Do the days seem to run together for anyone else, or is it just me?

Howdy, howdy!

First, I have to mention that one of my most favorite bloggers ever is having/hosting a give away! You should go and check out Laurie's blog! She's quite amazing.

Now, for the update on my world! I met with a friend/former roommate of mine last week. This was a great time for us too really catch up, especially since she recently went through the Lap-Band procedure. This was also a great opportunity for me to listen to some of the things she's been doing and it has sparked my interest as well. I find it fascinating that there are thousands of WLS surgeons out there and I think EVERY one of them gives you different advice. Her surgeon had suggested that she wait an entire hour after eating before drinking any liquids. My surgeon had suggested 30 minutes before & 30 minutes after. So, I thought to myself, "It can't hurt to try, right?" So I did! All weekend long I was really conscious of my liquid intake and I really do think it made a difference. I've been snacking less and forcing myself to drink a lot more water! So, I'm going to keep it up.

I haven't been consistent with my exercise, but I have been moving a lot more. I keep saying I will - and I will! I just need to get my butt moving so I can lose it (or at least 10 - 15 lbs of it). So, I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm just going to be encouraged and know that it will happen and I will love it!

I am sad to report that there is nothing new on the job front. I'm trying not to be discouraged, but it's tough. I need to be positive that things will work out. I'm saying my prayers and trusting that "THE" job will appear very soon!

So, here's to keeping ourselves motivated and encouraged! Happy Tuesday!!!

Peek-a-boo

Oh look! I'm finally checking in!

I wish I could tell you that there are some amazing (and good) reasons that I have not been present in "blog land", but I'd be lying! Sure, I've had some activities and impromptu trips, but there really is no excuse for not keeping myself accountable. And I think that's exactly it! I believe I am going through a bit of a "slump" or a period of time when I just don't know what's going on. I want to be motivated to exercise, but I'm not. I want to eat better, but I continue to make poor choices. I want to have a job, but things are just not going that way right now. What is frustrating to me is that there is NO reason to be in a slump! But I am. And it's icky!

I have actually not been feeling well. I fear that there is something wrong with my digestive system and that takes it's toll on me. Food isn't sitting well. Coffee isn't sitting well. Starving isn't fun. So, I have to figure out what it is. Instead of sit here and feel sorry for myself and continually making myself feel worse by trying to use food as a "cure", I am going back to the basics to see if that helps. Yesterday I was telling myself that I would only consume liquids today. That seemed like a good thing to do to get back to feeling better and then introducing things slowly to find the problem. Yep, great idea. Until this morning! So, I have decided to no go that far back to the basics. I am going to be eating small portions (like I should be anyway), and mild or bland foods. So far, so good. I'm also NOT going to eat because I'm bored or frustrated or sick. I will only eat (a small portion) when I am feeling ACTUAL hunger. This should help with the feeling of illness AND the weight I've gained!

Yep, I said it. I've gained weight. I'm at a scary point and I don't like it. I thought I would never let myself get over the 170 mark. Then when I hovered at 175 I was thinking, "Maybe this is where my body is comfortable?" Then I got to the 180's and I said (to myself, of course), "THIS IS ENOUGH!" Time to get control of my life, my eating, and my exercise. This is what I shall do! Sometimes it takes us admitting to ourselves that there is a problem. This is what I am doing! So, now that it's out there - it needs to be fixed!

So, today is the day! It's HUMP DAY! It's also time to take my life back day - and feel good about it! It's serious now!!! Thanks for letting me fess up. I hope you're all off to a great day!

Another one bites the dust . . .

Happy Tuesday!

I'm back from the Family Reunion Adventure. We had so many catastrophes (most of them minor, thankfully) that I couldn't wait to get home, just to make sure I was safe. There were 45-50 of our crazy family members together and in 3 days we had 8 accidents/injuries/etc. NO JOKE! Maybe the whole reunion thing wasn't a good thing? Fortunately, all survived and all are improving (if they hadn't improved over the weekend). I can say, we had a blast, but we also had moments that we could've (and should've) lived without. From the forehead gash/infection, to the heat exhaustion, to the collision of boats, to the choking, to the tripping, to the falling onto the boat dock and the heart attack scare, we have created some serious stories - I bet there are more, I just don't care to remember them all. This was a weekend that showed us how much we love and appreciate our family. Believe it or not, we can't wait to be together again. Of course this will have to wait until everyone heals! I LOVE my family!!

