An award, I'm honored!

Thank you Laurie for appreciating my ramblings. Who knew it was award worthy?

So, the rules are (if I understand them correctly) that I am to list seven things you may not know about me. Hey, I may find something else about me in the process too.

Here we go . . .

1. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology. So it's true, crazy people can get enjoyment out of learning about other crazy people. This should come in handy with my new career choice.
2. I get insomnia every Sunday night. I don't know why, it makes no sense, but it happens. This is all since WLS. I know that I'm not the only one who experiences this side effect, but I know that I don't like it. I need my sleep!
3. I have a fear of missing out. I get sad when people get together and have fun when I can't be around. I don't think I'm jealous, I just really like hanging out with people and wish I could do it more often.
4. I am a single women who hates to date. I wish the "right" guy - that's a ton of fun to be with - would just drop in my lap (so to speak) so I don't have to date. I hate the awkward meetings/conversations and I really don't like having to disappoint someone when I don't want to continue with the meeting.
5. I (we) haven't seen or heard from my son's father (aka - the biological) since before the little muffin turned one. Sometimes this makes me sad because he doesn't have a "Dad" like the other kids do, but I know it's the best thing for him, I just don't know how to explain it all to him so that he'll understand it. He's the light of my life and I can't imagine him thinking that he wasn't wanted. It just kills me. Someday it'll all make sense.
6. I cannot eat fruit (or much of it) since WLS. I didn't think it would bother me that much, but it kind of does. Sometimes I just want a nice ripe peach, or a few strawberries. Sure, I can do it, but it's not going to feel good for a while.
7. I LOVE that I don't drink or crave sodas anymore. I thought it would be difficult, but it's really not that bad. I don't even think twice about tasting them anymore. Now that's a good thing!

I thought this would be difficult, but surprisingly, this came quite easy today. I'm sure I could've listed more. That's not always the case.

So, on to the hard part. Now I get to "tag" 5 of my favorite bloggers to receive the award. Since Laurie listed a couple/few of my favs already, I get to list a couple of new ones - YIPEE!

And the award goes to . . .

Janine at Journey to a Mini Me

Jil at Shut Your Piehole

I said so at For Real, This Time

Kim at Faith, Grace & Giggles

Sheila at Stranger Than Fiction and More Fun too

Honestly, this part was more difficult than coming up with facts. I'm not sure who reads this blog. So, if you're out there and I don't know it, please drop a line and say "Hi". I'd love to hear from you!

I AM amazing!

While it's true, I'm trying to remind myself that I'm great and have wonderful qualities, I am absolutely amazing at one thing - PROCRASTINATING! If they gave medals, I could quite possibly get the gold. It sad, but so true.

So, I have an interview today! Let's be honest, I have an interview in less than 3 hours. That's a good thing. What is not a good thing is that I have one hour to get a portfolio together, my (very cute) outfit ironed and smart looking, and my head together enough to convince this principal that I am the BEST person for this position. I'm not doubting that things will happen, I'm doubting the greatness that they could've been had I given myself more time. I guess I can't really think much about that, especially considering that I should be doing things and I'm blogging! What a piece of work am I?

Yes, you may think I'm crazy for blogging instead of doing the other things I have, but this is an attempt at me "getting my head together". I had to clear some thoughts and put some positive energy in the air and hopefully get some good thoughts going my way today. Thank you for being my sound board.

Let's talk about why this job should be given to me:

• I have a true passion and a calling to redemptive service (teaching)
• I feel that I have the skills and the motivation to create captivating and encouraging lessons for students
• I teach in a way that inspires and provides the best styles for all students
• I work really well in collaborative groups and I am always looking for encouragement and criticism
• I have fun when I'm in the classroom
• I have high expectations for students and that tends to create a greater drive for them to succeed
• I will give it my all!

I am excited about this opportunity! I am excited to speak with this principal and even be considered. I hope that my excitement and confidence shows and the "desperation" stays home. I do believe that if this isn't where I'm supposed to be, I won't get the job. I just hope I get to have a peace about it today!

Wish me luck!

I hope you're all in for a very happy Monday! I'll check back and let you know how it goes!

So much to do . . .

