An award, I'm honored!

Thank you Laurie for appreciating my ramblings. Who knew it was award worthy?

So, the rules are (if I understand them correctly) that I am to list seven things you may not know about me. Hey, I may find something else about me in the process too.

Here we go . . .

1. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology. So it's true, crazy people can get enjoyment out of learning about other crazy people. This should come in handy with my new career choice.
2. I get insomnia every Sunday night. I don't know why, it makes no sense, but it happens. This is all since WLS. I know that I'm not the only one who experiences this side effect, but I know that I don't like it. I need my sleep!
3. I have a fear of missing out. I get sad when people get together and have fun when I can't be around. I don't think I'm jealous, I just really like hanging out with people and wish I could do it more often.
4. I am a single women who hates to date. I wish the "right" guy - that's a ton of fun to be with - would just drop in my lap (so to speak) so I don't have to date. I hate the awkward meetings/conversations and I really don't like having to disappoint someone when I don't want to continue with the meeting.
5. I (we) haven't seen or heard from my son's father (aka - the biological) since before the little muffin turned one. Sometimes this makes me sad because he doesn't have a "Dad" like the other kids do, but I know it's the best thing for him, I just don't know how to explain it all to him so that he'll understand it. He's the light of my life and I can't imagine him thinking that he wasn't wanted. It just kills me. Someday it'll all make sense.
6. I cannot eat fruit (or much of it) since WLS. I didn't think it would bother me that much, but it kind of does. Sometimes I just want a nice ripe peach, or a few strawberries. Sure, I can do it, but it's not going to feel good for a while.
7. I LOVE that I don't drink or crave sodas anymore. I thought it would be difficult, but it's really not that bad. I don't even think twice about tasting them anymore. Now that's a good thing!

I thought this would be difficult, but surprisingly, this came quite easy today. I'm sure I could've listed more. That's not always the case.

So, on to the hard part. Now I get to "tag" 5 of my favorite bloggers to receive the award. Since Laurie listed a couple/few of my favs already, I get to list a couple of new ones - YIPEE!

And the award goes to . . .

Janine at Journey to a Mini Me

Jil at Shut Your Piehole

I said so at For Real, This Time

Kim at Faith, Grace & Giggles

Sheila at Stranger Than Fiction and More Fun too

Honestly, this part was more difficult than coming up with facts. I'm not sure who reads this blog. So, if you're out there and I don't know it, please drop a line and say "Hi". I'd love to hear from you!

At least I get one photographic memory . . .

So, I finally scanned in a photo (or two) from the professional photographers (yes, very cheesy photos) on the cruise. Between my mother and I, we purchased about 5 of them. Some good, some, not so good. I cropped one and now will be using this as my "head shot" or profile pic. It's a little cheesy, but fun!

I'm in good spirits today! This is good news! I even had another exhausting weekend - acting like a teenager and staying out until 3am! But it was great! The weather is great and it makes me want to be in a better mood - regardless of the sleep I'm lacking! :-)

Now, the trainer is out to get me. Micah caught me cheating myself of the gym. He called me last night to remind me that I haven't seen him in a while and he thinks we should get together again tomorrow. I told him I'm ready! So, back the to gym we go! YIPEE!!! I'm actually ready for it. I need my energy back!!!

So, now a report on the date. It actually went well. I must admit it was the best first date I think I may have ever had. Now, I'm not saying that it's going anywhere - but it could, I guess. It was great and I now have a little bit of a better attitude about dating - I think. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't uncomfortable, it wasn't boring. We had a great time and I'd really look forward to going out again! But, because I'm the old-fashioned type, this poor boy is going to have to put in the work (at least up front)!

I just wanted to share a quick post for this crazy Monday. I hope all is well and I look forward to the weekly reports from all of you!!!!

May I have your attention, please?

So, I mentioned in my post yesterday that I had learned a few things about myself. One of the more major things that I learned about myself is how I've always seemed to avoid attention - necessary attention or not. I was always the "chubby" girl so I didn't get a whole lot of attention from a lot of people - especially of the male persuasion - and I was ok with this. I probably used that layer of excess to hide myself from having to be noticed and approached. That was also how I justified not getting the attention - the idea that "I'm fat, nobody will be interested in me". Yep, that's exactly what I did.

