Where has the time gone . . . .

Oh, I wish I could answer that question!!!

It has been so long since I've been able to even get online, let alone try to provide an update. So, here is my first attempt! It may be sketchy, but I'll get back, I promise!

A LOT has happened since my last entry in "blogland". So, let's catch you up!

1) I have officially moved!! Yes, it's true! It's taken nearly a MONTH to get everything done. I can happily say that I turned in the keys to my former residence on Saturday and felt the weight lifted as I drove away. I'm still having to drive to Visalia for my son's school, but tomorrow is my last day of that! YIPEE!!!

2) I skipped over my "surgiversary"! Again, it's true!!! My 1 year anniversary of my surgery was May 22, 2009! The sad thing is, I've been so busy, I didn't even get to celebrate. Not that I had any money to do anything, but I'm sure I'll make up for the celebration soon! I'm always up for suggestions!

So, naturally, with an anniversary, comes an appointment with the surgeon! And, I'm happy to say that it went well. I SO wanted to have lost 100 lbs by the time I saw him. Unfortunately, the day I saw him, I was 3 lbs shy of that goal. He was still excited for me. He told me that if I didn't lose another pound he was considering me a big success. That - of course - made me feel good. Though he did say, "I want you to try to go another 10 - 15 lbs just because I think you'll love it". He's funny. But, I agreed with him. I still have a good 10 - 15 to lose, just to see what It feels like!

The other good news is that all of my blood work came back great. All of the levels were good. Except for the protein. He told me that I need to get more protein because either I'm not getting enough or I'm not absorbing as much as I should be. So, protein supplements are back in my world! Let's see how that pans out.

There was one bad/ify report. I had explained some of the discomfort I've been having in the past month. I explained it as a feeling of "gall bladder" pain, but I had that removed almost 20 years ago (yes, I was young). And I've also been feeling like there's a ball rolling around in my abdomen/stomach. Unfortunately, Dr. Swartz thinks that there's a possibility that I have an intestinal hernia. The only way to diagnose and solve the problem is through a laproscopic/exploratory surgery. He asked if I wanted to go through with it and I said, "What would you do in my case?" He, of course, said, "If I were you, I'd have it done. It's better to be safe and fix it early than to let it go on and create damage." So, I am scheduled for surgery on Thursday.

3) Work has been absolutely horrendous! In fact, I've threatened to walk out (to myself, of course) more than once in the last two weeks. It's tough. I'm not good about not being happy. I'm not good about having to work with people who are miserable and make it their job to make me miserable too. I'm happy to report, though, that today has been a good day. I'm thinking that "This too shall pass" and I will be all the more stronger for it!

4) Weigh ins! I have been weighing in, I just haven't updated you all! So sorry! I, today, am down 99 lbs!!! I know, I know, why won't that one little pound just disappear? I have a feeling that I may have a little set back due to the surgery, but I'm not going to give up yet! I'm in this to win it! Stress can't keep me down. Intestinal distress can't keep me down. Not even moving in with a bunch of crazies will keep me down! I'm in it!!! I'll get there. You watch me!!! :-)

5) I lost track of the 30 for 30 challenge. I was doing great! Then, I became a little overwhelmed with all of the moving and downsizing and work, etc. that I forgot to keep track of the actual activity I was doing. I kept myself moving most of the time, but I didn't do "intentional" exercise everyday. I feel awful that I failed the challenge. All in all, I probably missed about 3 days. But I did learn from the experience. I learned how easy it will be to not exercise if I let things get in the way. I will keep on keeping on and dedicate myself to intentional activity.

6) Blog reading! I'm so sadly behind! But . . .since I'll be laid up this week (thanks to the surgery), I'll get a chance to catch up! I feel so far behind! I want to know what's going on in blogland! All of my cyber friends are so inspiring, touching, and wonderful bloggers, I want to catch up! I'll get back in the groove! I promise!

I'm certain I haven't caught you up on everything, but I feel better getting this stuff off of my chest! I hope all is well! I hope to be commenting on your lives/blogs VERY SOON!!!!!

It's Thursday? When did that happen?

So, I was sitting here realizing that I didn't get to post on my weekly weigh in day. Here I thought I was only a day behind. Then, I realized, it's THURSDAY!!!!

I'm in over my head. It's true. Work has been extremely tough and has kept me so busy I haven't been able to read blogs/keep up to date/let alone think about something that I get to post for myself. Then, in the evenings, I'm spending the time that I have packing and cleaning and moving and all that jazz.