In other news . . . I received a call yesterday stating that I was not selected for the job - again. This one didn't surprise me, based on the experience I had at the interview. I was told that the person that was selected had a lot of experience with this grade level. Again, back to the drawing board! Sure, I'm still trying to remain positive. Unfortunately, it's difficult. But, this too shall pass! I know that greatness is out there and that is what I will wait for. It will be worth it!

I've also decided that I need to get my rear in gear! I'm going to get back to my exercise & healthy eating. I figure that if I'm feeling great about myself, then good things can happen. When I'm feeling bloated, lethargic, and not-so great, people can see that. I want to be the best I can be because I want to get the best possible for me!! So, I'm making changes! I need more water, more exercise/movement, and less food. Can't be that difficult, right? Once I have a full plan, I'm sure I'll be sharing it!

I hope all are well and having a fantastic week! I look forward to hearing/reading what happened in your lives this past weekend! :-)

Back in the saddle again . . .

Oh yes! I'm back! And it's MONDAY!! Happy Monday to you!

So, what does Monday mean to me? THIS MONDAY (today) means it's time to get back to the important things in life. No more excuses about stress. No more excuses about not having time. I have all the time in world (right now) to get back on track. It's time for me to be closely watching what I shovel into my mouth. It's time for me to be aware of how much (or how little) my body is moving and make it happen! No more excuses! I can't say I'm too stressed out - I'm not working. I can't say I don't have time - I have all the time in the world right now. I can't say that I can't do it - I've got to try! The excuses are just that. An excuse to be lazy and to slip back into what I know (being overweight). I can't do that. It's just not an option. So, to everyone that is changing there focus today - I'm with you!!!

Not only is it Monday, it's going to be a scorcher today (supposed to get to 108 degrees today - ouch)! So, if I am to get back on to my "band wagon" I had better get it is started NOW! My son has already asked if we can go on a bike ride. It's 8am. What did I say? In a minute. Well, in a minute means it will then be too hot. So, hot or not - we will be going on a bike ride. I said we would and I'm sticking to my word! There's nothing like having a seven year old be your inspiration to keep moving. I think he's good for me! :-)

So, back to the last post, I did make it to Six Flags and I fit - with more than enough room. The only problem is that I didn't have the padding so the rides kind of hurt this time. I'll take the hurt and the less padding as a fair exchange! Had a blast, but didn't get any pictures. I'll have to take care of that soon! :-)

It's strange, now that I think of it. I still have the "I don't like pictures" mentality. This doesn't make much sense because when I see a recent picture I think "Wow, that's a pretty good photo". You would think I'd want to be in all of the pictures. I guess these things take time. I will focus on getting in more. I guess it goes to show that old habits die hard.

I'm inspired. I'm positive. Today is a new day, starting a new week. It's going to be a good one, because I am going to make it a good one! I hope we are all able to find inspiration today. It's a beautiful day - no matter where we are - because we're in it!

That chick is trying to kill me!

So, I was off to such a great start yesterday. I was positive, motivated, and ready to rock. I had committed to exercise for at least 30 minutes and so I wanted to be creative about what I was going to do. I decided to scroll through the "On Demand" feature with our new cable company (thank you Comcast). There were some very interesting options. One claimed to be as good as a tummy tuck (may try that someday) another was called "Cardioke", sounds crazy but it was intriguing, but I decided to settle on Jillian Michaels "Quick trouble zones". Maybe it would be better called, "A quick way to kill me"? I can't imagine what this "shred" that people are talking about would do!

Ok, Ok, lets be honest, I did the work out and I felt good - once it was over. Sure, it HURT, and I had to stop a time or two because I couldn't go any further (surrender pose? Let's be real)! But it felt good and productive, until today. Can we say "OUCH"? Yep. In fact, I can't tell if my stomach hurts because I have a flu bug, or if it's just that my belly has been worked. Guess this means I need to do more of this, huh? Do we think this could've sparked the dreaded insomnia of last night??