Well, this past weekend forced me to realize that I am now getting more attention than I'm used to and I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't have as much of the "protective" layer anymore and so I can't use it as my excuse to run and hide or convince people that they shouldn't be interested in me. Now, I have to face it. But how? How can we not be the "chubby" girl, when that's all we know? How can we believe that what the other person is seeing isn't necessarily what we see (or think we see)?

This past weekend I was approached by a few gentlemen (at various times). They were, clearly, trying to flirt but I diverted them to "the cute girls at the end of the bar". And yes, I did use those exact words. It's not that I don't believe that I'm cute or worth being flirted with, I just don't believe that they would want to be flirting with me. So, I sent them on.

Then, one persistent (and quite cute) fellow kept trying. And because he was NOT giving up, I allowed myself to flirt back. That, in turn, brought on vulnerability because he was "cute" and he liked me. This is something that I'm completely not used to. The problem was, that I wanted more interaction/flirting/attention. Yet, I knew that this little flirting session wasn't going to go anywhere because 1) we were on a cruise ship 2) he was not from the USA 3) I don't know that I believed what he was saying about me. But maybe that was because I didn't believe it myself? I'm not gonna lie, it was sure fun getting the attention. And, it made me want to spend all sorts of time with him so that he would keep telling me things and I might even have started to believe it. Of course, that didn't happen - I barely saw him after that evening, but it was still fun.

This brought me to a few questions and struggles in my current (not as chubby) world. How do I prevent myself from being vulnerable and possibly "settle" just because I may be getting extra attention? I'm still the same person as I was 96 pounds ago, why do I let my guard down so much more quickly than I did when I did have the protective layer? How do I know when someone is being genuine about wanting to "get to know me"? How do I know that these guys really are interested? How can I stop feeling so insecure about meeting people and dating relationships? Just because I have been unsuccessful in the past, doesn't mean that there's no success for my relationships of the future. Right?

I know that this is a big rambling session. I know that I need to find the answers to these questions for myself. I just needed an outlet and/or a sounding board so that I can really be open and aware of the struggles and insecurities I face. Maybe just getting it off my chest will open new ideas and avenues so that I can answer these questions?

Talk about laying it all out there! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to throw a pitty party or anything, I just need to sort out the true thoughts in my head so I can get the negativity out of it and bring in some positive thoughts and directions. I felt it necessary and I actually feel better just having vented a bit. Now, I guess I have some questions to answer! My therapist is going to love this one! :-)

Maybe I'm crazy?

No really, that must be the explanation to my most recent trials.

First, I've ventured into the online dating scene. I hate dating. I do, I do. And, sadly, it's not getting any better. Where is that perfect guy? Not "THE" perfect guy, so much, but the "perfect guy for me"? I'm looking and so far, I think he must hate dating as much as I do because he's not come out of hiding yet.

So, I'm doing the online dating thing. For those of you who are not familiar with the way this works, you typically get guided (through various ways) along the lines of communication. Email, questions, short answers, etc. But, you have to express interest first. Most of the time I'll express interest just because you never know who's out there until you really meet them, right? Well, not all of them express interest back. And those that do, basically drop off after the first round of questions. This leads me to my most current question. What in the world am I doing that turns people off before the first meeting (and sometimes before the first real email)? Sure, it's probably best that they weed themselves out because I'm not sure I could handle 10 dates a weekend, but what if one of those was a "good catch"? Then they just swim off down stream without even a chance to meet me. What a shame.

I actually do think it's a little comical, to be completely honest. I am so not into finding the "soul mate" or looking for someone to "complete me", but I'm looking for fun, easy going, exciting people to have a friends and if more blossoms, then great. But if not, then we still can be friends - right? Besides, I don't need a mate to complete ME as a person, but I'd like to have someone to share ME with and I'd share HIM as well. Well, I think I'm quite possibly the only one who thinks that way. A lot of these men are looking for that "soul mate" and if the chemistry isn't there or if I'm not giving them the vibe that I'm going to marry them next week - they like to move on. It's interesting.

What a journey. It's a crazy life, but someone has to live it. And I just had to get that off my chest so you get to read about it and be a part of the craziness too!

How's that for a Valentine's Day story?? :-)
Lots of love to you on this Pre V-day Friday!

The land of frogs and Princes

That's right! I'm talking about dating, again!