Where is the motivation? Yep. I have a slew of things I need to accomplish for today (I have a class tonight) and even more to do for my interview & exit interview next week. Yet, I'm lacking in the drive to get it all done. It's summer. I'm supposed to be out having fun, swimming in the pool, playing games. Those are all things I WANT to do. Writing papers, preparing a portfolio, being nervous for an interview, etc. are all things I don't want to do. I will say, it will be fabulous to have everything done, interviewed, employed, and all that jazz, but I'm hesitating.

So, here's where the questions come in. Am I hesitating because there's a part of me that is not ready for everything to be over? Do I hesitate because I'm scared to death to be responsible for the education of 35 little minds? Do I hesitate because I'm afraid I'm not good enough? Do I hesitate because I fear once the work is over, all I have is me? You betcha!!!

I am confident in my dream of being a teacher. I'm confident that I am creative, inspiring, and driven to educate young people. I am not confident in others seeing that in me. I am confident that I can complete my tasks/work & portfolio in time and sufficiently. I am not confident in it being the best that I can produce. I am confident that I will be an excellent fit at the school & with the staff where I'm interviewing on Monday. I am not confident that I can relay that in a one hour meeting. I am afraid of being rejected and having to wonder why.

So, I am writing this in an effort to eliminate the negative thoughts in this post and in my process. If I am honest about what scares me, I can concentrate on conquering the fear - right? I want to be confident. I want to be the best I can be. I want to succeed. I am capable. I just have to get that "doubting delinquent" out of my head! So, this is what I'm focusing on today! I know I can do this.

Today, I plan to make a list of all of the reasons I should be proud of who I am and the goals I have (and will accomplish). Every time I think of something positive that I have accomplished, I am going to write it down. I'm hoping to come up with a list of at least 10 (but trying for 20) things that prove to me that I am right where I should be. I may even have to post them to just prove I did it and am worthy of recognizing myself! It may be tough, but I think it's a good hurdle to knock out of my way.

Now off to make a list and have a fabulous Thursday!

That chick is trying to kill me!

So, I was off to such a great start yesterday. I was positive, motivated, and ready to rock. I had committed to exercise for at least 30 minutes and so I wanted to be creative about what I was going to do. I decided to scroll through the "On Demand" feature with our new cable company (thank you Comcast). There were some very interesting options. One claimed to be as good as a tummy tuck (may try that someday) another was called "Cardioke", sounds crazy but it was intriguing, but I decided to settle on Jillian Michaels "Quick trouble zones". Maybe it would be better called, "A quick way to kill me"? I can't imagine what this "shred" that people are talking about would do!

Ok, Ok, lets be honest, I did the work out and I felt good - once it was over. Sure, it HURT, and I had to stop a time or two because I couldn't go any further (surrender pose? Let's be real)! But it felt good and productive, until today. Can we say "OUCH"? Yep. In fact, I can't tell if my stomach hurts because I have a flu bug, or if it's just that my belly has been worked. Guess this means I need to do more of this, huh? Do we think this could've sparked the dreaded insomnia of last night??

Since I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive, I'll list some good things that happened. I'm on chapter 5 in my new book (Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth). She's saying some things that I know are true, I just haven't figured out how to fix them. This book is not geared toward the C & P types, but she is talking about all of (or a whole lot of) the things I deal with from a psychological perspective. I can't wait to get to the point where I'm introduced to ways to deal with this. I sure hope it comes. I'll keep you posted.

I did eat much, much healthier yesterday. I had yummy veggies, chicken, and salads all day. I also drank lots of water! It was great, and it felt good. And no kettle corn yesterday - that was a real feat! Woo Hoo!

All in all, things are well. I'm excited about it being Friday. I'll be much more excited if I get a nap in!

I hope all is well and I hope you're all experiencing the BEST Friday ever! Happy weekend!

I'll get by with a little help from my friends . . .

Thank you Laurie & Jil for your encouragement! We CAN do this! It's really fun to know that I've got the support even if you are hundreds of miles away. Are there any teaching jobs in Texas?? ;-)

So, I must say that I felt successful yesterday. As soon as I posted, I knew I had to do what I could to make it! Let's be honest, the goals weren't difficult, just something that needed to be done. Had I not posted, I may have just let them slip by. I'm SO glad I didn't let that happen!

