It's Thursday? When did that happen?

So, I was sitting here realizing that I didn't get to post on my weekly weigh in day. Here I thought I was only a day behind. Then, I realized, it's THURSDAY!!!!

I'm in over my head. It's true. Work has been extremely tough and has kept me so busy I haven't been able to read blogs/keep up to date/let alone think about something that I get to post for myself. Then, in the evenings, I'm spending the time that I have packing and cleaning and moving and all that jazz.

I will say . . . I have still be able to do at LEAST 30 minutes of intentional activity for the 30 for 30 challenge. I may be cheating a little bit because a few times I've used moving and packing, but it is constant movement and I even wake up sore in the mornings. I certainly hope that life (as I currently know it) will slow down and allow me to enjoy a little more.

I DID make it on the scale this week. I don't know if it's good or bad, but the scale didn't move! It's good - because it didn't go up. It's bad - because it didn't go down either. I will not make my goal of being 100 lighter by my 1 year surgeons appointment (unless I can drop 6 lbs in 4 days), but I'm ok with that.

I found a piece of paper the other day, in my moving frenzy, and I was so blown away by this finding. The paper had a list of goals that I had written out a year ago (before surgery). I was so blown away because back then, I don't think I believed in myself. It really opened my eyes to what I truly was feeling last year (and so many times before).

Here are some things on the list:

• Be under 200 lbs
• Be able to shop in a "non" large sized store
• Be able to exercise for more than 20 minutes without feeling like I was going to die
• Be able to purchase undergarments from Victoria's Secret

The fun thing about the items on the list? I've done them all! And I'm still improving!!!!! I have been focusing on being all the way to goal, or on being done with this journey. But the reality is . . . I will NEVER be done. I will always be focused on this goal of being healthy and I will always be striving to be better and keep it off.

I may never get to what I originally thought of as a "number goal" but I have achieved so much already that it doesn't matter. I am a success and I can do all of the things that I thought were too hard (as of last year). I am grateful for the tool and the gift that I have . I am excited to be closing this first year of trials, experiments, tests, and milestones. I'm really looking forward to living as the newer, healthier version of me!

The "cop-out"

Yep! That's what I've said. I've found that I'm using the 30 for 30 challenge as a cop-out!

See, typically, I'll go to the gym about 3 - 4 days a week and I'll work out for 45 minutes to an hour with some serious cardio and then light weight training. Well, I don't go everyday, so I was thinking that if I got a little exercise in every day, that would be great and a great challenge to see if any improvements could be made. Well, the problem is that I have now found that the 30 minute videos or a 30 minute walk are a great way to get the 30 minutes in for the challenge without having to spend the 2 hours it would take me to get to the gym, work out, and get back. The problem is, I've started substituting the videos for the gym because it's so easy. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. But the videos don't give me the work out I need or want. They get me by in terms of one goal. But this doesn't get me to where I want to be in terms of the "Big Picture"!

This is no one's fault but my own. And, I didn't realize it until last night when I did go to the gym because I had an appointment with Micah (personal trainer) and he worked me to the bone! I'm shocked I made it through the session. This all made me realize, that I need to do the 30 minutes in addition to my regularly scheduled work out days! Sometimes it just takes the sky falling and knocking me out to make me realize things that I should already know!

Don't get me wrong here. I'm still following through with the challenge and I'm feeling accomplished every time I get to log my exercise for the day and see that I've done 8 days in a row (soon to be more) without fail. But I need to realize that this challenge is exactly that. A challenge! On top of what you already know and do. So, this is how I will treat my big, bad 30 for 30 challenge. No more cop-outs. No more excuses to not make it to the gym because, "I can just do a video". No more short cuts! I'm in it to win it!!!! Plus, Laurie is kicking my butt because she's still jamming at the gym, at work and STILL completing the challenge on top of it all! What an inspiration!!!

When the world is unraveling before you . . .

You figure out how to tie it back up, right?

Well, it's true! I've been going through a great deal of unraveling. Now, I'm taking this bull by the horns and going to tackle it - the best I can!