I got a call from a friend of mine the other night and he let me know he's ventured into the land of online dating. Is it really a bad place? Maybe. Anyway, it got me thinking about my current situation, including my whole dis-like for the dating world. He chose to go with a different online company than I did, and I thought maybe I should explore more options as well. So, yesterday, I did just that. I checked out the site - http://www.chemistry.com/. Fortunately for me, they were offering a "free" trial period. I have already been matched up with around 10 people. Sure, most of them won't stick, but some actually appear appealing. Apparently this is a division of Match.com but they have some scientific/personality way of matching people up. We'll see how well this works for us.

Anyway, this whole thing brought on a new question. What is your body type? What is any body's body type. I know that in the past I've never wanted to share this, but in an effort to be honest, I always picked the "more to love" option (could be more than a 5 year old, could be more than a sumo wrestler - beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?). I hate the idea of "big and beautiful" because when I'm big - I'm not beautiful to me so I can't imagine I'd be beautiful to anyone else either (yes, self-image issues are all over the place with me). Now, I'm nearly 90 pounds less than my former self and I still don't know what my body type would be. We are given options like; "average", "stocky", "full-figured", "athletic", "curvy", "a few extra pounds" and a couple of others. My question is . . . according to whom? Is this based on my idea of average? Is it based on what really is average? What is a "few extra pounds"? Would that be the 20 that I have left over or are we talking 10 extra or 50 extra? Couldn't someone be athletic and still be over 200lbs? Would that give the wrong message to someone else even if it were true? These types/titles seem so ambiguous that I'm not sure anyone would be able to answer these correctly. Does it really matter? So, how do you weed out the superficial blokes and get to the bottom of compatibility/companionship/someone to have a good time with? Am I just disliking this because I've been faced with this problem all of my life and I'm trying to find another excuse to fail in the dating world?

I'm feeling better about myself and about my health. I'm ready to get out and meet people, have a good time, and experience the life I've been hiding from. Maybe I'm going about this dating/socializing thing all wrong. What would you do?

Is it really happening?

I think I'm losing a bit of motivation. Maybe I'm just tired? Things haven't been going "my" way completely and I just don't like that. A lot of things have suffered since I've been experiencing this exhaustion and I've just let them slip. This is probably something that's not helping my emotional health either. I haven't been on the Wii Fit (except to weigh and do a body test once a week) in way too long. I miss it. But I don't want to get up in the mornings and I don't want to do much after work, but I have to get my booty in shape. What in the world is stopping me? I have an elliptical trainer in the garage that doesn't hate me anymore (thanks to my shedding of 86 lbs), but I'm not getting on that either. It's a new year. It's supposed to be a good year. Why is it starting off so darn tough?

So, what am I going to do about it? I'm going to make a change! I'm going to start doing things even though I don't want to so that I will want to soon (knowing that I feel so much better when I'm doing them). I think this will also help me to keep my self in check and focused. Because I haven't been exercising, I've had more time to obsess about things. That is NEVER a good thing. So, with the extra time and effort I'll put into the exercise, the less time I'll have to obsess. That has to be a good thing, right?

So, the Wii Fit and I will begin dating again. I miss the poor little trainer and I'm certain that the trainer misses me - right? Hey, I may even start dating the elliptical machine again too (boy, do I get around). That greasy hunk of metal gets my heart pounding and my sweat flowing every time. Sure, it's not always going to do for me (I need some knee-knocking too), but I'll take what I can get until my warm and cuddly exercise partner comes around/along!

I'm ready to focus more. I'm ready to obsess less. And I'm ready to look and feel great! Wii can do this! :-)

What a weekend!

I had anticipated this past weekend for a while and boy was it worth it.

So, my company had our Christmas party this past weekend and it was a huge success. I was incredibly busy with all of the preparations, shopping, wrapping, etc. that I wasn't able to blog much in the last week or two, but now that's all over and it was a hit. I had a blast and I felt great!

I was able to go in and get a new hair cut/color in preparation for the event. I had a new dress. I felt good and I, personally, think I looked pretty good also. Not to mention that my friend from Orange County came all the way up here to be my date! He was a fabulous date! In fact, spending all of the time with him this weekend made me really miss him and miss having him around. We've known each other for 10 years! I need to spend more time with Dan! Spending time with Dan also helped me to realize what I'm looking for in a dating relationship. If I don't find dates with similar personalities as these friends that I cherish, the dating is not going to go very far.