So, my accomplishments yesterday included:

• 2.5 mile walk, in the sun, beautiful day - if felt great
• yummy salad for lunch, chicken breast for dinner (all low carbs)
• positive attitude (the walk did help)
• read 1/2 a chapter in the book - once the family was around it was hard to stay focused
• Water, Water, Water!
• Reporting my success (ok, that's happening today, but I was ready yesterday)

So, today, I'm focused and ready to keep this up. Here are the goals for today:

• complete a 30 minute (at least) workout - no matter if it's a video, jog, bike ride, etc. Just 30 minutes of activity.
• Finish the chapter in the book.
• Stay positive and focused (Laurie's Thursday 13 started that off on the right note) :-)
• Healthy eating and plenty of protein
• WATER & MORE WATER

Sure, these are like mini-goals, but it's funny how important they can be. So, as I get these goals mastered, I'll start to focus on bigger and better things. For right now, it's about getting back to the basics.

There are so many other things that I feel like I would like to get off my chest, but I'm just not sure where or how to start. I figure if I can get myself back into the swing of things, I'll be able to sort out my feelings, questions, frustrations, etc., and get to the bottom of the craziness that I know and face.

Looking forward to reading many successes!

Shake, Shake, Shake!

Oh yes! I can happily admit that I have become a shaker! Since my 1-year appointment with my surgeon, I've been trying to figure out how to get more protein in my life. All of my labs were good, except for my protein. That meant that I either wasn't absorbing enough, or just not getting enough. So, about two weeks ago, I decided to push myself to actually drink a yummy protein shake every day. With my protein power and a cup of soy milk, I can have a daily shake for a good 30 - 45 grams of protein. In addition to my consumption, that's a pretty good number. I'm probably, now, taking in about 70 - 80 grams a day. This is a good thing.

So, as I was shaking away, I realized that I've been successful! I didn't even realize how successful (at getting more protein) I was until today. That's when I realized I've used a WHOLE gallon of soy milk at work! That means, I've stuck to this! Time to pat myself on the back! Finally! I'm doing something right! Maybe that is what's helping the scale along? Who knows?

I've got to be honest. I wouldn't be so successful if I didn't enjoy these shakes. This is TRULY the best protein powder I've ever had. I'm trying the strawberry for the very first time today. It's quite tasty!!! SEI Pharmaceuticals ROCKS!!!! Thanks EGGFACE for the tip!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Imagine that . . . it stayed put!

On weigh in day, the scale was still down! Yes, it's a reality and it's official! I've lost 100lbs. Boy, has it been work!!!! But, I get to claim it! Whether I feel it or not. Whether I look it or not. Whether I think I deserve it or not. I'm there! I have lost the weight and I get to claim it!!!! Woo hoo!

I actually was stopped today at my son's Day camp program. A mother from last year recognized Jacob and stopped me. She said, "OH MY! You're kidding. You are Jacob's Mom, right? I didn't even recognize you. I recognized Jacob, but I wouldn't have guessed it was you. How much weight have you lost?" I was a little bit floored. I had no idea why she stopped me. Then, when she was looking shocked, I thought she was going to tell me something bad about my son. But no, she knew that something was different. She was the first person I had to reply with, "I've lost 100 lbs"! Then, it was really real. I had to admit it. I will say, it made me feel good and made me realize that whether I see it or not, there's been a BIG change. She was so proud of me. She told me what a great job and a great thing I had done. Amazed at what had just happened, I walked away with quite a smile!

I went to meet with my surgeon yesterday. He gave me a clean bill of health. All is well and he thinks I'm doing fabulously! He said I look great. In nearly the same breath he said, "have you ever thought about abdominoplasty? I can help you to get a nice, flat, taut, tummy. You could be wearing a bikini." Of course, I told him that there was NOTHING he could do to get me in a bikini - he said, "Oh, I bet I could get you wanting to". Of course, I'm such a modest person that bikini is not in my vocabulary. We'll have to see about that. But, I must admit, he's got me thinking.

Even though I've had some good things happen, It's been a tough day. It's only 8:00pm and I'm ready to go to bed. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day! Will there be a week when every day is a "good" day? I'm waiting - impatiently - for that to happen!

Friday! It's a good thing!

I feel like I've been waiting for this day to come all week long! On Monday, I was wishing it was Friday already. And now . . . it's here. Whatever will I do with it?

