accomplish for today (I have a class tonight) and even more to do for my interview & exit interview next week. Yet, I'm lacking in the drive to get it all done. It's summer. I'm supposed to be out having fun, swimming in the pool, playing games. Those are all things I WANT to do. Writing papers, preparing a portfolio, being nervous for an interview, etc. are all things I don't want to do. I will say, it will be fabulous to have everything done, interviewed, employed, and all that jazz, but I'm hesitating.

So, here's where the questions come in. Am I hesitating because there's a part of me that is not ready for everything to be over? Do I hesitate because I'm scared to death to be responsible for the education of 35 little minds? Do I hesitate because I'm afraid I'm not good enough? Do I hesitate because I fear once the work is over, all I have is me? You betcha!!!

I am confident in my dream of being a teacher. I'm confident that I am creative, inspiring, and driven to educate young people. I am not confident in others seeing that in me. I am confident that I can complete my tasks/work & portfolio in time and sufficiently. I am not confident in it being the best that I can produce. I am confident that I will be an excellent fit at the school & with the staff where I'm interviewing on Monday. I am not confident that I can relay that in a one hour meeting. I am afraid of being rejected and having to wonder why.

So, I am writing this in an effort to eliminate the negative thoughts in this post and in my process. If I am honest about what scares me, I can concentrate on conquering the fear - right? I want to be confident. I want to be the best I can be. I want to succeed. I am capable. I just have to get that "doubting delinquent" out of my head! So, this is what I'm focusing on today! I know I can do this.

Today, I plan to make a list of all of the reasons I should be proud of who I am and the goals I have (and will accomplish). Every time I think of something positive that I have accomplished, I am going to write it down. I'm hoping to come up with a list of at least 10 (but trying for 20) things that prove to me that I am right where I should be. I may even have to post them to just prove I did it and am worthy of recognizing myself! It may be tough, but I think it's a good hurdle to knock out of my way.

Now off to make a list and have a fabulous Thursday!


Laurie ( said...

I'm such a list writer... it's unreal! LOL
I firmly believe that writing out your fears/concerns will help you conquer them!
Hugs! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Jil said...

I am in agreement with Laurie for a number of reasons...

a) because she is right


b) because I apparently have no ideas of my own

or possibly

c) because she always comments ahead of me...

it's Friday so I am going to be kind to myself and run with "c"


One way or the other I really do think it is good to get it down on paper and be able to look at it...sometimes the act of plucking it out of your brain and putting it on paper can prompt you to see things in a new light...

Have a fantastic weekend!


Bringing Pretty Back said...

You are absolutely worthy of this next chapter in your life! Look how far you have come! You are a wonderful role model to your son and you will be a wonderful role model to all of the children you will teach and influence their lives! You were put on this earth to be a teacher ! So ...hold your head high,throw your shoulders back and... Go teach!

Bringing Pretty Back said...

I know! WHY do I have to be an overachiever in procrastination???!!! hahahahhhh!
Have a pretty day!