It worked!

Guess who got somewhat motivated and out of the house yesterday? ME!! YIPEE! Sure, it took some effort, but I did it. I even got some housework done too. I just need to change my focus a bit. In stead of being sad and upset that things aren't going my way, I should take advantage of having so much time on my hands. Pretty soon, I won't have any free time (hopefully).

Today I got out of the house and walked my son to school. It felt so good. It was only a 7 minute walk and it made me wonder, "Why don't we do this every day?" I think I'm going to change that. We both need more exercise in our lives.

Fortunately, I get to get out of the house today too!!! One of my best friends and I are meeting for lunch. I'm super excited and looking forward to getting out and doing something other than stalking the employment website. It's the small things that make me happy.

I hope we're all experiencing the best Friday possible!

The truth will set you free!

If it's true that the "truth" will set you free, I imagine I'm in the need of a few confessions! Sure, it's not fun to admit, but it's something I must come to terms with. We'll call it therapy! So, get ready, the unloading begins now!

My first confession . . . I'm not exercising. I would like to say that I'm not exercising like I should be, but that would imply that I'm doing some sort of exercising at all. Sure, I could count doing dishes or folding laundry, but lets be honest, is that really exercise? No. It's necessity. I don't even walk my son to school anymore. Yes, for many months I've been way too busy (in my head) to exercise and that was a great excuse for a while. Not anymore. I'm on summer vacation. There is NO excuse for me (even though I still tend to create them).

Let's be honest, I love exercise - when it's a regular part of my life. When I've allowed my laziness to set in and become sedentary, it's really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I KNOW I feel better when I exercise, I know that things are easier to manage (like eating and sleeping) when I'm in the habit, it's just getting back into the habit that's creating a challenge.

Confession #2 - I'm not eating as well as I should be. I've been home and I love to play in the kitchen. This makes for a little bit of a struggle because I will eat the things I create. Sure, I'm still controlled in my portions, but I haven't been controlling my intake. I need to focus my energy to getting back to the program! I eat crap and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don't like that. I need to get back to the basics of my personal plan and get back to the feeling of greatness.

Confession # 3 - I've gained about 13 pounds in this last semester and this is NOT acceptable! My clothes are getting tight, my body is starting to protrude, my self esteem is starting to falter a bit. Sure, if I had kept to my end of the bargain and been exercising, eating better, and focusing on me, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, in an effort to set myself free - I'm sharing.

Confession # 4 - Finally, a positive confession - I am taking my vitamins, getting my protein in, drinking my water, and keeping myself real. I have weaknesses and I'm trying to work on them, but recognizing that I'm still doing what I need to in order to be healthier than I was two years ago is a big plus in my book.

I am not confessing in an attempt to get attention or to get people to realize that I've screwed up or even to brutalize myself, but I'm stating these things as a point of accountability. I know that I'm not doing everything I should be and I need to get this out in the open so that I can make changes and get the results I want. I want the motivation! I want the success! I want to know that I've got it!!! So, this is my therapy! I figure, if I post it and think that people will ask me about my progress and encourage me to do the right thing, than I will be stupid if I don't hold up my end of the bargain. So, whether it gets read or not, I am holding myself accountable!

So, to start myself off into positive changes, I've made goals for myself! These goals are as follows:

Today I will . . .

• Go for a walk. It may be warm outside, but it'll be great to get out!
• Make healthier meal choices by cutting out carbs (chips & Kettle corn) and putting in great lean proteins and veggies
• Stop snacking and start asking questions like, "Do I really need to eat or am I just bored?"
• Be positive! Know that I am 100% better physically, emotionally and mentally than I was two years ago
• Read at least one more chapter in the book recommended by the psychologist at my surgeons office. (The book is called "Women, Food, and God" - anyone read it?)
• Get ready to report my successes tomorrow!

The honeymoon is officially over and the rest is up to me!!!

And I thought not blogging for a week was a big deal?

HELLO!!! It's me! I love that the last item I posted was commenting on the fact that I haven't blogged in over a week. I guess I was trying to shoot for a month this time? Well . . . I didn't make it!!! Whew!!!!

Boy! Has life given me a run for my money or what? Shall I catch you up? Let's do bullets . . .

