Do the days seem to run together for anyone else, or is it just me?

Howdy, howdy!

First, I have to mention that one of my most favorite bloggers ever is having/hosting a give away! You should go and check out Laurie's blog! She's quite amazing.

Now, for the update on my world! I met with a friend/former roommate of mine last week. This was a great time for us too really catch up, especially since she recently went through the Lap-Band procedure. This was also a great opportunity for me to listen to some of the things she's been doing and it has sparked my interest as well. I find it fascinating that there are thousands of WLS surgeons out there and I think EVERY one of them gives you different advice. Her surgeon had suggested that she wait an entire hour after eating before drinking any liquids. My surgeon had suggested 30 minutes before & 30 minutes after. So, I thought to myself, "It can't hurt to try, right?" So I did! All weekend long I was really conscious of my liquid intake and I really do think it made a difference. I've been snacking less and forcing myself to drink a lot more water! So, I'm going to keep it up.

I haven't been consistent with my exercise, but I have been moving a lot more. I keep saying I will - and I will! I just need to get my butt moving so I can lose it (or at least 10 - 15 lbs of it). So, I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm just going to be encouraged and know that it will happen and I will love it!

I am sad to report that there is nothing new on the job front. I'm trying not to be discouraged, but it's tough. I need to be positive that things will work out. I'm saying my prayers and trusting that "THE" job will appear very soon!

So, here's to keeping ourselves motivated and encouraged! Happy Tuesday!!!

The truth will set you free!

If it's true that the "truth" will set you free, I imagine I'm in the need of a few confessions! Sure, it's not fun to admit, but it's something I must come to terms with. We'll call it therapy! So, get ready, the unloading begins now!

My first confession . . . I'm not exercising. I would like to say that I'm not exercising like I should be, but that would imply that I'm doing some sort of exercising at all. Sure, I could count doing dishes or folding laundry, but lets be honest, is that really exercise? No. It's necessity. I don't even walk my son to school anymore. Yes, for many months I've been way too busy (in my head) to exercise and that was a great excuse for a while. Not anymore. I'm on summer vacation. There is NO excuse for me (even though I still tend to create them).

Let's be honest, I love exercise - when it's a regular part of my life. When I've allowed my laziness to set in and become sedentary, it's really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I KNOW I feel better when I exercise, I know that things are easier to manage (like eating and sleeping) when I'm in the habit, it's just getting back into the habit that's creating a challenge.

Confession #2 - I'm not eating as well as I should be. I've been home and I love to play in the kitchen. This makes for a little bit of a struggle because I will eat the things I create. Sure, I'm still controlled in my portions, but I haven't been controlling my intake. I need to focus my energy to getting back to the program! I eat crap and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don't like that. I need to get back to the basics of my personal plan and get back to the feeling of greatness.

Confession # 3 - I've gained about 13 pounds in this last semester and this is NOT acceptable! My clothes are getting tight, my body is starting to protrude, my self esteem is starting to falter a bit. Sure, if I had kept to my end of the bargain and been exercising, eating better, and focusing on me, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, in an effort to set myself free - I'm sharing.

Confession # 4 - Finally, a positive confession - I am taking my vitamins, getting my protein in, drinking my water, and keeping myself real. I have weaknesses and I'm trying to work on them, but recognizing that I'm still doing what I need to in order to be healthier than I was two years ago is a big plus in my book.

I am not confessing in an attempt to get attention or to get people to realize that I've screwed up or even to brutalize myself, but I'm stating these things as a point of accountability. I know that I'm not doing everything I should be and I need to get this out in the open so that I can make changes and get the results I want. I want the motivation! I want the success! I want to know that I've got it!!! So, this is my therapy! I figure, if I post it and think that people will ask me about my progress and encourage me to do the right thing, than I will be stupid if I don't hold up my end of the bargain. So, whether it gets read or not, I am holding myself accountable!

So, to start myself off into positive changes, I've made goals for myself! These goals are as follows:

Today I will . . .