I will take this day while "jumping for joy" that I don't have to be back at work tomorrow!!!! Yeehaw! Not to mention I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored tonight. I'm super excited about it. My hair will be cute again!

So, I have a little story. I'm gonna ramble and it may get ugly, but I'm going to let it out anyway. I'm a little torn and don't really know why. If you read the blog, you know that I've been struggling to get to where I can say, "I've lost 100 lbs". Honestly, I thought I had given up. There's seriously a part of me that has been sitting back saying, "It's not going to happen, you're just supposed to be bigger." And, I've believed it. So, I kind of resolved (with myself) that my goal should be 170. But there's a part of me that wasn't completely ready to give that up either.

I typically weigh myself on Tuesdays. I'm not normally tempted to weigh any other day. But for some reason, I was yesterday. So, I got on the scale and I saw it. Yes sir, the scale said, "169". Not even a smidge extra (no - .2 or .5 or .75), it was right on (almost a little lower). I stood there in shock. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if I should be excited or share or anything. So, what did I do? I went on with my day and acted like it didn't happen. Why would I rob myself of a celebration when that's what I have been working so hard to get to? I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have weighed. It was Thursday and I can't really count it until Tuesday. But there's a part of me that afraid that the number will change and I won't be able to claim it on Tuesday. That's why I couldn't count it or be excited about it or even be thrilled that it was below 170 - even once!

Finally, when my family and I sat down for dinner, I asked the question, "Did anyone weigh today?" I live in a house where we all struggle with weight and we're all working toward a goal of getting healthier, so I knew someone would've weighed. I wanted to find out if anyone else had success because I wanted to celebrate something, but for some reason didn't feel like my celebration was worthy. Sure enough, my sister had weighed (and was down a total of 11.5 lbs -YAHOO) and she even noticed that I had reached that "goal" that I had been pushing for. I didn't know what to say. I knew I wanted to be able to appreciate that number I saw. But I still didn't. It was strange.

My mother asked me, "so how does it feel to have lost 100lbs?" I responded with, "The same as it did at 99lbs."

I don't completely know what's going on in my head. I don't even know what to do about it. But I wanted to get it off my chest. I should probably make an appointment with the therapist! I want to feel good about the progress. I want to feel successful. But for some reason - even though I see it - I don't believe it. I guess I never really thought that I would succeed - even though I've sworn to everyone that I could and that I will. I still don't believe it. I think that there's a part of me that is afraid that once I get to "goal" I will not have anything to work so hard for. Even though I know that maintenance will be even HARDER than this past transition.

So, right now, I'm claiming it! I have OFFICIALLY lost 100 lbs!!!!! I am OFFICIALLY 9 lbs away from the original goal set for me at the time of my surgery. I cannot believe it. I don't even know what to do with it, but I am going to accept it! Once I get to the next goal, I get to re-evaluate and decide what the other goals should be. I just need to be able to accept them when I get there.

So, this weekend, I think my cute little haircut and I are going to go shopping. I HATE shopping, I do, I do, but I do need some things and I think I'm going to try to enjoy the experience and the idea of a reward. Besides, I haven't taken pictures in forever, so it's about time I get some updates going. Anyone want to join me? Let's celebrate!

Happy Friday!!!

Many thanks . . .

I must start out by saying "Thank you SO much" for the prayers and the well wishes! The surgery was a success. Of course, it was a bit of torture yesterday and re-cooperating today, but all in all, a success!

So, I have learned that I CAN go an entire day without eating or drinking ANYTHING! I'm not going to say I liked it, but it can be done! Yesterday the surgery schedule changed about 4 times. Where I was supposed to go in at 9:30am, they ended up taking me in at 3:30 pm. Quite different than what I had expected. But, it was something we had to do. My sister gave me a hard time about the fact that I was joking with my surgeon about how long it was taking. She definitely thought I should've done that AFTER he cut me open! Next time, I guess. I just feel fortunate that I have a great surgeon that I feel comfortable joking with and I know that I'm in good hands!

Anyway, the good news to report . . . NO hernias! No strangulation or kinks either. He did move some things around in there and said that it may take care of the problem. So, now we just wait and see. When the surgeon came out and talked to my family, they said that I was doing beautifully, healing beautifully, and my hard work and dedication was evident. Now, if that doesn't make your day, I don't know what will. Even though he didn't say those things to me, it made me feel very good about this whole process. I AM a success!!!