I will say . . . I have still be able to do at LEAST 30 minutes of intentional activity for the 30 for 30 challenge. I may be cheating a little bit because a few times I've used moving and packing, but it is constant movement and I even wake up sore in the mornings. I certainly hope that life (as I currently know it) will slow down and allow me to enjoy a little more.

I DID make it on the scale this week. I don't know if it's good or bad, but the scale didn't move! It's good - because it didn't go up. It's bad - because it didn't go down either. I will not make my goal of being 100 lighter by my 1 year surgeons appointment (unless I can drop 6 lbs in 4 days), but I'm ok with that.

I found a piece of paper the other day, in my moving frenzy, and I was so blown away by this finding. The paper had a list of goals that I had written out a year ago (before surgery). I was so blown away because back then, I don't think I believed in myself. It really opened my eyes to what I truly was feeling last year (and so many times before).

Here are some things on the list:

• Be under 200 lbs
• Be able to shop in a "non" large sized store
• Be able to exercise for more than 20 minutes without feeling like I was going to die
• Be able to purchase undergarments from Victoria's Secret

The fun thing about the items on the list? I've done them all! And I'm still improving!!!!! I have been focusing on being all the way to goal, or on being done with this journey. But the reality is . . . I will NEVER be done. I will always be focused on this goal of being healthy and I will always be striving to be better and keep it off.

I may never get to what I originally thought of as a "number goal" but I have achieved so much already that it doesn't matter. I am a success and I can do all of the things that I thought were too hard (as of last year). I am grateful for the tool and the gift that I have . I am excited to be closing this first year of trials, experiments, tests, and milestones. I'm really looking forward to living as the newer, healthier version of me!

The "cop-out"

Yep! That's what I've said. I've found that I'm using the 30 for 30 challenge as a cop-out!

See, typically, I'll go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I'll work out for 45 minutes to an hour with some serious cardio and then light weight training. Well, I don't go everyday, so I was thinking that if I got a little exercise in every day, that would be great and a great challenge to see if any improvements could be made. Well, the problem is that I have now found that the 30 minute videos or a 30 minute walk are a great way to get the 30 minutes in for the challenge without having to spend the 2 hours it would take me to get to the gym, work out, and get back. The problem is, I've started substituting the videos for the gym because it's so easy. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. But the videos don't give me the work out I need or want. They get me by in terms of one goal. But this doesn't get me to where I want to be in terms of the "Big Picture"!

This is no one's fault but my own. And, I didn't realize it until last night when I did go to the gym because I had an appointment with Micah (personal trainer) and he worked me to the bone! I'm shocked I made it through the session. This all made me realize, that I need to do the 30 minutes in addition to my regularly scheduled work out days! Sometimes it just takes the sky falling and knocking me out to make me realize things that I should already know!

Don't get me wrong here. I'm still following through with the challenge and I'm feeling accomplished every time I get to log my exercise for the day and see that I've done 8 days in a row (soon to be more) without fail. But I need to realize that this challenge is exactly that. A challenge! On top of what you already know and do. So, this is how I will treat my big, bad 30 for 30 challenge. No more cop-outs. No more excuses to not make it to the gym because, "I can just do a video". No more short cuts! I'm in it to win it!!!! Plus, Laurie is kicking my butt because she's still jamming at the gym, at work and STILL completing the challenge on top of it all! What an inspiration!!!

When the world is unraveling before you . . .

You figure out how to tie it back up, right?

Well, it's true! I've been going through a great deal of unraveling. Now, I'm taking this bull by the horns and going to tackle it - the best I can!

First things first . . . Weigh in day. I jumped on the scale this morning, not really knowing what to expect, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. I was up again! Oh Yes! That ugly little scale said I was at 174! That's a whole 1.5 pounds more than last week (which was up). So, there is probably a great deal of truth in the idea that stress is a key contributor to obesity! I will not take that obesity back! I will not! But I will do what I can to conquer the stress demon in my world!

Next on the agenda . . . the 30 for 30 challenge! YES SIR! I'm still in it to win it! I have successfully completed AT LEAST 30 minutes of dedicated activity for 7 days in a row! Thank goodness for the ease of the workout videos. Between the Hip Hop Abs, the Tae Bo, and Kathy Smith's exercise videos, I've been quite successful. I've also included some mini-golf and I even had my sister get her booty moving with me!!! So, we're still on it and I'm still going forward.

