Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My theories are crap . . . and other emotional revelations/ramblings

Yep! I said it. I was so proud of myself over the last few weeks. See, I have been surrounded by sick people since the beginning of the year. Then, I thought that maybe I wasn't getting sick because I have become a well vitamined - healthy machine. I even told people that I thought I wasn't getting sick because I fell almost "over vitamined" per surgeons recommendations (just as any post-WLS person is vitamined). Well, that was crap! The only reason that I say this is because I think I'm getting sick. YUCK! I'm not a good "sick" person. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fighting this battle, but I'm just hoping and praying that I win!

In other news . . . The scale was the same again today. Sure, I can definitely chalk this one up to not feeling well. I skipped the gym last night and I'm skipping the gym (and my session w/ Micah) tonight as well. If it's true that rest and liquids can heal the sick, then that is what I will do! I do feel that resting last night helped the illness, but I don't think it helped the scale! No worries, I'll still push through. It's bound to change at some point, right?

In a nutshell, I'm a little "out of it" lately, probably because of whatever ailment I'm suffering with. I have been reading blogs, but I don't have any clever, quick witted comments to contribute and that makes me a little sad so I end up not saying anything. I know that I should, but I haven't. I hope you all understand, I'll get back on the commenting band-wagon before you know it. Don't stop writing though, I'll miss it too much!

So, I currently am finding that I have a lot of friends (YES, even cyber friends) that are having a lot of struggles in various areas of their lives right now. I feel really sad because I don't know what to say or what to do or how to take it all away. I really, really wish I did. I fear that saying something when I really don't know what they are going through would end up making it look like or feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about. It's true, I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I do like to think that a good friend would be able to offer at least a little sunshine in a day full of clouds.

I actually was able to meet with a really good friend of mine this past weekend. We were the best of friends. The only reason that even had to change was because I moved away several years ago and it was hard to connect from so far away. But, we got together on Saturday and Sunday and were catching up like nothing had changed. Anyway, not quite seven years ago my friend and her family were in a horribly, devastating car accident. Everyone in the accident was injured. She broke her collarbone and ankle. Her husband was crushed/shattered from the waist down and is still struggling with the injuries. But the person that got the most of it was her 10 week old son. It's a long story, but in short (for the sake of the reader) all but 10% of his tiny little brain was damaged and he will not ever be what we thought he was supposed to be. He is not expected to walk/talk/react/function as a normal person - ever. Of course, I believe most of us know and feel that things happen for a reason and I think there is no exception in this story. We may not know the true reason just yet, but I'm sure we'll figure it out in time.

The reason I share this story is to share what she had let me in on this past weekend. She told me that she would never forget that time that we were together because I was the ONLY person that treated her the same way I always did (and still seem to be that person). If she did something funny, I would laugh. If she did something embarrassing, I would remind her of it when necessary. If she did something silly, I would tell her about it (in my oh-so-charming sarcasm). Of course, I told her that I only did this because I didn't know how to act any different than I ever had. It was a tough time for all of us - especially her - and if I could be the only normalcy in her life for that moment, then that was my mission. But I didn't do that because I knew she needed it. I did it because I truly didn't know how else to react. Honestly, all of this time, I have felt that I never did enough. I didn't offer enough, I didn't laugh enough, I didn't give all that I could. But somehow, it was more than she could've ever asked for. She knew that there was NOTHING that any of us could do to take it all away, and all she wanted was to feel normal. She didn't want everyone to have pity on her. She didn't want people to look at her with "puppy dog" eyes because there was nothing they could do and they felt sorry for her. She just wanted to feel normal.

I never knew that this was something was appreciated or valued until this past weekend. Honestly, it gave me a whole new perspective on how I will view and deal with the struggles that my friends face when I know that there's nothing I can do but be there when they need me. I will do everything in my power to help. But I will also not treat you any different than I would have before the struggles appeared. Whether it be problems getting pregnant, problems with the child you've already conceived, or problems with the special needs child that has changed your life. I want to be the best friend that I can be. So, please, feel free to come to me. I will listen, without judgement. I will hug you, in hopes of bringing comfort. I will cry with you, so you don't have to cry alone. I will laugh with you, so that you know there is joy at the end of the trial. I would do this so you can trust that it will all work out as God intended and in his time.

You'll have to forgive me for the long, rambling post. I tend to get emotional when I'm not feeling well. This just had to come out. Please know that I do keep you all in my prayers (that goes for you Kim, Anita, & Lauren). Whether you/they read this message or not, I felt that they/you need to know that you're in my thoughts, my heart and in my prayers.

When I complain about the scales not moving, I need to be reminded of the fact that others have a LOT more to complain about! This is not how I expected this post to go. But the therapy of this post (for me) is priceless!

I'm praying for a week full of blessings!


GastricGirl said...

I hope you feel better soon! I loved your long rambling post! :) I, too, get very emotional when I don't feel good. Thanks for sharing! *hugs*

Kim H. said...

Hi there, I don't know if I'm the Kim you were taking about - but I really appreciated your story. That makes a lot of sense.

Don't ever feel like your comments aren't valued or right - as long as they come from the heart... that's all that matters. :-)

Heather said...

Thanks for the *hugs* and the encouragements! I appreciate you!

Yes, Kim, that was you I was talking about. Believe it or not, your struggles have been on my mind and in my prayers a lot lately. Trust me, that will continue because I know that there is something great that will come of this - so I certainly can't stop now! It's all about faith at this point!