• Go for a walk. It may be warm outside, but it'll be great to get out!
• Make healthier meal choices by cutting out carbs (chips & Kettle corn) and putting in great lean proteins and veggies
• Stop snacking and start asking questions like, "Do I really need to eat or am I just bored?"
• Be positive! Know that I am 100% better physically, emotionally and mentally than I was two years ago
• Read at least one more chapter in the book recommended by the psychologist at my surgeons office. (The book is called "Women, Food, and God" - anyone read it?)
• Get ready to report my successes tomorrow!

The honeymoon is officially over and the rest is up to me!!!

Life, as I know it, is officially coming to an end.

No, No, No, I'm not on my death bed or anything of that nature, but I am moving forward and running (quickly and fiercely) away from the life of a student with no free time to speak of! YES! It's true! All of the tests have been taken (and passed), the unit has been completed, the graduation has happened, and I have been educated! I am one exit interview and an email away from being a California Credentialed Teacher. OH NO! If you have kids in California, watch out!!!!

I have been through a very exciting experience and I am looking forward to the great experiences my new found education will produce. And I can't wait to get my own classroom! Of course, that's the difficult part right now. This may not be the best time to get into education with all of the things going on. Fortunately, I am hopeful, optimistic, and excited about the adventure.

I am also excited about the free time I will have over the summer to jump into the lives and experiences of my bloggy friends. Oh, have I missed hearing things. I am so sad to have missed wedding celebrations, engagements, new babies, new pregnancies, new marathon trainers, and new pet additions. So CONGRATULATIONS to you ALL! I do feel so out of the loop. I know, I know, I said this in the last post too, but I wasn't quite finished at that point. Now, I'm ready! I'm ready to embrace the blog world and get the support and encouragement I desperately need from all of you. So, get ready, the comments will be flying! I hope you can keep up!! :-)

On another note, I have been so busy and overwhelmed with the completion of school and tests that I completely skipped over my 2 YEAR SURGIVERSARY! I never, ever, ever thought that I would skim over that day and not be able to reflect on all that WLS has given me, but in only two years - it happened. Fortunately, I get to reflect on the WLS results nearly every day and I will never forget what this has given to me.

So, now you're slightly updated. I will be creating another post soon to relay more of the happenings, but I just had to get back into the swing of things before I could overwhelm you (and myself) with the "good stuff".

So, happy Tuesday to you all! I'm wishing you a fantastic day!!

Do things ever really work out as we plan them to?

I'm beginning to think that things work out how they work out regardless of our plan. This may not be a bad thing, but for the planners, it's not a good thing either.

We, my son and I, were supposed to go out of town for a fun weekend with friends from Southern California. I had made arrangements to stay, called all of the people I wanted to see, and started to pack my bags. I haven't seen these folks in a while. Then . . . it happened. The poor little one got sick and I had to scrap it all. I'm sure it's all for the best, but it's just a little disappointing. Now, what is supposed to happen to make it all worth it?

So, I did go to the support group I spoke of on Monday night. It was a good time of sharing and getting to know some new people. I will say, for the first time, I was dumbfounded when one of the other support group attendees asked me what it was like being "normal" or "normal sized". I thought, "what? Who are you talking to?" When I realized she thought *I* was the normal sized person, I almost laughed. I still don't see it. Strange, isn't it? I still think they are just making 12's and 10's bigger these days. Why can't I see it? Why can't I feel it? Will I ever?

So, I've made a new goal for myself. I purchased the book, "Joining the Thin Club" months ago. I think it's time that I whip that "bad boy" out and get to reading. I could use some eye opening right about now. So, I NOW plan to tackle the book this weekend and see what kinds of improvements are going to hit me upside the head.

Has anyone out there read the book? Is it helpful? Wonderful? Worth the read? Do you have any other suggestions for helping with the mental case of weight loss and the after effects of it?

As far as the rest of life, things are still seeming to do well. I am looking forward to a good weekend full of healing (on the part of the child) and relaxing (this one is for me). I hope the weekend proves to be wonderful for all!

Happy Friday!!

It's been a whole week!

I cannot believe that I haven't updated this for a week. Not to mention that I haven't read any blogs either! This has got to change!!!

The good news . . . it looks like the scale is starting to come back down! YIPEE!! 169.5 today. I'll take it! Of course, I went camping this past weekend and worked my butt off! It was tough, but it was fun.

