Thursday, July 1, 2010

Hmmmm, could it be nerves?

As I sit here and wonder why I haven't posted anything in a few days, my mind hits a little glitch. Could it be nerves? What have a got to be nervous about? Let's see, life in general? Yep! It's true. Is it fair to call it nerves? Is it anxiety? Is it fear? Is it disappointment? Could it be failure? Sure, it could be any one of those things. I'm just going to call it nerves.

What's making me so nervous? Here we go . . .
  • I'm nervous that I'm not going to find a job before school starts. There are so few jobs and I've been on several interviews for jobs that I haven't been selected to receive. I am applying for everything I can, but I'm nervous about the procedure because there are so many looking for so few jobs. I want to have something to focus all of my attention on and put forth energy. Because without something to focus on, I tend to stay in my own little world/or circle and that just isn't what I want to do.
  • I'm nervous that I am going to run out of money and not be able to support my child or myself without heavily depending on my family. It's sad that I can look on the "child support" website and see that the "biological" owes $30,000 that I will probably never see a penny of. I never have expected it. But boy, wouldn't that be nice to have?? I'm sad that I even think about it - but I do. I put receiving that money up there with winning the lottery. Sure, it could happen, but not likely.
  • I'm nervous about losing my passion for things. I haven't been unemployed (until now) since I turned 16! That's a lot of years of work. I've always had something to work toward, focus on and be passionate about. Even while I was in school I had a huge drive and a huge passion for these students. I am nervous that the few disappointments will cause a set back. I don't want that!
  • I'm nervous that my eating is out of control. I will have to get this under serious control or I will not have any clothes to wear when I DO get a job! (see that, still thinking positively - that's a good sign, right?)

So, now that I've come to terms with what makes me nervous - I MUST tackle them! If I can kick Monday's butt, why can't I kick these nerves? I CAN! And I will. I think I needed to list them so that I know what I have to tackle.

Here's to calming my nerves!!!


Bringing Pretty Back said...

Take a deep breath. Listen ~ This is what I believe. "What ever will be will be" . What do I mean by that? THIS: No matter how much you work yourself up - it will work out as it should. You will get the perfect job for you . You will keep your passion. You just will.
The right job is waitig for you - it is already yours. You just don't know about it yet. Pour a cup of coffee tea or wine. Whatever - sit down , enjoy this beautiful day.
Trust , that job is yours. Just be ready for it.

Janine said...

I agree with Bringing Pretty Back, you need to sit back and breath. Where is this "mind talk" coming from? You are a very strong women to have raised your family on your own. YOU can do anything you set your mind to, and the right job will be there for you.

Sending positive thoughts via the shores.


Heather said...

You both are so right! I will take a deep breath and just calm down. It's true that what will be will be and no matter what, it's pretty much beyond my control. I will trust that things will go well and work out exactly as they should. Thank you for the comments, it definitely helps me to see things from the "outside" perspective.

By the way . . . after I wrote this post, two new openings appeared on the "job finder" type of website. Yep, applied for them both. :-) And I'm even being calm about it. Thanks for sending the encouragement!