Since I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive, I'll list some good things that happened. I'm on chapter 5 in my new book (Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth). She's saying some things that I know are true, I just haven't figured out how to fix them. This book is not geared toward the C & P types, but she is talking about all of (or a whole lot of) the things I deal with from a psychological perspective. I can't wait to get to the point where I'm introduced to ways to deal with this. I sure hope it comes. I'll keep you posted.

I did eat much, much healthier yesterday. I had yummy veggies, chicken, and salads all day. I also drank lots of water! It was great, and it felt good. And no kettle corn yesterday - that was a real feat! Woo Hoo!

All in all, things are well. I'm excited about it being Friday. I'll be much more excited if I get a nap in!

I hope all is well and I hope you're all experiencing the BEST Friday ever! Happy weekend!

I'll get by with a little help from my friends . . .

Thank you Laurie & Jil for your encouragement! We CAN do this! It's really fun to know that I've got the support even if you are hundreds of miles away. Are there any teaching jobs in Texas?? ;-)

So, I must say that I felt successful yesterday. As soon as I posted, I knew I had to do what I could to make it! Let's be honest, the goals weren't difficult, just something that needed to be done. Had I not posted, I may have just let them slip by. I'm SO glad I didn't let that happen!

So, my accomplishments yesterday included:

• 2.5 mile walk, in the sun, beautiful day - if felt great
• yummy salad for lunch, chicken breast for dinner (all low carbs)
• positive attitude (the walk did help)
• read 1/2 a chapter in the book - once the family was around it was hard to stay focused
• Water, Water, Water!
• Reporting my success (ok, that's happening today, but I was ready yesterday)

So, today, I'm focused and ready to keep this up. Here are the goals for today:

• complete a 30 minute (at least) workout - no matter if it's a video, jog, bike ride, etc. Just 30 minutes of activity.
• Finish the chapter in the book.
• Stay positive and focused (Laurie's Thursday 13 started that off on the right note) :-)
• Healthy eating and plenty of protein
• WATER & MORE WATER

Sure, these are like mini-goals, but it's funny how important they can be. So, as I get these goals mastered, I'll start to focus on bigger and better things. For right now, it's about getting back to the basics.

There are so many other things that I feel like I would like to get off my chest, but I'm just not sure where or how to start. I figure if I can get myself back into the swing of things, I'll be able to sort out my feelings, questions, frustrations, etc., and get to the bottom of the craziness that I know and face.

Looking forward to reading many successes!

The truth will set you free!

If it's true that the "truth" will set you free, I imagine I'm in the need of a few confessions! Sure, it's not fun to admit, but it's something I must come to terms with. We'll call it therapy! So, get ready, the unloading begins now!

My first confession . . . I'm not exercising. I would like to say that I'm not exercising like I should be, but that would imply that I'm doing some sort of exercising at all. Sure, I could count doing dishes or folding laundry, but lets be honest, is that really exercise? No. It's necessity. I don't even walk my son to school anymore. Yes, for many months I've been way too busy (in my head) to exercise and that was a great excuse for a while. Not anymore. I'm on summer vacation. There is NO excuse for me (even though I still tend to create them).

Let's be honest, I love exercise - when it's a regular part of my life. When I've allowed my laziness to set in and become sedentary, it's really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I KNOW I feel better when I exercise, I know that things are easier to manage (like eating and sleeping) when I'm in the habit, it's just getting back into the habit that's creating a challenge.

Confession #2 - I'm not eating as well as I should be. I've been home and I love to play in the kitchen. This makes for a little bit of a struggle because I will eat the things I create. Sure, I'm still controlled in my portions, but I haven't been controlling my intake. I need to focus my energy to getting back to the program! I eat crap and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don't like that. I need to get back to the basics of my personal plan and get back to the feeling of greatness.

Confession # 3 - I've gained about 13 pounds in this last semester and this is NOT acceptable! My clothes are getting tight, my body is starting to protrude, my self esteem is starting to falter a bit. Sure, if I had kept to my end of the bargain and been exercising, eating better, and focusing on me, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, in an effort to set myself free - I'm sharing.

Confession # 4 - Finally, a positive confession - I am taking my vitamins, getting my protein in, drinking my water, and keeping myself real. I have weaknesses and I'm trying to work on them, but recognizing that I'm still doing what I need to in order to be healthier than I was two years ago is a big plus in my book.