The bad news . . . I decided to weigh myself yesterday when I got home. I knew it was going to be disappointing and so I really am not taking it into consideration, but I gained 6 pounds from 8am to 8pm and I didn't even get to eat anything ALL DAY!!! Sort of funny. I'll be back to normal before you know it! Hopefully, even lower by Tuesday?? :-)

So now, I get to rest and re cooperate from the surgery. I must say, this was a BREEZE compared to the bypass! I don't get to shower until tonight and I'm restricted from driving a car or making any important decisions for 24 hours. Bummer! I guess someone else gets to decide what we eat for dinner (giggle, giggle).

I just wanted to make sure that I sent an update in case you were curious. All is well and getting better by the moment. I will say, the super-yum-delicious chocolate-peanut butter-banana protein shake is making a world of difference! And I'm not even being sarcastic! This stuff is GREAT!

Happy FRIDAY!!!!

Where has the time gone . . . .

Oh, I wish I could answer that question!!!

It has been so long since I've been able to even get online, let alone try to provide an update. So, here is my first attempt! It may be sketchy, but I'll get back, I promise!

A LOT has happened since my last entry in "blogland". So, let's catch you up!

1) I have officially moved!! Yes, it's true! It's taken nearly a MONTH to get everything done. I can happily say that I turned in the keys to my former residence on Saturday and felt the weight lifted as I drove away. I'm still having to drive to Visalia for my son's school, but tomorrow is my last day of that! YIPEE!!!

2) I skipped over my "surgiversary"! Again, it's true!!! My 1 year anniversary of my surgery was May 22, 2009! The sad thing is, I've been so busy, I didn't even get to celebrate. Not that I had any money to do anything, but I'm sure I'll make up for the celebration soon! I'm always up for suggestions!

So, naturally, with an anniversary, comes an appointment with the surgeon! And, I'm happy to say that it went well. I SO wanted to have lost 100 lbs by the time I saw him. Unfortunately, the day I saw him, I was 3 lbs shy of that goal. He was still excited for me. He told me that if I didn't lose another pound he was considering me a big success. That - of course - made me feel good. Though he did say, "I want you to try to go another 10 - 15 lbs just because I think you'll love it". He's funny. But, I agreed with him. I still have a good 10 - 15 to lose, just to see what It feels like!

The other good news is that all of my blood work came back great. All of the levels were good. Except for the protein. He told me that I need to get more protein because either I'm not getting enough or I'm not absorbing as much as I should be. So, protein supplements are back in my world! Let's see how that pans out.

There was one bad/ify report. I had explained some of the discomfort I've been having in the past month. I explained it as a feeling of "gall bladder" pain, but I had that removed almost 20 years ago (yes, I was young). And I've also been feeling like there's a ball rolling around in my abdomen/stomach. Unfortunately, Dr. Swartz thinks that there's a possibility that I have an intestinal hernia. The only way to diagnose and solve the problem is through a laproscopic/exploratory surgery. He asked if I wanted to go through with it and I said, "What would you do in my case?" He, of course, said, "If I were you, I'd have it done. It's better to be safe and fix it early than to let it go on and create damage." So, I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday.

3) Work has been absolutely horrendous! In fact, I've threatened to walk out (to myself, of course) more than once in the last two weeks. It's tough. I'm not good about not being happy. I'm not good about having to work with people who are miserable and make it their job to make me miserable too. I'm happy to report, though, that today has been a good day. I'm thinking that "This too shall pass" and I will be all the more stronger for it!

4) Weigh ins! I have been weighing in, I just haven't updated you all! So sorry! I, today, am down 99 lbs!!! I know, I know, why won't that one little pound just disappear? I have a feeling that I may have a little set back due to the surgery, but I'm not going to give up yet! I'm in this to win it! Stress can't keep me down. Intestinal distress can't keep me down. Not even moving in with a bunch of crazies will keep me down! I'm in it!!! I'll get there. You watch me!!! :-)

5) I lost track of the 30 for 30 challenge. I was doing great! Then, I became a little overwhelmed with all of the moving and downsizing and work, etc. that I forgot to keep track of the actual activity I was doing. I kept myself moving most of the time, but I didn't do "intentional" exercise everyday. I feel awful that I failed the challenge. All in all, I probably missed about 3 days. But I did learn from the experience. I learned how easy it will be to not exercise if I let things get in the way. I will keep on keeping on and dedicate myself to intentional activity.