• Things at work didn't get better. I had let my boss know that if things didn't change or even appear to change that I would no longer be able to work in those conditions.
• I have been unemployed as of Friday, August 24, 2009. I've never been unemployed in my entire adult life and it's scary as all get out. I can say that it was self-induced, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
• I have officially gone back to school to finish what I started so long ago. I will be a California Credentialed Teacher by May 2010! And hopefully have a job/contract by next Fall! I feel good about it.
• My son started 1st grade and he's so advanced that he's bored. We're working on that and I've told his teacher that she has my full support - especially since I will be needing the experience.
• My weight is still about the same. I go from 168 - 171 on a fairly regular basis. I want to kick something into gear because I want to see and feel 160 - maybe even 150's? If it doesn't happen, I'm ok with that. But I want to at least try.
• I've made it my goal to find a gym to join here in Fresno (hopefully this weekend). I haven't been to a gym since I have moved (June, 2009) and I think it's really taking it's toll on me, not only physically but emotionally as well. Who knew that so much stress would be associated with resigning your job?

So, in a nutshell, I've had some serious changes take place over the last few weeks. I was overwhelmed, then got a bit depressed, but now, I see the good that will be coming of it all. I guess you never know what life has in store for you until you take the necessary leaps and jump out of the window!

I will say that I'm excited about having time to find out about myself and about what I want. I am determined to take care of myself. I will be better able to focus on myself and really focus on what I want out of life and step away from the things that I don't want.

I have missed the blogland community and now I don't have to worry about being blocked from work!!! So, watch out friends . . . the comments will be pouring in! I'm so excited to get back into what exciting things are happening in your lives!

Where do I go to get motivation?

Everyday I attempt to start the day out fresh and new with energy and motivation. Sadly, somewhere between 9am and 12:00pm that energy and motivation are gone! Now, where in the world am I supposed to go to get that back?

It's no surprise (to the people around me) that my place of work has taken a turn from what it has been. That turn has not been on a positive note. We, fortunately, aren't being hit with the threat of laying people off (just yet), but the attitudes and the people are just getting to be unbearable. What in the world do you do when you have a stable job, but you just can't stand to be there? This is what I'm dealing with right now. It's tough.

The problem with these issues is that it's making the rest of my world crumble. I'm stressed out, unhappy, and struggling to be here every day. These feelings/emotions are taking a toll on me physically, mentally and nutritionally. I'm going back to old habits because that's what I know (or think I know) will ease the pain. Not only does it NOT ease the stress/pain/etc., it's making things worse because now I feel like another part of my life is out of control.

I need to gain control. I need to situate things in my world. I need to get back to a state of happiness. I've always said (in my career) that when it's not fun anymore, it's time to look for something else. I think it's time to look for something else.

I have put in an application at a local children's hospital, but I don't really have medical experience. I do know someone that is close to the position and that may help, but you just never know.

I've actually been, seriously, considering biting the bullet and going back to school. I am one year away from a teaching credential and teaching is something that I feel I have a great passion for and I, personally, think I'd be pretty good at it. I've already completed one semester of part time student teaching and it was a great experience. The problem with that option is that it will be very tough to make it financially with school, not having a stable income, and supporting my family. But, I can't stop thinking about that being the best option.

No matter what goes on, I need to regain control. I need to know that I can make it through this. I need to feel like I will succeed and I will not let the stress and emotions get the best of me. I need focus!

I will say, the early morning walks with my sister are a great help. It gets me moving early in the morning and actually gets me better equipped for the day. I need to kick it up a bit, but I have do admit, it's a great place to start!

Aren't you glad it's pre-Friday???

I'm such a cheater!

So, I told everyone that I was going to be strong and not check my actually weight on the Wii Fit except for on Tuesdays (my official weigh in day). Well, I so wanted that to be true this morning. I did, I did. But when I saw that my BMI had dropped significantly, I just couldn't hold back. So, I did it! I checked. Do you know what it said? 198.9. WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? There wasn't a 2 at the beginning? I didn't even know what to do. I didn't know what to think. There was a 1! Do you know what that means? I'm officially in ONEDERLAND!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!! I just had to share!

The weekend was good (you can tell by the pictures). Of course, I had several struggles over the weekend that have now been resolved, fortunately. But the cheating this morning did help! I also think the large amounts of walking helped a lot.

I got to see one of my beloved friends (former roommate) that I've been missing terribly. She is so amazing! She's so encouraging and always has great insight. Not to mention that she is one of those "skinny" people that don't stop moving (which means that when I'm with her, I don't either). So, we did a lot of walking, talking, hugging, and catching up. It was fabulous!!! And, it also made me realize how much more walking I need in my life. Even with the new found exercise regimes, elliptical trainers, Wii Fitting, I will be adding a whole lot more walking into my life!

So, all in all, things are going pretty well. I'm feeling good and I'm ready for a very, very busy week!!!