This past weekend was actually the wedding of a very close, dear, friend (and former roommate) of mine. It was a location wedding so there were several people there for the entire weekend. Some stayed in hotels, some in cabins, but Jacob and I stayed in a tent. Fun stuff - tons of work! I'd do it again in a heart beat. Yes, I would make some changes, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

The things I would've done differently bring me to the next order of business/concern. I have been experiencing something post WLS that concerns me. I used to be able to drink socially and not be too much trouble. Sure, I would be loud, giggly, and having a blast, but it never appeared to be a problem. Now, since WLS, I have noticed (on two separate occasions) that I will actually "Black-out" from alcohol consumption. I haven't figured out if it's what is being consumed, if it's an excessive amount, or if it just happens to be a few things. I have never, in my life (prior to WLS) drank so much that I would "black out". It is not a good or fun feeling. I never have believed in a true "black out" period, but now, I can't NOT believe in it. I seriously have NO recollection of what happened for a good chunk of time that night.

I feel like I jeopardized something. I'm not sure exactly what, but it's causing me grief. I feel that it's possible there are people who are disappointed in me. Most of all, I'm disappointed in myself. I know better. I was told that alcohol isn't the same for us WLSers anymore. I do drink the occasional beer here and there, but those occasions don't seem to affect me. It's the mixing that sends me over the edge and now I don't know what to do with it. Am I the only WLSer that has experienced this?

I hate that I have to be so real, and that this reality is negative right now. I have so many things happening in my life that I don't need to add this stress. But I did. And now I have to figure out if I need to fix it, should try to fix it, or just chalk it up to experience and move on? I feel haunted by this bad behavior and I am struggling now with how make it right or if it's even possible.

So, there's been some good news, and some bad news happening in my world. And there's oh so much more to share. I'll be back with a better update. I promise.

I hope all is well in blogland. I'll catch up with you all soon!

Scale reports and bald spots

Fortunately, I have some good news to report on the weigh in front. I was FINALLY back down to 169 this morning! YIPEE!!!! It feels like I saw the 160's for a moment and then my body just didn't want me to have the. I still have goals, I still want to see what it's like to be 165 and maybe even 155. But the way that my body has shut down on the weight loss front, I may just have to be satisfied with what I've got. And honestly, where I am is great! It's so much better than where I was a year ago - and a WHOLE lot better than I was two years ago.

Now, on to the bad news . . . I have a bald spot. OH YES, I do. On my head. I don't really know what to do about it. I try to cover it up with the way I style my hair, but sometimes, I feel self-conscious about it. I can't figure out if this is something that just recently happened or if I just didn't notice it until I got this shorter hair cut. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I thought everything was supposed to go back to normal after 9 - 12 months. But, I guess notsomuch.

I guess it goes back to having to take some bad with the good. Even with the bald spots, the loose skin, and the flabby arms/legs, I'm still grateful for what WLS has given me.

Now, if I could just get back to exercising! I miss it dearly! I need a plan!!!! I need to figure out how to put a couple of extra hours into my day. Suggestions?

Shake, Shake, Shake!

Oh yes! I can happily admit that I have become a shaker! Since my 1-year appointment with my surgeon, I've been trying to figure out how to get more protein in my life. All of my labs were good, except for my protein. That meant that I either wasn't absorbing enough, or just not getting enough. So, about two weeks ago, I decided to push myself to actually drink a yummy protein shake every day. With my protein power and a cup of soy milk, I can have a daily shake for a good 30 - 45 grams of protein. In addition to my consumption, that's a pretty good number. I'm probably, now, taking in about 70 - 80 grams a day. This is a good thing.

So, as I was shaking away, I realized that I've been successful! I didn't even realize how successful (at getting more protein) I was until today. That's when I realized I've used a WHOLE gallon of soy milk at work! That means, I've stuck to this! Time to pat myself on the back! Finally! I'm doing something right! Maybe that is what's helping the scale along? Who knows?

I've got to be honest. I wouldn't be so successful if I didn't enjoy these shakes. This is TRULY the best protein powder I've ever had. I'm trying the strawberry for the very first time today. It's quite tasty!!! SEI Pharmaceuticals ROCKS!!!! Thanks EGGFACE for the tip!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Friday! It's a good thing!