First things first . . . Weigh in day. I jumped on the scale this morning, not really knowing what to expect, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. I was up again! Oh Yes! That ugly little scale said I was at 174! That's a whole 1.5 pounds more than last week (which was up). So, there is probably a great deal of truth in the idea that stress is a key contributor to obesity! I will not take that obesity back! I will not! But I will do what I can to conquer the stress demon in my world!

Next on the agenda . . . the 30 for 30 challenge! YES SIR! I'm still in it to win it! I have successfully completed AT LEAST 30 minutes of dedicated activity for 7 days in a row! Thank goodness for the ease of the workout videos. Between the Hip Hop Abs, the Tae Bo, and Kathy Smith's exercise videos, I've been quite successful. I've also included some mini-golf and I even had my sister get her booty moving with me!!! So, we're still on it and I'm still going forward.

So, last week (the same day I agreed to do the 30 for 30 challenge) things got tough for me. I'm under a great deal of stress at work. I've got a mess of co-workers that have turned into jerks because they are unhappy with their jobs and now it's being rolled down to me. It makes for a very difficult environment. So, while I was contemplating what to do with this situation, I was told (by my landlord) that I either kick out my friends/roommates or I will be asked to leave. Well, I certainly can't afford to live in the house on my own, so, I have now given my 30 days notice.

As if the work stress wasn't enough, then we add on the weight gain, then we add on financial troubles, and now moving? I think I'm in for a bit of a rough month! I need to figure out how to NOT let this get the best of me. I also need to figure out how to control my stress eating, emotional need to eat, and how to get back to the basics of what I KNOW to do!!!!!

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a little defeated right now. But, at the same time, I feel like I can take this. I need to get control and I know that this will provide me with a great deal of confidence, once the challenges subside.

Unfortunately, since I've been under so much stress and pressure at work, I have not been able to catch up with the blogs that I know and love and I can't wait to get back to them because - whether you know it or not - the blogs you all write are so inspiring and uplifting and so real! I cannot wait to see what's happening in blog land and find out that everyone else is doing swimmingly!

This one is for Liza and an update on the 30 for 30!

It's FRIDAY!!!! Finally!!!

So, Liza had asked a question about "what's C&P". Well, several months ago, when I had just started to explore the blog world and really get into this WONDERFUL blogging community, I had stumbled upon JustJil's Blog - which I LOVE! Anyway, she had shared a story about a co-worker and the co-worker said something incredibly questionable. Jil's post made me want to own up to the idea of being a C&P girl and really embrace it - even though it was meant to discount those who choose surgery. I am with Jil - it's tough, it's a difficult process, it's SO much more difficult than others think. Here's a link to the blog http://justjil.wordpress.com/2008/11/21/i-am-only-a-paper-girl-living-in-a-paper-world/- you should read it, if you get a chance. Jil is AMAZING! Just like so many of my other blog friends! So, Liza, in just a few short days, you'll be a C & P girl too!!!! We're definitely going to have to arrange a party!!!!! I would LOVE to actually meet you all!

Now, on to business! I've successfully completed 3 days of incorporating at least 30 minutes of exercise into my day! It's been a little tough, due to recent stress and emotion, but it feels good to be sticking to it in spite of the drama! I only made it to the gym once (day 1), but Wednesday I did a little Hip Hop abs (which was a riot), and last night I pulled out the old Tae Bo video! I had actually missed that! Now, I don't typically dedicate time to working out on the weekends but I will be doing that over this 30 day period. So, I'm certain some trips to the park, the roller rink, and the golf course are in order! :-) I'm going to complete this challenge if it kills me (which it won't because it's good for me! Thanks Laurie, for the inspiration! You're doing GREAT too!!!!

I'm looking forward to a good weekend. There is a lot that needs to be accomplished and I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective. My life is going to take on some serious changes that I'm not so sure that I'm ready for, but it will be good in the long run - so I hope. I'm sure I'll be venting about it soon enough! Until then, I hope all is well and I look forward to catching up with everyone soon (work has been crazy which really cuts into my blog reading)!