So, one of the funniest instances of the weekend was the "realization" that people had that something was different about me. The funniest thing was that they all thought I looked different because of the new hair do! Not everyone around me has been privy to the "WLS" details. Some have noticed that I'm losing weight, some haven't noticed anything at all. If I had a dollar for every person that said, "There's something different about you - Oh, you changed your hair" - I would be a much wealthier person (ok, maybe by like $25, but that's something, right?)! It was great!

I've got some more excitement happening. I get to spend time in Orange County this weekend catching up with friends and I'm super, duper excited about it! My friend Craig, from Florida, (whom I haven't seen in over 6 years) will be in town. I've already warned him that I have huge expectations. I can't wait to get a big, giant hug from him.

I will say, with the exception of some financial turmoil, things are going pretty well for me right now. I'm excited about the holidays. I'm exciting about seeing and visiting with friends and family. And I'm most especially excited about the new me. I feel better, I look better, I have more energy, and I can't wait to experience what's ahead! Things are going well and I'm excited to live the life I should be living! Now, if I could just get back onto the "exercise band wagon" I'd be set!

On the third day of Christmas . . .

Oh wait! It's just the third day of December! :-)

Well, if I were singing the song, today's verse would say that my true love gave me nothing but heartache. Am I being dramatic or what?

Today has been an interesting day. I guess that's to top off my interesting week? Maybe I'm back to secreting all of those ridiculous hormones into my system from all of this weight loss? Maybe I'm being a little bit dramatic again, but I've got to have something to explain it all away, right?

So, I went to my very first WLS support group meeting last night. The meeting itself was good/bad and fortunately not so ugly! It started off with the "founding" surgeon of this practice giving us a medical look at what goes on long term regarding weight loss/gain, appetite, and what happens when you try to eat too much (creating a second stomach and all). It was great to talk in such an open forum and get the real "meat" of what happens. I loved that. I also liked sharing ideas and getting to boast about my experience with the Wii Fit. I swear I should work for Nintendo! Anyway, that was great. I must admit, it was absolutely crazy to hear that someone (one of the 3 year post ops) thought I was at goal. She had no idea that I was only 6 months out of surgery. WHAT? Are you serious? I am barely out of the 200s and I still have 35 + pounds to lose. What was she thinking? She has to see that I'm still packing extra weight. Especially since she's so much smaller than I am. Sure, it made me kind of smile, but I just don't see it. Am I kidding myself? Is this really happening?

The part I wasn't so excited about was the organization. It didn't seem like there was a plan. We didn't have specific topics to talk about. We did go over exercises and techniques (which were great and very helpful) but other than that, it was just a bit of chatting. Maybe the next one will be better? It was a pretty long drive for a week night to just get in a bit of chatting. But, I won't discount it until I try again (at least ONE more time). Plus, the next time, the psychologist is supposed to be there. THAT is exciting to me.

The other funk has to do with this whole dating thing. I really don't know where to stand on the dating issue. I'm an "old-fashioned" type of girl. I guess I expect the gentlemen to be gentlemen. I expect to be the one receiving phone calls, being asked out with plans being made and all of that mumbo jumbo. Does that even happen anymore? Maybe I'm just out-dated? Maybe the "good 'ol boys" don't exist anymore? And then when I thought I had the interest of one (and I was/am interested too) all communication stops. I was told I'd get a call on Monday, but didn't. Now it's Wednesday and I feel forgotten. Sure, I could pick up the phone and call too, but am I committed enough to "chase"??? Wow! Who knew I'd be struggling so much with the whole idea of dating? If I didn't like it before, I really don't like it now!

I hate that this whole post has been so negative. Not EVERYTHING in my world is negative. That's just what I've focused on today. I will be positive that things will get better. Sometimes, I just need to vent. Maybe it's all because I missed my current Favorite show? I'll watch my DVR'd Biggest Loser tonight and all will be better!

My very first December weigh in day!

It's true, it's true, I haven't posted in a whole week!!! There's been a lot going on in the last week with Thanksgiving and all. So, I decided to catch everyone up (everyone that reads, that is).