6) Blog reading! I'm so sadly behind! But . . .since I'll be laid up this week (thanks to the surgery), I'll get a chance to catch up! I feel so far behind! I want to know what's going on in blogland! All of my cyber friends are so inspiring, touching, and wonderful bloggers, I want to catch up! I'll get back in the groove! I promise!

I'm certain I haven't caught you up on everything, but I feel better getting this stuff off of my chest! I hope all is well! I hope to be commenting on your lives/blogs VERY SOON!!!!!

It's Thursday? When did that happen?

So, I was sitting here realizing that I didn't get to post on my weekly weigh in day. Here I thought I was only a day behind. Then, I realized, it's THURSDAY!!!!

I'm in over my head. It's true. Work has been extremely tough and has kept me so busy I haven't been able to read blogs/keep up to date/let alone think about something that I get to post for myself. Then, in the evenings, I'm spending the time that I have packing and cleaning and moving and all that jazz.

I will say . . . I have still be able to do at LEAST 30 minutes of intentional activity for the 30 for 30 challenge. I may be cheating a little bit because a few times I've used moving and packing, but it is constant movement and I even wake up sore in the mornings. I certainly hope that life (as I currently know it) will slow down and allow me to enjoy a little more.

I DID make it on the scale this week. I don't know if it's good or bad, but the scale didn't move! It's good - because it didn't go up. It's bad - because it didn't go down either. I will not make my goal of being 100 lighter by my 1 year surgeons appointment (unless I can drop 6 lbs in 4 days), but I'm ok with that.

I found a piece of paper the other day, in my moving frenzy, and I was so blown away by this finding. The paper had a list of goals that I had written out a year ago (before surgery). I was so blown away because back then, I don't think I believed in myself. It really opened my eyes to what I truly was feeling last year (and so many times before).

Here are some things on the list:

• Be under 200 lbs
• Be able to shop in a "non" large sized store
• Be able to exercise for more than 20 minutes without feeling like I was going to die
• Be able to purchase undergarments from Victoria's Secret

The fun thing about the items on the list? I've done them all! And I'm still improving!!!!! I have been focusing on being all the way to goal, or on being done with this journey. But the reality is . . . I will NEVER be done. I will always be focused on this goal of being healthy and I will always be striving to be better and keep it off.

I may never get to what I originally thought of as a "number goal" but I have achieved so much already that it doesn't matter. I am a success and I can do all of the things that I thought were too hard (as of last year). I am grateful for the tool and the gift that I have . I am excited to be closing this first year of trials, experiments, tests, and milestones. I'm really looking forward to living as the newer, healthier version of me!

When you need a little reality check . . .

Just go through old pictures, right? Well, I stumbled upon a few pictures today while I was searching for something, and this is what I found. WOW! Really? Sure, I found others too, but this one got me.

I guess there's nothing like making yourself appreciate where you are by looking at where you've been? There's a huge part of me that wanted to delete this immediately when I saw it. It's certainly not the most flattering photo of me (and probably why I stopped taking pictures all together), but then I realized that I WANT this to be a reminder of where I was, how I felt, and how desperate I was to make a change. I want to be able to love myself, my accomplishments, and know that I do deserve to obtain and work toward the finer things in life. What a journey!!!

On a side note, Thanks Liza for the book suggestion! I'll be going out and finding that book this weekend! It sounds like a good one to have. I'll keep you all posted on my progress!

Success! Finally!

Lately, I've had a huge desire to experiment in the kitchen, like I used to. Well, I don't cook or even play nearly as often as I used to. This is probably because I don't eat like I used to and I don't have a ton of people around me to share it with. All that doesn't really matter. What matters is, I've been wanting to make some fun things, and have them be both good and good for me.

So, a few weeks ago Eggface (www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com), who posts wonderful ideas and recipes (like protein ice cream that even non-ops like) and all sorts of fun for the WLS world, posted a recipe for "mini protein donuts". I was so excited about the idea of having "healthy" donuts that I ordered the pan online. Well, I first attempted to make these donuts about 2 weeks ago and they turned out horribly! REALLY! And I thought, "Why in the world would someone think these are good"? And I decided, maybe it was just my tastes (everything has changed since surgery).