So, last week (the same day I agreed to do the 30 for 30 challenge) things got tough for me. I'm under a great deal of stress at work. I've got a mess of co-workers that have turned into jerks because they are unhappy with their jobs and now it's being rolled down to me. It makes for a very difficult environment. So, while I was contemplating what to do with this situation, I was told (by my landlord) that I either kick out my friends/roommates or I will be asked to leave. Well, I certainly can't afford to live in the house on my own, so, I have now given my 30 days notice.

As if the work stress wasn't enough, then we add on the weight gain, then we add on financial troubles, and now moving? I think I'm in for a bit of a rough month! I need to figure out how to NOT let this get the best of me. I also need to figure out how to control my stress eating, emotional need to eat, and how to get back to the basics of what I KNOW to do!!!!!

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a little defeated right now. But, at the same time, I feel like I can take this. I need to get control and I know that this will provide me with a great deal of confidence, once the challenges subside.

Unfortunately, since I've been under so much stress and pressure at work, I have not been able to catch up with the blogs that I know and love and I can't wait to get back to them because - whether you know it or not - the blogs you all write are so inspiring and uplifting and so real! I cannot wait to see what's happening in blog land and find out that everyone else is doing swimmingly!

This one is for Liza and an update on the 30 for 30!

It's FRIDAY!!!! Finally!!!

So, Liza had asked a question about "what's C&P". Well, several months ago, when I had just started to explore the blog world and really get into this WONDERFUL blogging community, I had stumbled upon JustJil's Blog - which I LOVE! Anyway, she had shared a story about a co-worker and the co-worker said something incredibly questionable. Jil's post made me want to own up to the idea of being a C&P girl and really embrace it - even though it was meant to discount those who choose surgery. I am with Jil - it's tough, it's a difficult process, it's SO much more difficult than others think. Here's a link to the blog http://justjil.wordpress.com/2008/11/21/i-am-only-a-paper-girl-living-in-a-paper-world/- you should read it, if you get a chance. Jil is AMAZING! Just like so many of my other blog friends! So, Liza, in just a few short days, you'll be a C & P girl too!!!! We're definitely going to have to arrange a party!!!!! I would LOVE to actually meet you all!

Now, on to business! I've successfully completed 3 days of incorporating at least 30 minutes of exercise into my day! It's been a little tough, due to recent stress and emotion, but it feels good to be sticking to it in spite of the drama! I only made it to the gym once (day 1), but Wednesday I did a little Hip Hop abs (which was a riot), and last night I pulled out the old Tae Bo video! I had actually missed that! Now, I don't typically dedicate time to working out on the weekends but I will be doing that over this 30 day period. So, I'm certain some trips to the park, the roller rink, and the golf course are in order! :-) I'm going to complete this challenge if it kills me (which it won't because it's good for me! Thanks Laurie, for the inspiration! You're doing GREAT too!!!!

I'm looking forward to a good weekend. There is a lot that needs to be accomplished and I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective. My life is going to take on some serious changes that I'm not so sure that I'm ready for, but it will be good in the long run - so I hope. I'm sure I'll be venting about it soon enough! Until then, I hope all is well and I look forward to catching up with everyone soon (work has been crazy which really cuts into my blog reading)!

30 for 30 Challenge

I'm jumping on the bandwagon! Laurie is participating in a 30 for 30 (30 minutes of exercise every day for 30 days) Challenge and I'm challenging myself to go right along with her. See what you C & P girls do to me? I'm actually really excited about it and I'm excited about making it a whole 30 days. Yes, I typically get in a workout 3 - 4 days a week, but all 7 days for weeks? This will definitely be a bit of a challenge and I'm in it to win it!

So, the challenge began (for me) yesterday. It's a good thing that I met with Micah last night. We got this 30 day challenge thing started off with a bang! He worked me like no other. He even made the comment, "Heather, I don't think you've ever sweat this much with me." And he was right! IT WAS TOUGH, but it felt good. It felt good to be pushed and know that I wasn't giving up - even if I wanted to tell him that I couldn't do any more!

So, now, that I've devoted myself to 30 minutes every day, I have do decide what we're in for every day. I'm going to have to carefully plan it out. Tonight, it's either going to be a gym night or we're going to venture into the "Hip Hop Abs" territory. I haven't done that in so long, I'm almost giddy about the thought of "bustin a move" and working on my fitness at the same time.

Thanks for the challenge Laurie (and the support)! It's fun to have something to share and report! Anyone else want to join us? :-)

Now, I'll have to think of more rewards for myself when I succeed!!!! Maybe a trip to TEXAS (I've never been and always wanted to go) for some yummy, soft serve protein ice cream with some C & P peeps? hmmmmm? Maybe?!