I am not confessing in an attempt to get attention or to get people to realize that I've screwed up or even to brutalize myself, but I'm stating these things as a point of accountability. I know that I'm not doing everything I should be and I need to get this out in the open so that I can make changes and get the results I want. I want the motivation! I want the success! I want to know that I've got it!!! So, this is my therapy! I figure, if I post it and think that people will ask me about my progress and encourage me to do the right thing, than I will be stupid if I don't hold up my end of the bargain. So, whether it gets read or not, I am holding myself accountable!

So, to start myself off into positive changes, I've made goals for myself! These goals are as follows:

Today I will . . .

• Go for a walk. It may be warm outside, but it'll be great to get out!
• Make healthier meal choices by cutting out carbs (chips & Kettle corn) and putting in great lean proteins and veggies
• Stop snacking and start asking questions like, "Do I really need to eat or am I just bored?"
• Be positive! Know that I am 100% better physically, emotionally and mentally than I was two years ago
• Read at least one more chapter in the book recommended by the psychologist at my surgeons office. (The book is called "Women, Food, and God" - anyone read it?)
• Get ready to report my successes tomorrow!

The honeymoon is officially over and the rest is up to me!!!

Shake, Shake, Shake!

Oh yes! I can happily admit that I have become a shaker! Since my 1-year appointment with my surgeon, I've been trying to figure out how to get more protein in my life. All of my labs were good, except for my protein. That meant that I either wasn't absorbing enough, or just not getting enough. So, about two weeks ago, I decided to push myself to actually drink a yummy protein shake every day. With my protein power and a cup of soy milk, I can have a daily shake for a good 30 - 45 grams of protein. In addition to my consumption, that's a pretty good number. I'm probably, now, taking in about 70 - 80 grams a day. This is a good thing.

So, as I was shaking away, I realized that I've been successful! I didn't even realize how successful (at getting more protein) I was until today. That's when I realized I've used a WHOLE gallon of soy milk at work! That means, I've stuck to this! Time to pat myself on the back! Finally! I'm doing something right! Maybe that is what's helping the scale along? Who knows?

I've got to be honest. I wouldn't be so successful if I didn't enjoy these shakes. This is TRULY the best protein powder I've ever had. I'm trying the strawberry for the very first time today. It's quite tasty!!! SEI Pharmaceuticals ROCKS!!!! Thanks EGGFACE for the tip!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Now that's peculiar . . .

The scale actually moved!!!! Nope. I'm not kidding. Would I kid about something that has been stressing me out? Ok, I would, but I'm not!

I had to do a ton of shopping this weekend (which I HATE) in order to prepare for our Cruise (we leave tomorrow after work) and it was horrible! Of course, I had to try to find a bathing suit and shorts because I didn't have any. Well, everything I tried on was tight, didn't fit right, revealed too much, all of that good stuff that's associated with my fear and loathing of shopping! So, with that experience in the back of my mind, there was NO WAY that I expected the scale to move. But it did - and I was EXCITED! Sure, there was a mad rush of disbelief, but that passed while in the shower and trying to convince myself that the scale doesn't lie.

So, maybe there was some truth in my theory about the carbs? I went from eating 60 % of my daily totals in carbohydrate to 40%ish on a daily basis. Could that have done it? I'm guessing it had a hand in this! The lower carb intake coupled with the drinking of more water and Micah kicking my butt . . . now I think we're getting somewhere! Finally!

Now, I'm scared to say that I'm really nervous about the cruise. It's a MUCH NEEDED vacation, but people go on these things to eat 24 hours a day! I cannot do this. Nor do I want to do this. I'm certain that this will be a good test of my will. I think I'm ready for it. I'm just nervous. This too shall pass. Maybe I'll be one of the crazy people that LOSES weight on a cruise? Wouldn't that be great?

So, I'm in for a very busy week, but excited about where it's going!

Still holding . . .

Yes siree! I'm still hanging out at 178. Could this be the "new" me? Maybe. But, again, I'm not ready to give up yet! I've got time. I'm still 2 months away from my "surgiversary". But at the same time, I'm only 2 MONTHS away from my "surgiversary! I wanted to have lost at least 100 lbs by that date, but I'm not sure that is what my body really wants. I'm sure I'll fight, kick, and scream about it, but if this is where I am meant to end up/stay - it most CERTAINLY beats where I was a year ago!!!!