First things first - I was down another 2 pounds this week. That's with a big, fat, holiday in there! Ok, Ok, I kind of cheated. My family and I went to Disneyland for the weekend. So, we were NOT sitting around eating turkey, watching football, and stuffing our faces until we passed out. No, No, we were walking and standing and playing at the D-Land and it was great! We had a wonderful time!!!! I think we took about 300 pictures (That was just my camera - Sheila, how many do you have?), it was great! I'll change my album at some point today!

Next thing to catch up on . . . dating. Yep, it's true. I've been dating. And my feelings still stand - I HATE DATING!!!! It's so awkward. It's uncomfortable and you have to be very careful. Not to mention the roller coasters that accompany dating. You know all the questions, right? "Do they like me?", "Do I like them?", "Does everyone have something I'll complain about?", "Why didn't they call when they said they would?", "Why do they all expect me to call them?". I'm beginning to think that there's no chance for me. One guy looks/acts too old, one guy is a grandfather (and I still haven't given up the thought of more kids), one guy is still not over his ex, one guy has a problem with the town I work in, one guy works in the "Adult Entertainment" field, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. What in the world? What happened to all of the old fashioned people and dates? Am I just looking for reasons not to like them? Maybe Craig is right. Maybe I should be in the Mid-West? Is it really worth "up-rooting"? Maybe. Where's the man of my dreams when I really need him? That boy better come quickly before I give up all together!

Now . . . for an update. I'm going to my very first WLS support group meeting tonight! I'm actually super excited about it. I'm not quite so super excited about the possibility of driving in the fog, but I'll get past that for what I'm planning to be and thinking will be a great time. Let's hope that it's all I want and more. If nothing else, it'll be fun hearing and sharing experiences. I'm really looking forward to it.

So, now it comes down to this. I have about a week and a half to lose 2 lbs (a goal to be 190 by my Company's Christmas party). I have to keep myself up and active. The 10 miles a day at the Disneyland really kicked my butt - I need to keep that up! I need to watch my eating and my portions. Yes, Yes, these things are the usual, but I have to keep reminding myself how important they really are! I am excited about the continuing changes and progress. I can't wait to see where this journey is taking me (hopefully away from the dating pool at some point).

The last weigh in day of November!

Yep, it's true. November is almost over. The next weigh in will be in December! Can you believe it?

Well, I must be honest, I was a little concerned about how it was all going to "pan out" for me on the scale today, but I was pleasantly surprised. See, I had a date last night and we went to the Olive Garden. Sure, I didn't eat much, but probably didn't make the best choices either. I thought that rich food was going to show up on the scale. What do I know, maybe it did? Maybe I was supposed to lose 5 pounds instead? But I didn't! I lost 3! YIPEE!!! Trust me, the way my scale has been treating me, that 3 was a jump for joy! YEE Haw!!!! So, according to my records, I have lost exactly 75 lbs as of today. What an accomplishment!!!!!! I'm super excited and can't wait for more!! Maybe I'll make my goal of being 190 by my company's Christmas party (2 1/2 weeks)??? We'll just have to see, won't we??

So, it's true, I had a date last night. I must say, it went pretty well. I may even break the streak of being the "one date wonder". Typically, I go on one date and either I figure out how to not like them, or they figure out how to not like me. It's not that difficult really. But this guy is nice. He even pays attention to the things that I say and follows suit (who does that anymore?). I'm impressed. Sure, it took me little while to warm up, but I agreed to see him again. I look forward to seeing what is in store for me on the dating roller coaster.

Thank you all for sharing in this excitement with me. I look forward to many more good days!

Monday, Monday . . .

We're back at it again. The week begins, we go back to work tired and not as rested as we should be after a full 2 days off. But alas, we're back. The good thing about this week is . . . it ends (for work) on Wednesday!!! I can't tell you how happy and excited I am about having a 4 day weekend. Of course, I will probably STILL not get enough rest and I will have the same tired, worn out feeling next Monday morning. Yet, hopefully, I will not have the insomnia problem.

It's true, the insomnia has been back at it again. This time, I just can't catch up. I can't believe that I didn't even talk to my surgeon about it when I saw him last week. What was I thinking?

Anyway, the weekend was good, back and ugly all at the same time. The good was that I got to catch up with several friends whether by phone, email or actually seeing them in person. That was a good thing. I also scored a date to my company's Christmas party at the same time. And I'm so excited! Sure, my date is a friend of mine and it will be a purely platonic evening, but I'm super excited none the less!