I feel like I've been waiting for this day to come all week long! On Monday, I was wishing it was Friday already. And now . . . it's here. Whatever will I do with it?

I will take this day while "jumping for joy" that I don't have to be back at work tomorrow!!!! Yeehaw! Not to mention I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored tonight. I'm super excited about it. My hair will be cute again!

So, I have a little story. I'm gonna ramble and it may get ugly, but I'm going to let it out anyway. I'm a little torn and don't really know why. If you read the blog, you know that I've been struggling to get to where I can say, "I've lost 100 lbs". Honestly, I thought I had given up. There's seriously a part of me that has been sitting back saying, "It's not going to happen, you're just supposed to be bigger." And, I've believed it. So, I kind of resolved (with myself) that my goal should be 170. But there's a part of me that wasn't completely ready to give that up either.

I typically weigh myself on Tuesdays. I'm not normally tempted to weigh any other day. But for some reason, I was yesterday. So, I got on the scale and I saw it. Yes sir, the scale said, "169". Not even a smidge extra (no - .2 or .5 or .75), it was right on (almost a little lower). I stood there in shock. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if I should be excited or share or anything. So, what did I do? I went on with my day and acted like it didn't happen. Why would I rob myself of a celebration when that's what I have been working so hard to get to? I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have weighed. It was Thursday and I can't really count it until Tuesday. But there's a part of me that afraid that the number will change and I won't be able to claim it on Tuesday. That's why I couldn't count it or be excited about it or even be thrilled that it was below 170 - even once!

Finally, when my family and I sat down for dinner, I asked the question, "Did anyone weigh today?" I live in a house where we all struggle with weight and we're all working toward a goal of getting healthier, so I knew someone would've weighed. I wanted to find out if anyone else had success because I wanted to celebrate something, but for some reason didn't feel like my celebration was worthy. Sure enough, my sister had weighed (and was down a total of 11.5 lbs -YAHOO) and she even noticed that I had reached that "goal" that I had been pushing for. I didn't know what to say. I knew I wanted to be able to appreciate that number I saw. But I still didn't. It was strange.

My mother asked me, "so how does it feel to have lost 100lbs?" I responded with, "The same as it did at 99lbs."

I don't completely know what's going on in my head. I don't even know what to do about it. But I wanted to get it off my chest. I should probably make an appointment with the therapist! I want to feel good about the progress. I want to feel successful. But for some reason - even though I see it - I don't believe it. I guess I never really thought that I would succeed - even though I've sworn to everyone that I could and that I will. I still don't believe it. I think that there's a part of me that is afraid that once I get to "goal" I will not have anything to work so hard for. Even though I know that maintenance will be even HARDER than this past transition.

So, right now, I'm claiming it! I have OFFICIALLY lost 100 lbs!!!!! I am OFFICIALLY 9 lbs away from the original goal set for me at the time of my surgery. I cannot believe it. I don't even know what to do with it, but I am going to accept it! Once I get to the next goal, I get to re-evaluate and decide what the other goals should be. I just need to be able to accept them when I get there.

So, this weekend, I think my cute little haircut and I are going to go shopping. I HATE shopping, I do, I do, but I do need some things and I think I'm going to try to enjoy the experience and the idea of a reward. Besides, I haven't taken pictures in forever, so it's about time I get some updates going. Anyone want to join me? Let's celebrate!

Happy Friday!!!

Many thanks . . .

I must start out by saying "Thank you SO much" for the prayers and the well wishes! The surgery was a success. Of course, it was a bit of torture yesterday and re-cooperating today, but all in all, a success!

So, I have learned that I CAN go an entire day without eating or drinking ANYTHING! I'm not going to say I liked it, but it can be done! Yesterday the surgery schedule changed about 4 times. Where I was supposed to go in at 9:30am, they ended up taking me in at 3:30 pm. Quite different than what I had expected. But, it was something we had to do. My sister gave me a hard time about the fact that I was joking with my surgeon about how long it was taking. She definitely thought I should've done that AFTER he cut me open! Next time, I guess. I just feel fortunate that I have a great surgeon that I feel comfortable joking with and I know that I'm in good hands!

