Friday! It's a good thing!

I feel like I've been waiting for this day to come all week long! On Monday, I was wishing it was Friday already. And now . . . it's here. Whatever will I do with it?

I will take this day while "jumping for joy" that I don't have to be back at work tomorrow!!!! Yeehaw! Not to mention I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored tonight. I'm super excited about it. My hair will be cute again!

So, I have a little story. I'm gonna ramble and it may get ugly, but I'm going to let it out anyway. I'm a little torn and don't really know why. If you read the blog, you know that I've been struggling to get to where I can say, "I've lost 100 lbs". Honestly, I thought I had given up. There's seriously a part of me that has been sitting back saying, "It's not going to happen, you're just supposed to be bigger." And, I've believed it. So, I kind of resolved (with myself) that my goal should be 170. But there's a part of me that wasn't completely ready to give that up either.

I typically weigh myself on Tuesdays. I'm not normally tempted to weigh any other day. But for some reason, I was yesterday. So, I got on the scale and I saw it. Yes sir, the scale said, "169". Not even a smidge extra (no - .2 or .5 or .75), it was right on (almost a little lower). I stood there in shock. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if I should be excited or share or anything. So, what did I do? I went on with my day and acted like it didn't happen. Why would I rob myself of a celebration when that's what I have been working so hard to get to? I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have weighed. It was Thursday and I can't really count it until Tuesday. But there's a part of me that afraid that the number will change and I won't be able to claim it on Tuesday. That's why I couldn't count it or be excited about it or even be thrilled that it was below 170 - even once!

Finally, when my family and I sat down for dinner, I asked the question, "Did anyone weigh today?" I live in a house where we all struggle with weight and we're all working toward a goal of getting healthier, so I knew someone would've weighed. I wanted to find out if anyone else had success because I wanted to celebrate something, but for some reason didn't feel like my celebration was worthy. Sure enough, my sister had weighed (and was down a total of 11.5 lbs -YAHOO) and she even noticed that I had reached that "goal" that I had been pushing for. I didn't know what to say. I knew I wanted to be able to appreciate that number I saw. But I still didn't. It was strange.

My mother asked me, "so how does it feel to have lost 100lbs?" I responded with, "The same as it did at 99lbs."

I don't completely know what's going on in my head. I don't even know what to do about it. But I wanted to get it off my chest. I should probably make an appointment with the therapist! I want to feel good about the progress. I want to feel successful. But for some reason - even though I see it - I don't believe it. I guess I never really thought that I would succeed - even though I've sworn to everyone that I could and that I will. I still don't believe it. I think that there's a part of me that is afraid that once I get to "goal" I will not have anything to work so hard for. Even though I know that maintenance will be even HARDER than this past transition.

So, right now, I'm claiming it! I have OFFICIALLY lost 100 lbs!!!!! I am OFFICIALLY 9 lbs away from the original goal set for me at the time of my surgery. I cannot believe it. I don't even know what to do with it, but I am going to accept it! Once I get to the next goal, I get to re-evaluate and decide what the other goals should be. I just need to be able to accept them when I get there.

So, this weekend, I think my cute little haircut and I are going to go shopping. I HATE shopping, I do, I do, but I do need some things and I think I'm going to try to enjoy the experience and the idea of a reward. Besides, I haven't taken pictures in forever, so it's about time I get some updates going. Anyone want to join me? Let's celebrate!

Happy Friday!!!

30 for 30 Challenge

I'm jumping on the bandwagon! Laurie is participating in a 30 for 30 (30 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days) Challenge and I'm challenging myself to go right along with her. See what you C & P girls do to me? I'm actually really excited about it and I'm excited about making it a whole 30 days. Yes, I typically get in a workout 3 - 4 days a week, but all 7 days for weeks? This will definitely be a bit of a challenge and I'm in it to win it!

So, the challenge began (for me) yesterday. It's a good thing that I met with Micah last night. We got this 30 day challenge thing started off with a bang! He worked me like no other. He even made the comment, "Heather, I don't think you've ever sweat this much with me." And he was right! IT WAS TOUGH, but it felt good. It felt good to be pushed and know that I wasn't giving up - even if I wanted to tell him that I couldn't do any more!