Last night, I decided I wasn't ready to give up on the donuts just yet. Besides, I had just bought the pan! I can't let it go so soon. I made a few minor changes to the recipe and BAM! They were GREAT! Seriously! I ate two (frozen) for breakfast and I was so glad I did. Finally, I get to feel successful in the kitchen again.

The night before, I had made some "mini" apple crisp (made with Splenda brown sugar) and they turned out fabulous also! So, I may be back in the kitchen! This has made my week. Now, I'm excited to explore opportunities and see what other recipes I can make. Kim, your "cuisine" is next on my list! :-)

So, I must say, a day that started off with donuts can't be all that bad, right? I'm excited about the weekend and looking forward to serious productivity and pampering!

Not your typical Friday . . .

I typically like to update my successes on Friday. Today, I'm sad to report that I don't feel the successes right now. I'm just in a bit of a funk today. It's been a very tough week but a decent week at the same time.

I have been dealing with issues of snacking. I don't think I'm truly hungry, but my body/brain is telling me that I am. I have this insatiable feeling that I have to fill and then I'll take a few bites of something (sometimes a little bit more) and it's NOT what I want. But the problem is that the feeling comes back just a little while later. I found myself going CRAZY on Wednesday. It was as if I couldn't stop and I couldn't figure it out. Then, I realized, I was eating/craving/wanting out of stress. I wanted something to take away the feelings I was dealing with and in the past food was my friend and would make it all go away (if only for a short while). But now, I don't have that! I need to stop feeding my feelings and acting like I don't have to solve the problem. I DO have to solve the problem. This is a new task and challenge for me and I will face it fully.

The good news is that this behavior didn't carry over to Thursday and I haven't had these feelings today either. Maybe it was just the frustration of the job/co-workers? Stress of disappointment due to the non-moving scale? Fear that I've hit the stopping point of weight loss before I'm ready. Whatever it was/or is, it needs to be faced and dealt with. That is my intention. I will look this demon in the face and punch it's lights out!

I've also decided that I need a "picture" or a vision of what I'm working toward. Unfortunately, I've never been there, so I don't know what the vision will be like. I'm already so much farther than I thought I would be. I don't even recognize myself. But I want to not recognize myself more. I just need to be able to see it. This is another thing I will be working towards. I'll have to get really creative on this one.

On the happier side of things, I've got a few things to look forward to (I'm with Laurie, I like bullets too):

• I'm going to be checking in with the local gym in the next week or so. This should help me on so many levels - and my son is excited about going too.
• I have a date tomorrow afternoon with a doctor! Yep, I'm a little intimidated, but excited at the same time.
• I've got a few celebrations this month and I'm looking forward to February being a healthier and better month than January.
• I've got to take some pictures! As of February 22, it's been 9 months since my ride began!

So, when the funk subsides, I've got some serious things to focus on! Time to dance it all away! Care to join me?

Speak it and it happens!

Again with the drama! So, after my post from yesterday, I have been able to remember vitamins today, my son's share day toy, and even to call a someone that I have been accidentally avoiding. Is that all it takes? Just write about my frustration with the memory and then it comes back? I even forgot to set an alarm on my phone to remind me, but I remembered anyway. Impressive!

This week is going pretty well. I'm a little bit behind on my goals for the week but I still have today, tomorrow, and Sunday! I've knocked out one elliptical session on Wednesday(another scheduled for tonight and then the 3rd for tomorrow) and 2 WiiFit sessions (yeah! One accomplishment down)! All this with a sick kid and a mid-week trip out of town to see a friend. I think I'm doing ok.

We have success . . .

Well, at least a little. This week I have successfully completed 2 elliptical workouts and one Wii Fit workout. Yes, that's still a little light, but it does give me something to work towards.

Yesterday, there was a big part of me that wanted to get on the elliptical again, but there was a bigger, more emotional, part of me that decided to take a rest. So, I took my (soon to be 6 year old) son to Target to pick out some Birthday wishes for himself. It was good for us. It felt like quality time even though we were looking at things. It was a good moment to share.