Anyway, the good news to report . . . NO hernias! No strangulation or kinks either. He did move some things around in there and said that it may take care of the problem. So, now we just wait and see. When the surgeon came out and talked to my family, they said that I was doing beautifully, healing beautifully, and my hard work and dedication was evident. Now, if that doesn't make your day, I don't know what will. Even though he didn't say those things to me, it made me feel very good about this whole process. I AM a success!!!

The bad news . . . I decided to weigh myself yesterday when I got home. I knew it was going to be disappointing and so I really am not taking it into consideration, but I gained 6 pounds from 8am to 8pm and I didn't even get to eat anything ALL DAY!!! Sort of funny. I'll be back to normal before you know it! Hopefully, even lower by Tuesday?? :-)

So now, I get to rest and re cooperate from the surgery. I must say, this was a BREEZE compared to the bypass! I don't get to shower until tonight and I'm restricted from driving a car or making any important decisions for 24 hours. Bummer! I guess someone else gets to decide what we eat for dinner (giggle, giggle).

I just wanted to make sure that I sent an update in case you were curious. All is well and getting better by the moment. I will say, the super-yum-delicious chocolate-peanut butter-banana protein shake is making a world of difference! And I'm not even being sarcastic! This stuff is GREAT!

Happy FRIDAY!!!!

Where has the time gone . . . .

Oh, I wish I could answer that question!!!

It has been so long since I've been able to even get online, let alone try to provide an update. So, here is my first attempt! It may be sketchy, but I'll get back, I promise!

A LOT has happened since my last entry in "blogland". So, let's catch you up!

1) I have officially moved!! Yes, it's true! It's taken nearly a MONTH to get everything done. I can happily say that I turned in the keys to my former residence on Saturday and felt the weight lifted as I drove away. I'm still having to drive to Visalia for my son's school, but tomorrow is my last day of that! YIPEE!!!

2) I skipped over my "surgiversary"! Again, it's true!!! My 1 year anniversary of my surgery was May 22, 2009! The sad thing is, I've been so busy, I didn't even get to celebrate. Not that I had any money to do anything, but I'm sure I'll make up for the celebration soon! I'm always up for suggestions!

So, naturally, with an anniversary, comes an appointment with the surgeon! And, I'm happy to say that it went well. I SO wanted to have lost 100 lbs by the time I saw him. Unfortunately, the day I saw him, I was 3 lbs shy of that goal. He was still excited for me. He told me that if I didn't lose another pound he was considering me a big success. That - of course - made me feel good. Though he did say, "I want you to try to go another 10 - 15 lbs just because I think you'll love it". He's funny. But, I agreed with him. I still have a good 10 - 15 to lose, just to see what It feels like!

The other good news is that all of my blood work came back great. All of the levels were good. Except for the protein. He told me that I need to get more protein because either I'm not getting enough or I'm not absorbing as much as I should be. So, protein supplements are back in my world! Let's see how that pans out.

There was one bad/ify report. I had explained some of the discomfort I've been having in the past month. I explained it as a feeling of "gall bladder" pain, but I had that removed almost 20 years ago (yes, I was young). And I've also been feeling like there's a ball rolling around in my abdomen/stomach. Unfortunately, Dr. Swartz thinks that there's a possibility that I have an intestinal hernia. The only way to diagnose and solve the problem is through a laproscopic/exploratory surgery. He asked if I wanted to go through with it and I said, "What would you do in my case?" He, of course, said, "If I were you, I'd have it done. It's better to be safe and fix it early than to let it go on and create damage." So, I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday.

3) Work has been absolutely horrendous! In fact, I've threatened to walk out (to myself, of course) more than once in the last two weeks. It's tough. I'm not good about not being happy. I'm not good about having to work with people who are miserable and make it their job to make me miserable too. I'm happy to report, though, that today has been a good day. I'm thinking that "This too shall pass" and I will be all the more stronger for it!

