It's going to be a MONDAY!

I am not exactly looking forward to today. The fact that today is Monday just tops it off. Today, I get to take my 7 year old for a root canal. Yep! About a month ago we went to a water park and my son fell and cracked/broke his two front (permanent) teeth. Well, the injury killed the nerve in the tooth that had the least physical damage. So, now he gets to have a root canal. Here's why it's so scary. I've never even had a root canal. I don't know what to expect. I KNOW that he doesn't do well with needles and I don't do well with him being in pain. So, what's a parent supposed to do? I don't know, so I just freak out a little bit and let him know that I love him dearly! :-)

The doctor that is performing the procedure has already said that the kids typically do better when the parents are not in the room. He said that I'm welcome to stay, but I may not want to - for the good of my little one. I'll, of course, leave it up to him. I think the doctor is right, but I think I'll freak out more than the little one will. EEEKKK.

So, I'm praying for my nerves today. I want to be calm, cool, and collected. Unfortunately, it's easier said than done. So, thought a little vent session this morning would help! Let's hope it does!

I hope blogland is having a fantastic day!!

Hmmmm, could it be nerves?

As I sit here and wonder why I haven't posted anything in a few days, my mind hits a little glitch. Could it be nerves? What have a got to be nervous about? Let's see, life in general? Yep! It's true. Is it fair to call it nerves? Is it anxiety? Is it fear? Is it disappointment? Could it be failure? Sure, it could be any one of those things. I'm just going to call it nerves.

What's making me so nervous? Here we go . . .

• I'm nervous that I'm not going to find a job before school starts. There are so few jobs and I've been on several interviews for jobs that I haven't been selected to receive. I am applying for everything I can, but I'm nervous about the procedure because there are so many looking for so few jobs. I want to have something to focus all of my attention on and put forth energy. Because without something to focus on, I tend to stay in my own little world/or circle and that just isn't what I want to do.
• I'm nervous that I am going to run out of money and not be able to support my child or myself without heavily depending on my family. It's sad that I can look on the "child support" website and see that the "biological" owes $30,000 that I will probably never see a penny of. I never have expected it. But boy, wouldn't that be nice to have?? I'm sad that I even think about it - but I do. I put receiving that money up there with winning the lottery. Sure, it could happen, but not likely.
• I'm nervous about losing my passion for things. I haven't been unemployed (until now) since I turned 16! That's a lot of years of work. I've always had something to work toward, focus on and be passionate about. Even while I was in school I had a huge drive and a huge passion for these students. I am nervous that the few disappointments will cause a set back. I don't want that!
• I'm nervous that my eating is out of control. I will have to get this under serious control or I will not have any clothes to wear when I DO get a job! (see that, still thinking positively - that's a good sign, right?)

So, now that I've come to terms with what makes me nervous - I MUST tackle them! If I can kick Monday's butt, why can't I kick these nerves? I CAN! And I will. I think I needed to list them so that I know what I have to tackle.

Here's to calming my nerves!!!

The verdict is in . . .

I really do wish I could post good news today. Unfortunately, I received a call this morning that I wasn't selected for the position. I so appreciate that I had so much encouragement, prayers, and well wishes. That really made me feel good, confident, and successful.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that when a "door" closes, another will open. So, I am taking this disappointment as a minor set back and I have to have faith that this didn't work out because I am supposed to be somewhere else. I must admit, this one hurt. But I need to realize that it wasn't because I wasn't the best I could be. I just wasn't the right fit this time.

The principal did tell me that there were 250 applicants for this one position. He narrowed it down to 12 for the first round of interviews and I got selected as one of the top three. He mentioned that this was an incredibly difficult decision because the top three were really, really good. He said that he was going to forward my information to every school in his district and if a position came open at his school, it would be mine. So, that has to be a good thing, right?

I'm not going to lie, I've been on an emotional roller coaster over this one. There's a huge part of me that wants to know what that "it" factor was. Was there anything I could've or should've said differently? But at the same time, I left the interview yesterday being scared to death that I would get the position. I know that sounds strange, but lets be honest . . . this will be my first year as a teacher. Could I live up to the high standards and expectations that the principal and the school have? Would I be the best, absolute best, for these students? I don't know - because I've never done it before. There's a good chance that the person that was selected has proof that they know exactly what they are doing and can produce outstanding results. I plan to have those one day, but this principal would've had to take a chance on me for that. I can do it, I know I can, but I'm intimidated and even a little scared. That's normal, right?

So, back to the drawing board for me. I will keep praying that the right position, school, district, etc. comes along. And we'll hope and pray that happens before I pull all my hair out. I don't have much to begin with. :-)

Now, on to something positive . . . I slept last night! Yes sir! I didn't wake up at my usual 3:30am. I even forgot to set my alarm and woke up 10 minutes later than I normally do. Whopee! I do hate having insomnia, but I sure do love the days after - when I sleep like a rock!

Today is a new day. No, huge, obligations and a possible play date for the little one. I'm ready to turn this day around. Just because it started with bad news, doesn't mean it has to end that way, right? Thank you for allowing me the vent session. I look forward to having a some more positive things to report tomorrow!

Wishing you all a very happy day!