So, now, that I've devoted myself to 30 minutes every day, I have do decide what we're in for every day. I'm going to have to carefully plan it out. Tonight, it's either going to be a gym night or we're going to venture into the "Hip Hop Abs" territory. I haven't done that in so long, I'm almost giddy about the thought of "bustin a move" and working on my fitness at the same time.

Thanks for the challenge Laurie (and the support)! It's fun to have something to share and report! Anyone else want to join us? :-)

Now, I'll have to think of more rewards for myself when I succeed!!!! Maybe a trip to TEXAS (I've never been and always wanted to go) for some yummy, soft serve protein ice cream with some C & P peeps? hmmmmm? Maybe?!

Tuesday? Already?

Yes, it is Tuesday and I don't have any clever reasons or antics to get out of weighing in today. So, the verdict is . . . I'm down 1.5 lbs! YIPEE!!! I'm now only 2.5 lbs away from my first MAJOR goal! That, of course, is to have lost 100 lbs before my Surgiversary on May 22! I don't know, but it's starting to look like I might make it! REALLY??? Now that will change my day around! Now, if I could only come up with a good "reward"!

I've been neglecting the blog somewhat consciously for a few days. I had a lot going on last week and I didn't really know how to sort it all out. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I look so different than what I'm used to. I'm also having to come to terms with that I still struggle with body image and body image issues. I am sure that I'm not the only one facing these issues, but they do force me to question what is going on in my head and how I really need to deal with these. Guess I'll be arranging for a therapy session soon!

On a more positive note, I'm feeling good about my exercise regime. I'm starting to feel like there's muscle - under the soft, squishy exterior, of course. But, I'm feeling it. I'm feeling muscles in my arms, legs, and quite possibly in my abs! It's a good feeling! And now, I just want more!!! Unfortunately, I'll have to skip the gym again tonight because I'm at home dealing with a poor, sick, little boy, but I'll get some sort of exercise in - even it's wrestling with the little man to get medicine down his throat! :-)

I'm trying to make this a good day! At least it started on the right foot!! Thank you Wii Fit! :-)

Weigh ins and rewards

Is it Tuesday already? That's exactly what I thought as I was so rudely awakened by my alarm clock. Yep! It sure is and we all know what that means (for me) . . . weigh in day. The day that I get to check and track my progress. Today, I was down 1 pound (currently weighing in at 181.5 - and in a size 12). I'm happy about that pound, but I will say that I miss the weigh ins of December where I was down at least 2 pounds every week (or so it felt). I'd like another big loss, but for now, I will just focus on the task at hand. Being healthy, happy, vitamin taking, exercising, protein counting Me!

So, the idea that I'm getting closer to goals that I have set has got me thinking. I don't have any rewards established! Sure, I have set the goals - most of them have been long term - but now I'm getting closer and closer and I don't know how I'm going to celebrate or reward the time, effort, hard work, and excitement of these milestones. Years ago, when I had decided to change my life and lose weight, I had my sights set on a Tiffany ring. I was going to buy myself this fabulous Tiffany ring as a symbol of my accomplishment. My accomplishment was to get to 185 pounds (I had started at 235) and that would've been the lowest weight I had ever been. I was so excited about this ring and so motivated that I just COULDN'T wait to get there and I couldn't give up! It was such a great reward and a constant reminder of my accomplishment and my attainment of my personal goal. I FINALLY got to break out the ring again a month or so ago and it still reminds me (daily) of that time in my life, the feeling of accomplishment and that dedication.

How do people typically celebrate these things? Sure, I could say that I'll go out and buy a new wardrobe, but that's certainly not realistic (I'm not certain of my final size). I could say that I'll get a massage, pedicure, etc. but does that truly reward the accomplishment or just make me feel pretty? So, I need some ideas. Has anyone out there set goals and rewards for themselves? What did you do? Do you mind sharing?

I want to know what I'm working towards. I want to know what the reward is. I want to KNOW that I can get there. I want to be excited and driven by the thought of the reward. I want to be constantly reminded by it. So, what would you do?