4) Weigh ins! I have been weighing in, I just haven't updated you all! So sorry! I, today, am down 99 lbs!!! I know, I know, why won't that one little pound just disappear? I have a feeling that I may have a little set back due to the surgery, but I'm not going to give up yet! I'm in this to win it! Stress can't keep me down. Intestinal distress can't keep me down. Not even moving in with a bunch of crazies will keep me down! I'm in it!!! I'll get there. You watch me!!! :-)

5) I lost track of the 30 for 30 challenge. I was doing great! Then, I became a little overwhelmed with all of the moving and downsizing and work, etc. that I forgot to keep track of the actual activity I was doing. I kept myself moving most of the time, but I didn't do "intentional" exercise everyday. I feel awful that I failed the challenge. All in all, I probably missed about 3 days. But I did learn from the experience. I learned how easy it will be to not exercise if I let things get in the way. I will keep on keeping on and dedicate myself to intentional activity.

6) Blog reading! I'm so sadly behind! But . . .since I'll be laid up this week (thanks to the surgery), I'll get a chance to catch up! I feel so far behind! I want to know what's going on in blogland! All of my cyber friends are so inspiring, touching, and wonderful bloggers, I want to catch up! I'll get back in the groove! I promise!

I'm certain I haven't caught you up on everything, but I feel better getting this stuff off of my chest! I hope all is well! I hope to be commenting on your lives/blogs VERY SOON!!!!!

And we're back . . .

At least I hope so!

Last week was a rough week. Not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and even dietarily (don't know if that's a real word or not, but I don't mind). So, this week, we're looking for some changes.

Last week, I decided to take the week off of exercise because I wasn't feeling well and I was afraid that if I didn't rest that I would get more sick. Well, I think that was me telling myself to take a break because I wanted to be lazy. Of course, in retrospect, I think taking the week off was a horrible idea. I didn't get any worse, but I'm sure I could've pushed through and maybe even got better more quickly if I had "sweated" it all out? I don't know. But I need to be more aware of my "self-sabotage" and when it's trying to creep in. The really sad part is that I robbed my son of his social/activity hour and he really missed it. I will think twice before I allow us both the sacrifice for a little "rest" or laziness!

I also decided to follow in the foot-steps of a few of my cyber friends and track my daily intake. I picked www.fitday.com to be the current log of my calories/intake. This site will provide me with a pie chart of percentages of types of food. This is where the lovely little site brought me a little slap in the face. I have been consuming 60-65% of my calorie intake in carbs!!!!! This is not acceptable! Especially since I KNOW that I wasn't working them off last week. So, I'm glad that I kept track of this because now I know that I've been lying to myself (or at least not being completely honest) and this could be the reason that I'm not making the progress I want to. So, this week, I get to focus on getting those ugly, evil, yucky carbs out of my diet and hopefully see if that makes any changes.

I feel good about this week. I feel good about making progress and I feel good about making changes that will allow me to be healthier. I have the power to do this. I have the desire to be healthy. I just need to remember that the carbs and lack of exercise were major contributors to the reason I was where I was. I also have to remember how desperate I am and have been to get out of that place. The "new" Heather has to have a "new" plan!

Here's to a great week of success and realizations!

Do you think they took a part of my brain too?

I can't help but notice that I've been incredibly forgetful lately. Could it be surgery related? Ok, Ok, I'm being a little bit dramatic, but I don't remember being this forgetful pre-WLS.

Last week, I ran out of the vitamins that I keep at the office. I keep them here so I won't have to remember to bring them daily (not that I could remember). So, last Friday I tried to give myself a mental reminder to bring another bottle so I'll be vitamined through out the day. It's now THURSDAY and I still can't remember to bring them. Sure, I think about it EVERY DAY and yet, I leave the house vitaminless. It's not that big of a problem, but I then have to remember to take them when I get home so I am not deficient. It's just an annoyance.

It's not only vitamins. My Mom tried to get me to sign up for our cruise's "Fun Pass" about 3 times and I kept forgetting (as if she had never mentioned it at all). I finally got it all completed. Now, I just hope I don't forget that we're going on a cruise! That would be bad.

I can't be the only one that has memory problems, right? Is it just that I've hit "that age"? Could it really be something that happened since surgery? Will I get it back? What's that memory drug that's supposed to help? It's a bit frustrating.

On a good note, I hit the elliptical last night and WORKED MY TAIL OFF!!! It felt good, naturally, but it took getting over the sweat pouring down my body. Boy, did I sleep well last night!!! Two more sessions to go to make this a successful week. I'm on my way!