I get to meet up with Micah tonight. We missed our session last week because I was sick/lazy. But I think I'm ready for him. In fact, I visited the gym last night and pushed myself just to make sure I could! And my little muffin (son) was so glad we made it!

I did well with cutting the carbs yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do perfect, but we're taking baby steps - right? I consumed a mere (sarcasm) 40% of my intake from carbs! That's almost a 20% reduction! Woo hoo! I am still SHOCKED to find that I am eating nearly 1200 calories a day. Sure, I don't feel hunger, but is that really necessary? These are the things that will be modified in my next "investigation" of the dietary habits!

So, this week is off to a good start. I'm excited about making changes. I'm really excited about seeing how the changes change everything.

And we're back . . .

At least I hope so!

Last week was a rough week. Not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and even dietarily (don't know if that's a real word or not, but I don't mind). So, this week, we're looking for some changes.

Last week, I decided to take the week off of exercise because I wasn't feeling well and I was afraid that if I didn't rest that I would get more sick. Well, I think that was me telling myself to take a break because I wanted to be lazy. Of course, in retrospect, I think taking the week off was a horrible idea. I didn't get any worse, but I'm sure I could've pushed through and maybe even got better more quickly if I had "sweated" it all out? I don't know. But I need to be more aware of my "self-sabotage" and when it's trying to creep in. The really sad part is that I robbed my son of his social/activity hour and he really missed it. I will think twice before I allow us both the sacrifice for a little "rest" or laziness!

I also decided to follow in the foot-steps of a few of my cyber friends and track my daily intake. I picked www.fitday.com to be the current log of my calories/intake. This site will provide me with a pie chart of percentages of types of food. This is where the lovely little site brought me a little slap in the face. I have been consuming 60-65% of my calorie intake in carbs!!!!! This is not acceptable! Especially since I KNOW that I wasn't working them off last week. So, I'm glad that I kept track of this because now I know that I've been lying to myself (or at least not being completely honest) and this could be the reason that I'm not making the progress I want to. So, this week, I get to focus on getting those ugly, evil, yucky carbs out of my diet and hopefully see if that makes any changes.

I feel good about this week. I feel good about making progress and I feel good about making changes that will allow me to be healthier. I have the power to do this. I have the desire to be healthy. I just need to remember that the carbs and lack of exercise were major contributors to the reason I was where I was. I also have to remember how desperate I am and have been to get out of that place. The "new" Heather has to have a "new" plan!

Here's to a great week of success and realizations!

A dumping we will go!

Yep! It's so true! I had my first "real" experience with the dumping syndrome last night. The crazy thing is that it's one of those "delayed reaction time" dumping syndrome deals (which tend to happen with sugar and fruit sugar products - so they say) and I was NOT expecting it. Had I known that this is what it was like, I wouldn't have tried so many things to "test" the actual tolerance of my system. Now, I know what it's like and I'm pretty sure I'll be keeping a good distance from the pumpkin empanadas (at least for now).

I'm not positive that this was the food that caused this horrible experience. Nor am I certain that it was the treat itself. It very well could've been that I had too much of this treat, and had I stopped with the first half, it wouldn't have happened at all. But then, I wouldn't have this oh, so, wonderful experience to look back on and KNOW that I never want to have this again!

So, I'm back to a world of healthful diligence. I spent pretty much the entire weekend being exhausted, sore, head achy, and grouchy (just ask my family). I'm pretty sure that was due to the over working out (Thanks a lot Micah) and the not eating the way that I should. So, let's bring it all back to the land of what I'm supposed to be doing and following through with what I know will work for me as opposed to trying it out because it MAY not have an effect on me.

I think I may need to do a little tweaking or toning down of the workout. I think it's possible that I'm just pushing too hard in order to see results more quickly. Unfortunately, this is leading to pain and discomfort. In all reality, every little bit of movement is going to help. I don't have to kill myself just to see the scales change. So, I will take it a little easier with the weights as to prevent the injury. I will continue with the cardio - because it feels good. But I don't have to climb the highest incline at the highest speed. I'm toning that down a notch too. Just for a little while, until I can get better with my nutrition (protein & water intake).

So, I'm focused. I'm motivated. I'm feeling better and working at never having to feel that again. YEAH!!!!