I will say, with the added exercise, I'm getting more of the "old" habits and ideas creeping in. I have been wanting to snack and eat all day long. Not that I'm hungry. Sure, there's some "head" hunger in there, but I don't believe that I'm really hungry. I'll want/crave something and think I need it SO bad, then I'll get it, take a bit or so and I'm really over it. But then, something else creeps in and I'll cave, but that doesn't do it either. I'm going to have to do some more journaling about my inner self to really see where these issues are coming from.

Fortunately, we'll have a busy weekend with a small Birthday gathering and some good family time that will take my mind off of my emotional issues. I also want to get more exercise in because I know that exercise typically helps my emotional state of mind. Let's hope this weekend proves to be a good one and pulls me out of my funk.

I've got to be in good spirits to celebrate my little muffin's birthday! Where were you 6 years ago Sunday? I was thanking God for my beautiful little muffin! :-)

Success of the year (so far at least) . . .

Yes, there has been success so far this year and I'm happy to share about it!

First, I said I was going to get back on the Wii Fit and I did! I got on this morning for not only a body test, but a few exercises also! I should've stayed on a lot longer, but I was short on time and vowed to hit it up again soon (if not tonight).

Second, I got back into the kitchen this week and have been playing with yummy (and healthy) recipes. Of course, the 5 minute WLS lemon cake I wanted so badly came out so badly so I'll have to attempt that one again with a few revisions. But I've got some plans to do more tonight. Cooking/playing in the kitchen is really therapeutic for me and I'm sad that I don't do more. AT the same time, I hate having leftovers that I can't eat and no one else likes to try. So, I'll do my best to find a happy medium, or a great way to save the good stuff.

Third, I went on a rampage last night. Sadly, I didn't finish any of the four projects I started, but they were started AND will be finished this weekend. One of those projects (along with the Christmas tree tear down and the cleaning up of the little one's room) was cleaning out my closet. I had 4 full garbage bags worth of clothes that I will not be wearing again. I had NO idea that I had so many clothes - mostly because I never fit into them or planned to and passed them up. In fact, there was one pair of navy green (if that's even a color) pants that I was so excited about fitting back into. They were my favorite pants years ago when I was at my (then) lowest weight ever. Well, I tried them on and they were too big! I missed the window! So, they are getting donated to someone that will hopefully get as much enjoyment out of them as I once did (YEARS ago).

Last, I'm back to feeling more positive. I even went back to one of my old past time actions (that I hadn't done in a while) and sent out some little packages to friends just because they were on my mind. They aren't expecting it, and I'm excited (and hoping) that it'll put a smile on their face just to know they are cared for.

I know that I can make the changes I need to and be dedicated to the improvement of me. I'm looking forward to seeing who I can become knowing that I can get better and be better every day!

Success of the week!

I'm still alive! Ok, Ok, I'm being dramatic, but I'm really getting sick of having this viral whatchamacallit. YUCK! I'm hoping to be fantabulous over the weekend. I've got a lot of stuff going on, maybe taking my mind off of feeling crappy will help me to have a good weekend and feel better too!

So, one success would be that I am feeling better than I did on Monday. That's gotta count for something, right?

Another success, I'm still in onederland. Nope, I haven't moved much at all, but it's still fun to think that I'm less than 200 lbs! Let's just hope that is what the doctor sees on Monday. Yep. I have my 6 month appointment with the surgeon on Monday. I don't know why, but I'm nervous. I guess there's a part of me that thinks I haven't lost enough or that I'm not doing everything in my power to get my weight down. It's been a struggle all of my life and even with having a bypass, it's a struggle. I look forward to the days when I don't value my worth or my achievements by the scale. Sure, 70 lbs is a big deal, but is it enough? See what I suffer through?

And finally, I have to mention this success: I found the mexi-melt and it's a great meal for me. I was super excited to realize that I didn't even get the afternoon hunger/munchies which I normally do. I didn't even eat again until 6pm when I had some rotisserie chicken from Costco (YUM)! So, that was a good sign. I'm going to keep that in mind next time too!

This weekend we are having a big family get together. I'm really excited about it. I'm a little nervous too because when we get together, we typically make our events eat-fests. I, personally, have taken the "fun" or desperate need for food out of my life, but I'm interested to see how I handle a whole weekend of nothing but eating. I'm planning to get some exercise in too (since there are plenty of places to walk/ride/play). This will prove to be the ultimate "pouch test". Can I handle it without making myself ill? We'll see.

I hope to have some great stories come Monday! :-)