The bad was having to say goodbye to a family friend. Sure, I wasn't super close to him, but he definitely had an impact in my life and he will be dearly missed!

The ugly was having to brave the stores in the midst of several other crazy shoppers. Since when does the craziness start so soon. It ended up being a good time because I was with a good friend of mine. That made it all the better!

So, all in all, the weekend was pretty good. I just wish I would've been able to sleep more! Next weekend?

It's a small world after all . . . .

And I'm not joking about this one!

Ready for a funny story?

So, I believe that I've shared with many of you that I have "bitten the bullet" and have signed up with eHarmony.com to get myself into a more social atmosphere. Of course, I'm still not sure if this is a good idea because I'm incredibly skeptical of the people that are on there or even out there (thanks to the last date that I had). Yet, I'm wanting to get into the "scene" and get my "feelers" out there (as my sister has suggested) so there I find myself.

So, I've had one face to face meeting with an eHarmony-er and I won't be going out with that one again (if I have anything to say about it). Now, I've been emailing with a couple of others and thinking that we may be close to a face to face meeting as well. One of these individuals and I started sharing information over email. Of course, on email, he seems great. He's apparently intelligent, witty, humorous, adventurous, and hopefully many other things. So, things were going well and then I asked if he has lived in Fresno (the Valley) all his life. Well, as it turns out, he grew up in the small, itty-bitty town that I work in! WHAT?

Yes, I work in a very small town. The population is 20,000 people, but 12,000 of those people are prison inmates! So, with a small town, you get small town people and small town talk (Just a little background). Anyway, I thought this was incredibly funny. At this point, I don't think this gentleman shares my humor. I think he may be feeling a little bit insecure. But let's be honest, I'm not going to go around asking about it. I just think it's hysterical.

Of course, I don't know that we will ever meet face to face (especially now). I don't know that this will go anywhere. I just find it amusing that in such a big world we can have something so common between two people. It may be too much for him to bear, but I think it's absolutely hysterical!

So, now, of course, I wonder what it is he doesn't want me to know? Hmmmmm. Did someone say challenge?

Here's to Mr. Corcoran!!

It's been crazy!

Yes, yes, that is my excuse this time. I can't believe I haven't had any time to keep my blog updated in the last week. It's been crazy! And I'm not just saying that! I had to prepare for my company's 10th Anniversary party, then a Safety BBQ, and then my first "eHarmony" date. It's been nuts!

I will say, the parties went swimmingly! They were both great. A lot of work, but it all paid off. I think everyone had a great time and I was glad to have a part in both of those events. The date, not so much. I find myself questioning if my standards are too high or if I have incorrect expectations in the whole "dating" way of life. I know exactly what I want (or I think I want) in my head, but is he really out there? Do I just keep going through the "frogs" until I find the right one? I may think I have found the "0ne" but will I ever really know? It's such a strange process that we have to go through. What happened to the days when you had so many friends that their friends would come around and you'd be interested? Or the days when you run into someone at a party/social event/gathering and the two of you hit it off like you've known each other forever. Do those chance meetings really happen? Am I just too much of a romantic? There's got to be some sort of an answer. Until then, I'll keep rummaging through the frogs in search of the prince (or something of that nature).

I got on the Wii Fit today and I couldn't believe that I hadn't had a meeting with that partner either in 5 days!!! Where has my world gone in the last week? Well, I'm happy to say, I'm back on. Wii Fit and I will be seeing a lot more of each other, especially considering that my 6 month appointment is in just a couple of weeks! OH MY! I've got goals, remember?

ONEDERLAND

It's official!!!! I'm in onederland and I love it! Sure, it doesn't seem real, it doesn't feel that much different (from 202 last week) but it's just that I don't have to say I weigh 200 lbs or over 200lbs. I'm UNDER 200 LBS!!!! Fantastic!!!!

I do think that the Wii Fit was trying to torture me for cheating yesterday. It didn't move at all! It was at 198.9 AGAIN! And, it even said, "you haven't lost any weight since your last visit" - so, does it really have to rub it in? I think not!

I got the official word yesterday that I have been promoted! I don't know what the exact title is yet, but I'm excited that everything is starting to change.

It also looks like I may have a date this weekend. Imagine that? Do you know how long it's been since I've been on a date? Just about 2 years! I'm taking this slow. We'll see how it all pans out.

It's a big busy week. I still need to get in my exercise and I still have to be eating right! I've got a lot to focus on, especially since I've made a goal!!!! I'm in ONEDERLAND BEFORE MY DR's APPOINTMENT!!!

A wild ride . . .

It's true! Today has been quite the wild ride for me (so to speak). I've been up, down, up, down, up and back down again and it's barely 1:30!

Today started off fairly well. I'm suffering from a little back pain that started last night. I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable, but I'm just pushing through hoping that it miraculously disappears!

I am wearing a belt today. Yep. A belt. Here's what happened . . . I was trying to look for some decent/nice clothes to wear to work today because we will have visitors in the office. I hate wearing jeans or not looking nice when visitors come to the office (even though I work for a construction company and most people wear jeans with holes). So, since I wore the only pair of black pants that I had yesterday, I had to settle for jeans today. The only jeans that I thought were nice enough are size 18 - which are a little too big (bummer, eh). So, I looked in my drawers knowing that there's a belt in there somewhere - and I found it. Then, I thought to myself, "I have no idea what size this belt is or if it's even going to fit", but I tried it and it worked. Who wears belts anymore? I do! And I may just get more of them!!!!! The belt, fortunately, made the pants work and I must say, I felt pretty good about my outfit today!

On another good note, today is my sister's birthday and she is surrounded by people that are making her day feel very special. I think that's very important, especially since I know that I can be with her today to celebrate it. We'll celebrate it up on Saturday! I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm finding myself in a strange place/thought process today. I can't help but think about dating and how this is something I want to do (I think). It's strange. I don't typically occupy my time with how I can get a date or how to meet people, etc., but today, I can't get this off my mind. We even went to lunch today and at Taco bell, I was looking around and there were plenty of people that appeared to be "dating" or at the beginning of a dating relationship. There was even a guy that sat at the booth behind us and I thought, "hmmm, he seems like a nice guy (no, I have never seen this man in my life), I could date a nice guy like that. Have I gotten to a new point of desperation? It's very strange. But it's kind of fun too. I guess there's a part of me that's starting to feel better about myself and about what I want. I just question why this becoming so important to me? Do I really think I'm ready for something like that? I still have a lot of things to learn about me. Is now a good time to try to learn about someone else too? Feels like I'm venturing into uncharted territory. The sad thing still is . . . I don't even know where to begin. What's the next step? Any suggestions?

If I've gone through all of these emotions in just a few hours, what do I get to expect for the rest of the day? I'll guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

Back at it again . . .

Here's to another week! Hopefully a week full of successes. Today, I'm off to a smidge of a rocky start. On the Wii Fit this morning, I was exactly the same as I was (BMI because I don't check actual weight until tomorrow) on Friday. That was slightly disappointing because I was up on Thursday/Friday. I will chalk it up to my week FULL of exercising (last week). Let's hope it pays off soon. I did, finally, get to unlock the ADVANCED STEP AEROBICS and The Rhythm boxing! Go me!!!

I tried a new, fun, yummy, weight loss surgery friendly 5 minute chocolate cake recipe and it was pretty good. My family agreed. It was HANDS DOWN way better than the full sugar/fat version. GO EGGFACE! You've done it again. I must say, at this point, Eggface is my hero!!!! Such an inspiration.

I started to get a little bit discouraged on my way home from Fresno yesterday. I don't know exactly why, but I can tell you a little about it. I am getting to the point where I am feeling better about myself, the way I look, and how I wouldn't mind if others felt good about it also. I started to think about dating. I haven't been on an actual date in AGES (ok, almost 2 years)! The problem is that I don't even know where to start. Do I have the time? Do I have the energy? Do I have the will power? I don't know where to meet people, how to throw out availability or even if I'd be able to share my time with a new prospect/interest and my son. What do you do about situations like this?

I would love to have someone to go places with, do things with, laugh with, and have the dating experience, but where does it start? I think I am ready, but how do I really know? Do I have to go back to "kissing the frogs" and not enjoying myself to be able to get to the one that I have a blast with? It's sad to say that I'm 33 years old and I don't even know how to date! Now what? Suggestions?

I'm looking forward to a good week. I hope that I get to hear something, anything about the prospects on my new position at work - if it's going to happen or not. I am ready to not be in limbo. I'm ready to be confident about the future and about where I'm going. We'll see how it works!!!